


The Spider Hunt

by SunshineTears



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Amazing Spider-Man (Movies - Webb), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: A mix of ANGST and 'hey fun time and humour', Angst, Gen, Hurt Peter Parker, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Jaffa the Sassy AI - Freeform, Misunderstandings, Panic Attacks, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter is a Little Shit, Precious Peter Parker, Protective AI, Protective Peter Parker, Sassy Peter, Secret Identity, Spider-Man Interacting with New Yorkers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-14
Updated: 2018-10-10
Packaged: 2019-05-23 05:56:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 61,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14928474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunshineTears/pseuds/SunshineTears
Summary: As Peter Parker struggles to return from the darkness following a traumatic loss, Spider-man is making his return after his mysterious absence. Only this time he's caught the eye of Nick Fury. Labelled as a villain the Avengers must bring him in, but they make one fatal mistake: they underestimate him.Alongside JAFFA: his sassy, overprotective AI, Peter must face the worlds strongest superhero force as well as the demons he is struggling to leave behind.Let The Spider Hunt begin!It's angsty... but then it's humour and fluff.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> IMPORTANT PLEASE READ:
> 
> I previously had this uploaded on an account that no longer exists. As this was written YEARS ago, the first couple of chapters are... not so good. You will notice my writing gets a lot better so if you like the general idea of the story, i beg you to hold on as this gets much better within a couple of chapters.

It is happening all over again. Harry smirks as Gwen's fragile body falls down the clock tower, gears and springs twirling around her. I know I screaming, to myself, to my limbs that refuse to move and to a future I already mourn. Yet I can do nothing more than watch as she falls, her eyes filled with confidence that I will save her. I wish I had that much faith in myself. By the time I am free from the fear that froze me it is too late. My web reaches a nothing more than a corpse.

She's never truly dead in this version you see. She lingers on that last little bit to whisper thoughts in my ears.  
"You failed me," her lifeless mouth whispers. I didn't save her. 

"You're not worthy of that mask you wear," I am spider-man yet I didn't save her.

"It is all your fault. You are just a no-good pretender." I... I killed my own girlfriend.

"We are better off without you" I wake with a start and damp eyes.

Every time I close my eyes it is the same nightmare over an over again. Every day fighting with those cruel words smashing clawed fists against my mind with the knowledge that the very people I save are better off without me. The pain is unbearable at times like this; when I am alone in the dark of the night. I try and I try but I just need it to stop! Even if it is only for a few seconds. I barely notice the flash of metal, the blood. I've seen enough of it in my lifetime as Spider-man. No, it's the pain I am after. I embrace it with a hiss. I deserve this. 

Freedom, just me alone in my thoughts for a beautiful second before the wound heals up and the voices come charging back in. My quick healing means that most of the time it doesn't scar. At least it used to, but my body is so weak that my seconds of freedom are lasting longer, the wounds not healing quite as well. It's never enough. I have nothing to do now but sit and wait for the sun.

Morning arrives several hours later with the promise of eggs, bacon, waffles and whatever Aunt May will try to make me eat. No matter how good it is I never eat it. Everything just tastes like cardboard so may as well eat what no one else will. 

"Peter it is time to get up." says the Russian voice of my AI her voice soft with the concern. She always sounds like that these days, sometimes I wonder if I did something wrong in the programming. 

"I know Jaffa," I sigh. I had made the artificial intelligence after Gwen's death. I had too much time and I needed something to help take my mind off the pain. So I took up the monstrous task of creating artificial intelligence. I succeeded. Jaffa was everything I could have hoped for in creating an AI, a rival even Tony Starks' JARVIS. I named her JAFFA which stands for Jarvis's advanced female foe AI because what can I say, I like to poke fun at people.  
(A/N *Don't judge my acronym. I liked the name JAFFA and it was the best I could do*) 

Jaffa really has been the only thing keeping me going. I know I can't hurt her since she, well, isn't a real person so she is the only thing I talk to. Its the eyes I think. People always look at me with such... pity. It's degrading more than anything. 

The news is on as I trudge down the stairs. "It has been five months since the disappearance of Spiderman after he saved the city from the villan Electro and battled the Green Goblin. There has been a phenomenal spike in crime since crooks realized Spiderman wasn't around to stop them and the shiny league of superheroes residing in our cities core can't be bothered to lift a single finger to help our city. It has been a long wait for the return for the web slinging heroes return. Can New York finally accept that our favourite hero is... dead?" The young reporter cracked slightly as she said the last line. 

"She must be a fan,"I think as I turn off the news. I can't watch as the city suffers and begs for my return. The reporter was right. Spider-man is dead and not coming back. The city is better off without me. Aunt May rushes around the kitchen as I slump into it.

"Peter! Have some french toast! You loved this when you were little. Uncle Ben and you could eat a truckload of these things..." I stare at her blankly as I grab a slightly bruised apple before getting my skateboard and bag for school. Uncle Ben, another person i failed. He was better off without me. I take a single bite of my apple before heading toward the door but May stops me holding a piece of toast in her outstretched hand. 

"Please Petey... Just eat it. You are barely alive and I don't even remember the last time you spoke to an actual person. I'm terrified for you." I simply take the toast to please before leaving. I try to eat it, really, I'm just... not feeling it today. I know she hears me drop both the toast and the apple in the bin on my way out.

"Hey Peter! How is your scrawny ass this beautiful morning?" Flash leers as he jumps in front of me with his pack of puppets behind him. Ha. Alliteration. Comedy. I know my blank expression is really unnerving and will earn me a punch up but honestly, I already had one coming. I had been Flash's favorite punching bag since the beginning of high school. I was the puny, skinny runt of a nerd while he was the sporty, popular jock. Little did he or anyone else know that I could beat Flash in any sporting event and beat the life out of him and his gang with my eyes closed and my hands tied behind my back. Even in my current... fragile state. I half-heatedly try to move past but some of his dogs stop me. Demon dogs... downward dog... dumb dogs! That'll work, gotta keep up my English skills. 

"Poor little Petey Wetey still crying over his crushes death eh? Come on Pete she never loved you. She liked the best sportsman in the school, oh wait that's me. Told me herself." Flash sneers. Everyone laughs. I know its is not true as Gwen hated the jock's guts. I don't even flinch as the first punch hits me. Nor the next. Nor the next. Today the insults are worse than usual and all about Gwen, the punches much harder than usual. I embrace the pain. They are better off without me. They wander off with the bell leaving me battered and bleeding. I simply pull the hood of my long sleeved jumper high over my head and consider picking up my shattered glasses. I just leave them there. It is not like i actually need them, they are made of glass and are just used to keep up the nerd profile. I slowly trudge off to history, or maybe I had English. I didn't even know... but i couldn't care less.

I left during 5th period. The sympathetic stares and murmurs were way worse than usual and it was killing me. The sun was bright and warm of my face as I skateboarded along the cracked pavement. I didn't want to go home as I wasn't sure if Aunt May would be back from giving the extra breakfast to the hospital. It is the same every morning. She cooks. I don't eat it. She gives it to the hospital who pay her a light sum. She doesn't realize I know. So instead I skate to where I go whenever I wag school. The graveyard. It is always so quiet there and I can escape everything wrong in my life currently. 

As I walk over to the simple gravestone above Gwen I am amazed at how many flowers lay there. Usually, there was just a rose or two from her family and a sunflower from me. We no longer talk but I know her family thinks it is disrespectful that I bring sunflowers, too happy but I know Gwen loves them. Sunflowers are her favourite. Today though there would be at least twenty full bouquets, cards and even a large stuffed bear who's fur ruffled gently in wind. I try to smile as I sit down next to the headstone. 

"Hey, Gwen. School was terrible, as always, but worse today for some reason. Must be the wind, you always said that made people do crazy things. Jaffa is up and running smoothly. Aunt May still jumps every time she speaks. I'm glad i made her as she can look after my Aunt for me, prevents conversation with her. I know I know I should talk its just HARD you know? Besides, Jaffa already is nearly as bad as my aunt when it comes to eating and getting outside. I actually took one of those stupid vitamin capsules this yesterday as a deal that she wouldn't tell my Aunt about the whole... the whole cutting thing. I have to take one every time I do. Can't program it out of the stupid AI. Ah anyway avengers still being stuck-up brats, you know the drill." I attempt the laugh but it comes out as a strangled squawk. 

What have I become? I use to be fun, sure a little weird, but fun nevertheless! I could joke with a gun to face and wore smart alec like it was a scout badge. What happened to that guy? 

"Look at all these flowers Gwen! There must have been some article about you in the newspaper or something to get you this many! I wouldn't know, I still avoid newspapers and the news. Although I accidentally watched it this morning. I promise to bring you a sunflower tomorrow as I did..." I break off as I notice a nervous boy I think I recognize from school approaches me, a tulip in his hand. He is scrawny and looks to be a few years younger than me. 

"Sor..ry..y" he mumbles placing the flower down. "I don't want to interrupt I just... Gwen tutored me in maths once, never would have passed without her. I just wanted to wish her a happy birthday."

He quickly scurries off as I sit frozen. Birthday... I snatch the cards open. Happy Birthday. Happy Birthday one after the other. It can't be though. I stare at the chest of the large white bear. Happy Birthday. I slowly sink back onto my heels. It is Gwen's birthday. Here I was complaining about how much life sucked when really it was Gwen's birthday. It finally hit me full force then, tears and all then, Gwen was dead and I had forgotten the most important day of the year, her birthday. I HAD FORGOTTEN MY DEAD GIRLFRIENDS BIRTHDAY! The world spun in flashes of her broken body and I screamed as the pain as something inside me snapped. I promised, I PROMISED I would NEVER forget. A vow, a vow now broken.

The voices were unforgiving. "You failed me...You're not worthy of that mask you wear...It is all your fault... You are just a no-good pretender..." the voice whispered as I lay sobbing "We are better off without you". Gwen was always right. She was better off without me. Uncle Ben is better off without me. Flash and all those other stupid students are better off without me. New York is better off without me. Aunt May is better off without me. Jaffa would look after my Aunt. It is time I did what Gwen had been telling me to do since her death. I needed to save the city one last time. Save them from me. After all, they were better off without me.


	2. Hitting rock bottom (and the return back up)

*WARNING*: This is a scene containing self-harm and attempted suicide. Move straight on to the next chapter if you are not comfortable reading this. The story line will continue fine from there. Sorry if it is really heavy so far... I promise it gets better!

Here I finally am. An inch from death and pure blissful peace. I crouch on the blood stained carpet in my room, red rivers making trails to the floor from a series of deep wounds in my arm. Each one for the people I loved who had died or lives I had ruined, who were better off without me. 

My parents, uncle Ben, Captain Stacy, Dr Conners, Gwen... All my failures flash before my eyes in some woozy state between too much blood-loss and having insane healing powers. Vaguely I hear Jaffa's distressed voice begging me to stop, threatening to call a hospital, Aunt May, anyone. I chuckle darkly. I stated she wasn't to call anyone and attempt to stop me and she couldn't go against her coding. Darkness prowls around the edges of my mind until my thoughts are nothing more than colourful wisps and time a foreign concept. With shaky hands, I raise a kitchen knife right before my heart but before I can push I hear the desperate shouting of Jaffa finally cut through the mist. 

"Please, Sir! Stop! You are so young with so much potential... I need you. Aunt May needs you, she can't handle another loss. She will think it's her fault and It will kill her. This isn't what Gwen would want..." 

"You don't 'nderstand Jaf", I slur "this is 'xactly what she wants. Better off 'ithout mehhhh". In a bount of courage I once again raise the knife, blocking out Jaffa's screams. I can almost hear Gwen's soft musical voice again. Oh how I missed its sound after all this time.  
'Hang on'. I frown. It's not some wild hallucination. I’ve had voices in my head before, but this, but call me crazy this wasn’t one of them. I can actually hear her voice. 

"...hearing this it means I'm dead. Ha! Sorry I just had to say that. You know how much I live cheesily spy movies. I am terribly sorry I died and I assure you there is no way this is your fault. Petey I know you, my death will crush you, you will think it's your fault and stop being Spiderman to honour me or some rubbish. Pete as a incredibly wise, gorgeous, amazing girlfriends of Spiderman's once said...you are an idiot. I didn't not go to all the trouble of dying just for you to abuse my memory and stop being Spider-man. Sorry that was mean. Look I love how you always have to save people, the way you smart-ass the baddies and bring Hope to the people in this city. For hope is the most powerful force on this miserable earth. I want you to keep being the hope everyone needs. But I want you to be someone as Peter Parker. That brain of yours could bring down Tony Stark if you tried! I want you to move on. Get friends, find a girlfriend, get insanely rich from inventing flying cars, get married and have weird wall crawling babies. I want you to be HAPPY. This is my death wish. You you better damn obey it bug boy! So don’t do anything reckless while I'm gone" there is a knock in the background. "One second Pete. Just recording something! Ha ha well your at my window so One last thing. I love you Peter Parker. More than life itself. So don’t be an idiot and waste it." 

I didn't even realise I had dropped the knife. I was sobbing deep hurtful breathes. Oh god, what had I done... All this time doing exactly what Gwen DIDN'T want. That’s the thing about regret though, it’s always far too late. The world stops and turns slowly to black. I hid the floor with a thump as I hear Aunt May screaming my name in the background.

 

I wake up 3 days later to the sounds a constant beep, pain and the smell of anaesthetics and old-shoe coffee. There is only one place that can achieve the ability to turn coffee into tasting like mouldy shoes. I'm in hospital... Shit. Hospitals and super-humans, as a rule, don’t mix. It’s a thing. I send a silent prayer I took the initiative to program Jaffa to respond to me getting in hospital and preventing any of my nonhuman traits getting out. Ah how it pays to be paranoid. It is as I am thinking of that blessed AI that it hits me. Oh god, I just tried to commit suicide... And while I'm currently feeling very much like living thanks to however the heck I heard Gwen (I'm thinking Jaffa) Aunt May is gonna freak. 

Sighing I slowly will my eyes open and glance around the room. Just me in this clunky hospital bed with a bunch of super fun looking machines, a few chairs and... Aunt May. "Pete!", she sobs as she runs towards me and gives me an awkward hug like I am about to break or something. Which I guess everyone thinks I will. Yeesh way to stuff up your life Peter. I really think I should have some kinda medal considering how many times Inmajorly stuff up. 

"I'm so glad your OK....i...i thought I had lost you and when Jaffa texted Me...".

Oh that sneaky little genius. I said Jaffa wasn't to call so she texted. Well, you can't say I didn't do a good job making her.  
"...and then you were just lying there. I can't believe I didn't do anything I mean I...". Aunt May begins weeping as she clutches onto me. 

"Please don't cry May. There is nothing you could've done I was just being an idiot. But hey I'm better now!", I rasp softly. 

Aunt May suddenly seems to fill with frightened anger, "No Pete your not. You are however going to get better Whatever you have going on in your head that drives you to… to well decide life is no longer living. We can chase them away. If it wasn’t for that intelligent bit too free-reign computer of yours… God I’m a terrible Aunt… How dare you not tell me! Oh why did I ever think I could be a mother. What if child services try to take you away!”

She turned away and began pacing, muttering to herself, “No, I will have to watch you constantly, home-schooling I think. Or I could hire a carer if I can... or just some nice old nanny to watch you while I work. I am the worst mother how could I…”

I quickly scramble to fix the conversation, “Um Aunt May do you mind getting me some food? I am absolutely starving. Could you get a drink too? Mind you not that mysterious brown glue they are selling as coffee. Could have sworn the delivery man said delivery from the toxic waste plant." 

May just looks at me in shock before scurrying out, a genuine smile on her face. As she leaves I hear her mutter, "He asked for food. FOOD and making his jokes again! Mind you he is definitely out of practice that joke was appalling". Come on i never have bad jokes! Still...Mission accomplished.

 

It’s two moths later before I finally do escape the hawk-eye supervision of my Aunt. Still working on Jaffa unfortunetly (the overprotective minx),  
I am sitting on my bed doing the final repairs to my spider-man costume half listening as Aunt May calls a goodbye as she scurries of to work. It’s been hard but… I’m ok. Well not OK as such but i'm definitely mending. I am eating, going to school, getting outside (to re-train my Spider powers but she doesn't need to know that), smiling more and even joking sometimes. May insists that they are shocking (apparently I’m rusty) while she laughs. She is still anxious whenever i'm alone but with Jaffa deciding she is now the adult in our relationship (I created HER dammit) Aunt May is managing to relax. 

Turns out it was Jaffa who played the recording off Gwen that night. A recording given to me at the funeral, but I had never had the guts to watch. Could never get past the first line. Jaffa now has the ability to override my commands and write her own coding because I know humans are flawed. I am totally that gullible genius at the start of every trashy ‘computers take over’ movie aren’t I? Well Jaffa can protect me from myself.

Her comforting Russian voice snaps me out of my thoughts, "Sir you might want to take a look at this." I frown as she takes control and opens up a news stream from my laptop. 

"...I'm here live from Burke avenue on 56th street where it is complete chaos. A man in some sort of weaponised armoured suit is wreaking havoc on midtown". 

I glance at the mask in my hands, "I don't suppose the Avengers will take this will they? Maybe in an hour or so but till then... Well it's one way to make an entrance. Big battle against a metal onesie." I slip on my suit, mask and put on my web shooters. For second there’s a sense of overwhelming panic, of tumbling clockwork, gunshots and screams, water filling my lungs. Breathe. In. Out.

I am Spider-man, and Spider-Man has no time to panic. 

"Well here goes nothing Jaff,” I leap out my bedroom window and then I'm flying. The rushing past as I spin through the crisp morning air. The comforting thwip of the web-shooters stopping my free fall at the last second. I didn't realise I missed this. The adrenalin. The freedom. Below me I hear gasps and exclamations of surprise from the city streets. In the distance I can vaguely hear the classic movie sounds of screaming in terror, gunshots and explosions. Ah New York. There is no place quite like home. 

 

The battle goes according to plan. Clunky paws is in jail and the city cheering on Spiderman's return. For the first time in months as I lay down to sleep i am smiling. I finally feel like i am doing what Gwen wants. What makes her (and me) happy. And as I drift away the one thought that has haunted me for months drifts away too. Maybe they are not better off without. Maybe I am needed.


	3. The Hunt is announced

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Avengers make dumb plans over Thai food

The Avengers sat in long wait around a long business table in near silence. Steve Rogers aka Captain America was slumped ever so slightly in his chair, the two assassins Natasha Romonev aka Black Widow and Clint Barton aka Hawkeye lounged against the walls, Bruce Banner aka The Hulk was fiddling with his watch and Thor was asleep. Nick Fury's stormy face and the glare from his single eye prevented any conversation. By now even the reserved Bruce was nearly jumping up and breaking into Disney songs he was so bored. So when Tony Stark decided to finally show up with nothing to say other than the building cafe had terrible coffee there was a general feeling of irritation in the room. "

Would you explain why you are an ONE AND A HALF HOURS LATE TO AN URGENT MEETING!" Fury screamed across the room. Tony just threw himself onto a chair with a smirk 

"Woah there Patchy I still showed up. That is itself deserves a B. Scratch that I only flirted with 2 agents on my way in AND I didn't hack into SHIELD files beforehand to find out the reason for the meeting so I didn't have to go. I deserve an A. No, an A+ cause I didn't ev..." he breaks off with a gulp noticing the threatening way Black Widow began picking her nails with her knife as she death glared him. The snarling director gives a brief nod of thanks in her direction before turning his attention back to the Avengers gathered with a final annoyed look at Tony.

"Now that we are all FINALLY here I have a vital task for you all. Now I'm sure you all remember Electro trying to shut down New York five months ago" Fury stated in a clipped tone. The Avengers guiltily nodded as they remember how by the time they figured out the city was in serious danger and suited up, the battle had been already won by that low-time vigilante Spider-Man. 

After an awkward pause thick enough to stop a speeding truck Steve decided to speak up "Electro is dead and all the damage he made repaired. What does he have to do with anything?"

"Nothing." 

"Huh?" 

"Electro is not what this meeting is about." Fury turned towards the screen and flicked it on. "THIS guy is"

An image of a red and blue spandex-clad man came up onto the screen. Spiderman. He was perched on top of a wrecked police car, megaphone loose in his hand in an image of calm among the wreckages of Burke Avenue and a good portion of New York's police. The picture was blurred and obviously shot on a cell-phone by an onlooker. Fury paused for a second, "This image was shot this morning a few seconds before Spiderman fought and defeated the villain 'Rhino'. As you may know, Spiderman has been missing for several months following a battle with Electro and the Green Goblin. He successfully won both battles, seemingly unharmed and was seen swinging off to wherever it is he goes after his battles. The thing is he disappeared and not even SHEILD could figure out why." Tony perked up a bit at the prospect of a mystery that not even SHEILD could solve, already thinking of the uses for the bargaining chip. "

"I have seen his agility in battle. It is not human. We don't know anything about him or where his intentions lie." Tony openly smirked, "You're losing your touch Grumpy. If your losing stuff you better be careful, you don't want to misplace your other eye." Fury didn't move his head as he rolled said eye to stare Tony down. 

"Stark... SHUT THAT GODAMN TRAP OF YOURS" With no further protests he continued with a huff "SHEILD had their eye on figuring out Spiderman even before his disappearance and now that he is suddenly back out of the blue it is more critical than ever."

Tony started to zone out and began spinning around in the chair, "So why again are you telling us about the trapeze spider? No offence Peg leg but don't want to join the circus. I think I'm the kind of guy who would be allergic to lions..." 

Natasha suddenly spoke up from her place on the wall, "I actually agree with Stark for once..." 

Tony gasped mockingly, "Lo and behold."

Natasha simply ignored the interruption "Clowns are just plain creepy", she stated with a shudder, earning a few odd looks from around the room. Fury used the brief silence to take back control of the conversation before Tony someone led it to the cultural benefit of hot dogs in New York. 

"As I was saying. Your mission is to capture and bring Spider-Man into SHEILD." There was a slight calm of silence before the inevitable explosion of protest.

"The man of spiders helps those innocents who can't help themselves. He is no threat to interfering with the major threats like the Chitauri" Thor boomed earning a fierce nod from Natasha. 

Steve looked troubled "Director, Sir, he has never shown any hint of working against the good of the city. Capturing him will just cause disturbance among the citizens. You know how much they like him since he stopped everyone from turning into... well..." 

"All aged, mutant not-so-ninja lizards." Tony helpfully butted in, earning a smile from Bruce and a confused look from Steve and Thor who missed the reference.

"He is a threat and must be brought in." Fury said simply as if stating some universal law. 

"Can't you just turn up at his house and blackmail him or something like you do with everyone else!" Tony said with an eye roll. Fury was silent and looked almost embarrassed 

"Spider-Man has kept his identity a close secret. He doesn't leave clues." Fury said slowly. Tony burst out laughing. "You don't know his identity! My... my... but you know everything about everyooooone. Ooo little baby spider too quick for you to catch Patchy? Gotta send in the big guns now to make it look like he is a challenge?"

Fury practically roared "Stark that's it! You can't be late and judge here. Looks like you're going to be the one retrieving the baby spider solo. I never needed the whole team to capture one little spider. I was just going to let the team do the plan of who's going." Everyone burst out laughing at Tony's face as he was informed about having to actually do all the work. 

"Come on, oh highly praised Director of the Avengers. Really Cap is much better equipped for the mission..." 

"Sweet talk doesn't suit you Stark now get to work. Avengers disassemble!" With that Fury strode out of the room, coat flapping dramatically behind him. 

"Should have gone back to sleep this morning" grumbled Tony as he slouched after him. 

Clint let out a cackle, "Oh man I have waited WAY too long to see Stark's lateness bite him in the ass". Everyone chuckled in agreement as they got up to follow Stark out.

 

The next night at Stark Tower was Thai night and everyone was waiting in anticipation for the delivery man. "Oh come on!" Tony huffed "how long does it take!" 

"Tony it has been only been half an hour. We have a long wait ahead of us considering we ordered 25 courses" Cap told him for what was probably the 15th time. 

"Just think about how funny it will be when Jarvis talks to him! Remember the guy from Pizza Hut thought elevator was possessed, god that was so funny." Clint smiled at the memory.

Tony smirked "Not as funny as when Tasha chased the Chinese delivery man for spilling moo shu pork on her suit. I have the video of here screaming like a demon while pork dripped from her hair." 

Natasha decided that would be a good moment to enter the room with the greeting of, "What's for dinner? Don't care what it is but if you guys get Moo Shu Pork I am chasing you down the hall again" Everyone burst out laughing, with Clint and Tony gasping for air as tears streamed down their faces.

Natasha was dangerously close to spearing someone as Pepper walked in, a cart filled with food trailing behind her. "FOOD!" Thor roared causing everyone to cover their ears. Pepper simply winced, "I decided to save the poor teen who deliveries it the embarrassment of what I'm sure you had planned for him. 

Tony groaned "Come on Pepper! No fun hun! I was going to get Jarvis to start yelling intruder with flashing red lights and all! It would have totally earned me another pissing himself in terror video". Clint scoffed imagining the boy running in terror while Pepper just glared unapproved.

"Tony the boy was only 16 or so. A prank like that would scar him for the rest of his life. Young kids can be seriously damaged by a trauma like that. Have more consideration." It fell on deaf ears as he was already deep into a bowl of curry. Pepper sat down and grabbed a small plate for herself as well.

Just as she sat down Jarvis' called from the ceiling "Mr Stark Nick Fury is calling you. It was an urgent call so I picked up..." 

"Jarvis! You know I would never pick up that call. I'm eating and I don't particularly want a cranky pirate ruining my appetite." 

"I know you wouldn't want to pick up sir. That is why I did it"

Tony just scowled as Fury's face appeared as a hologram above the mountain of food. "Stark! Spiderman was just spotted at a robbery. An out of control house fire is occurring a few streets away and I bet you my eye-patch that is where he will head next. Get suited up!" Fury snapped.

"No can do Patchy. It is Thai night and I am hungry" Tony said showing no thought of moving. 

"That was an order Stark..." Tony simply loaded a spoon full of glass noodles, prawns and rice and sent it flying at Fury's un-amused head which sailed straight through the hologram and landed all over Natasha, much too Clint's delight.

Tony looked terrified she stood up in rage and reached for her gun eyes blazing in anger and she began breathing heavily. Everyone immediately inched away and Clint scrambled on top of the cupboards for a good view. "You know what Nick sounds like a splendid plan. Mission away from raging spider to baby spider it is!" Tony stuttered as he sprinted out of the room. 

"STARK I AM GOING TO THROTTLE YOU WHEN YOU GET BACK YOU LITTLE..."

"Romonev, Barton, Rogers, Banner, Thor. You are not getting out of it either. Captain, Hawkeye and Banner will be in command to make sure Stark doesn't stuff this simple task up. Widow and Thor will be on standby to assist Ironman when he captures and brings 'It' back to the helipad." There were a few mournful looks at the food as the Avengers walked off to their assigned posts. 

"This won't take long Ms Potts. Don't bother to clean up the food, we come back and eat it in an hour or so." Cap called on his way out.

Pepper was left looking at the mountain of food and empty containers with a sigh. She had seen Spiderman on TV and he looked good. Maybe they were wrong about how easy the mission was. The way they talked about made it sound like they were simply picking up and delivering a package. Well they were she supposed, but Spiderman wasn't going to go quietly, that's for sure. She quickly shook her head. Maybe she was just over-estimating him. After all, it wasn't just Tony who thought it was going to be simple, and if all the Avengers agreed to something, it was usually right she supposed. With that comforting thought, she left the food and strolled out to sign some documents for the company, because someone had to and it sure wasn't going to be Tony.


	4. Of Roasted Spiders and Roasted Tin cans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spider-man's return gets off to a fiery start. He then meets Tony Stark... things go about as well as expected.

There was something truly terrifying about hearing a child scream. Each rising note seemed to vibrate through your very essence, rippling in between every individual cell. That feeling of terror and the scent of smoke was Peter's equivalent of a bat signal, drawing him to the danger like a moth to a flame.

There was absolute panic by the time Peter arrived outside the rundown apartment that was currently blaze. Police surrounded the building and struggled to calm down the panicked residents while desperate hordes of fire-fighters battled feebly against the wild flames dancing through the smoky night air.

As Peter perched on the shadowed wall of a nearby building he strained his enhanced hearing to the calls of a particularly panic-stricken fireman as he glared forcefully at his radio, "...dangerous. The three floors below have already collapsed and it's soon to follow. The whole building is barely standing as it is and to send men in through the side window would be a suicide mission by the time the rig gets up there. The fire is spreading, they will be dead by the smoke before then anyway... Can't do that the fire stairs have rusted straight through... I get that but look at it this way Matt, at least everyone else in the building was safely evacuated... I know but what two lives lost is better than the five lost if we send me up."

Two lives to be sacrificed Peter translated. He shot a web at a street lamp and swung downwards, using to momentum to launch himself upwards. Ignoring the customary cries of, 'Spiderman!' he smashed through a window on the 4th floor. The shattered glass twinkled pitifully around him as he landed in a crouch and glanced around, quickly accessing the danger.

The room which would have once been a much-loved living room-was now smothered in flames, furniture alight and nothing left of the wall but their morbid wooden skeletons, showing the rest of the dying apartment with one side of the room partially collapsed. Not good, the rest of the room, then the whole floor, would soon follow. He held an arm up to his face in a feeble attempt to keep the smoke out as he followed the weakened cries through the fiery death trap of the hallway.

Under his breath, he mumbled to himself as he navigated around the fires and wooden beams on either side of him. "Roasted spider... Roasted spider... get it while it's hot!" He coughed as the smoke lazed through the air. Once again the aching scream of a child pierced through the haze like a dagger.

Peter sped up as his manoeuvring past the flames, "Hello? Where are you? I'm here to help!"

The feeble shout of a woman rang out, "Hel..p". All around him flames flicked as the wood began to give in and crash to the ground. "That's good just keep trying to talk I'll get you out soon". Peter's spider-sense went off just in time to avoid a burning piece of plaster. The woman's cries were getting closer, though softer each time.

Peter was nearing the middle of the hallway when the cries finally died. Desperately he called out, "Keep talking! I'm nearly there!" 

"Quick..." her voice rasped through the smoke and flames. Peter desperately kicked down a door into what was luckily one of the most intact rooms of the house.

Thick smoke filled the bedroom and one of the walls was crumbling down in flames. In the corner was a young woman struggled to shield her daughter, even as her legs were crushed under a fallen cabinet. The little girl's pale face was streamed with tears and her blond hair dark with soot. "Spiderman! The girl squealed as she spotted his approaching figure before being overcome with a racking cough. 

Both their faces lit up as Peter rushed over and with his strength easily heaved the wardrobe off the woman's legs. "Thank you"

"Here to help but we need to get you to out here quickly. This floor is about to collapse." Peter went to pull to woman to her feet only for her to collapse. "Mummy!" the child sobbed as she bent down to try and help her mother up.

Peter felt his face drain of colour and was thankful the mask was hiding his panic. The woman's leg was broken, he would have to carry her and not the little girl like he planned. The woman coughed violently as she tried to speak, "Leave me... save Luc". Peter assumed Luc was her daughter. Peter shook his head and reached to pick her up, "Come on i'll carry you." 

The woman's face arm quickly grabbed him and she shook her head, "No... Easier... Go NOW!"

Peter hesitated before picking Luc up with a promise, "I'll be right back don't you worry". Luc's wide eyes filled with tears and she struggled as Peter left the room to the flames and heat outside. 

"No... Mummy!" Peter needed to calm her down, the apartment was too delicate and Peter needed to be able to avoid the constant flames. A feat hard enough without a distressed child.

"Mummy will be back soon. Now I need to help me Luc, is that ok with you? Can you help Spiderman?" Luc hesitantly nodded her blond head. Peter sighed in relief as she stilled. His spider-sense tingled just in time to avoid a flare of flames to his right. Luc coughing got steadily worse as the flames grew.

Peter looked at her in worry. "OK good girl. Now can you put your face in my shoulder? Yes just like that, you're doing great. I need you to close your eyes and don't think about how brave you are. You are brave aren't you Luc? I could tell as soon as I saw you" There's a giggle in his shoulder. "I need you to think hard about all the things you love, ok?" He felt her nod into his shoulder. Peter sighed in relief at the sight of a window up ahead. He hurried forward but to his dismay, a wall of flames started closing in around the room, only a slight gap left over.

"Ok Luc hold on real tight now" Peter sprinted forward and dashed through the gap, the flames just singing his arms. He sighed in relief and rushed forward. "Good job Luc we did it!" He shifted her into a more secure position in front of him and prepared to leap out of the open window. "OK now this is going to fell funny so just keep your eyes closed real tight. I'm gonna throw you out the window now". Wrong thing to say. 

Peter blinked deeply and the flames vanished, replaced by walls of the familiar corridors in Midtown high. Gwen's big blue Bambi eyes stared up at him filling him with so much love he could have sworn he would explode, even as the lizard's muffled roar echoed in the background. He could vaguely hear the crash of the Cheerleaders Summer Squad Champion award falling the smithereens below. In that perfect second his aches and pains vanished replaced by the warmth of his only love resting in his arms. Alas, it could not last... 'I'm gonna throw you out the window now.' Her blue eyes flashed in confusion, 'what?!'...

"Spidey? Spider-man!" the high pitched voice ripped apart the bittersweet moment and spat Peter back to the present. Frantically he glanced around at the advancing flames and how much precious time he had lost through the involuntary flashback. Not sparring a single moment he launched out the window, ignoring the screams and cheers as he shot a line of web at the perfect angle to place Luc in a fireman's awaiting arms. Using the momentum he swung back through the window in a single elegant backflip.

Peter coughed as he rolled to his feet, narrowly avoiding a falling beam of wood. He panicked the room was completely surrounded in flames. Abandoning all caution he sprinted through the roaring flames, resisting the urge to scream as the flames burnt his skin. The flames had taken nearly the whole hallway and it took all his super reflexes to prevent him from being burnt to a crisp.

Everything was burnt black with flames dancing in some demonic waltz around it. A lumbering fog of smoke blurring the outlines slightly. It was in a hellish way beautiful, the same way one can find beauty in that of a hunting and bloodied panther. Deadly, fearful but twistedly beautiful if you looked past it.

Peter finally reached the room to find it smothered in flames and the mother half passed against a wall out of the smoke. He barely had any time to react as he noticed the roof directly above creaking as it threatened to give in. He shot a web at her chest and pulled her towards her, just in time to see the roof fall directly where she had lain. Peter held her still form close in panic as he could do nothing more than watch as the room collapsed over the doorway and the only exit out of the room. They were trapped against a wall and hard place that also happened to have the ability to burn you to a crisp. He looked around frantically but there was no way out...

And for that slight moment, Peter felt a strange sense of calm and it was like world grew quiet just for him. He would finally re-join Gwen, all this weight would be finally gone, and he could be free. 'No Peter what about Aunt May and Jaffa? Your death would kill Aunt May, she only just got you back and while Jaffa doesn't really have feelings... who are you kidding of course she does. Anyway, she would probably commit AI suicide if she didn't have anyone to boss around. Peter what about the child! Don't be so greedy you should know better than anyone what it's like to lose parents, you lost 3 of them.'

Slighlty shaken at the unexpected thought but filled with new resolve, Peter glanced desperately around as he tried to find an escape, all while backing away from the approaching flames. No way to go up, no way to go down and no way through the flames or they would get burnt or through the walls... Through the walls. Peter glared at the wall behind him. It had had a wood covering, now burnt away to reveal brick that had been weakened by the flames. Peter gently placed the mother on the ground and tensed his muscles. 'Well if you can't find an exit, sometimes you just have to make one.

Peter sprinted forward and with a flying kick hit the wall with a promising crack. He raised his eyebrows in surprise. He knew he had enhanced strength but he didn't actually believe this had the possibility to work. He took a couple of steps backwards and hit the wall again and again and again. Each time the wall weakened but as a result, so did the roof above them. Peter cried in frustration as the flames burnt his back. He had a minute tops before the flames cooked him and the mother alive. In one last desperate attempt, he picked up the mothers prone body and launched himself at the wall, surprisingly managing to break through.

They tumbled together towards the ground with only Peter's quick reflexes stopping them both from crashing headfirst into the ground. The cheers from the crowd below were overwhelming as he as gently as possible landed on the ground below. Behind him, he could only watch as the building finally gave up and collapsed.

Paramedics immediately rushed over and placed her onto a stretcher all while she was sobbing in gratitude, "Thank you... you saved me... my angel..." and though she couldn't see it he smiled wirily and shot a web to take off. As he launched up into the air he noticed he had tears had been streaming down his face and for some reason, he knew it wasn't from the smoke.

 

 

Peter breathed deeply as he settled on the rooftop of the next apartment and watched the flames slowly get under control, confident in the knowledge he was unseen in the shadows of the large water tank of the roof. The flashback was still painfully raw and vulnerable, making the icy New York air just all that much colder as it achingly caressed the burns. A second longer and that child would've been an orphan. If she hadn't called him out of that flashback... This was going to be a problem. Even a minuscule distraction in a fight could cost him his own life or the lives of others.

Just as he was about to swing away he caught a hint of red and gold in the corner of his eye. Curious, he turned round to the sight of Ironman flying towards his direction. It was not uncommon for Tony Stark to take the Ironman suit for a fly for the fun of it every now and then but never up in the eastern area. He usually just flew around the centre, near his tower. In curious amusement Peter watched him fly closer and closer in a slow, zig-zag pattern.

'He seems to be searching for something... A supervillain perhaps? It does seem to only be the citywide threats the Avengers bother to tackle.' Peter wondered in a slightly angered tone. Nevertheless, he remains at his vantage point in case such threat arises. Maybe they would even let him help, he thinks they would make a good team against whatever threat he was looking for. The overly shiny suit slows down and hovers high above the burnt apartment as it twists round in circles to glare at the surrounding area.

A flicker a worry filled Peter, 'Why was Stark interested in the fire? It was an ordinary enough fire... Unless it wasn't the fire he was interested but instead looking for the hero last seen there'. Slightly worried, Peter slowly crawled up the side of a water tank on the building's roof.

Good thing too, as Iron Man landed not a minute later on the roof before glancing around again. Peter freezes in tense silence forcing himself to stay still in shadows. Suddenly Stark flicks his faceplate up and scowls at something in his helmet, "Damn you Barton, he isn't here! You said he would be here, which he isn't, and I currently have a bowl of curry with my name on it at home."

Peter blanched, the whole avenger's team are after me... not good. Peter prepares to make a silent exit when an idiotic idea pops uninvited into his head.   
'Don't be stupid Peter. Are you asking to be killed?' Peter berated himself. Yet his body disobeyed his head and he stealthily climbed to the top of the tank before flipping and landing silently behind Iron Man.

'Don't do it! Run while you can you great lump of brainless arachnid! Do you WANT them to find out your identity' Peter's brighter half of the brain sternly told himself? 

A softer, gleeful voice instantly bit back, 'Oh it's too good opportunity to waste though Pete... Who can honestly say they one-upped Tony freaking Stark? Come on please?' 

'Well since you asked so nicely'. Peter thought to himself. Against his better, just as Stark is preparing to take off Peter speaks up, thanking every god he knew that the mask distorts his voice. He didn't want him realising how young he was.

"Evening Stark. As much as I'm flattered, I must admit stalking still creeps me out." Stark jumped visibly into the air as Peter was shaking with contained laughter at the sight of the great Ironman's face. He almost wished he had a camera on him, he could get millions from selling a photo like that. Peter crossed his arms casually and leant against a wall and waits for Stark to speak.

He eventually recovers from his sudden appearance with a frown, "You're bigger on TV."

Peter just roll my eyes and huffed slightly offended, "you look less dumb and goldfish like on TV. Good look for you though, the whole, shit a man just materialised out of thin air behind me, face." Thanks to his enhanced hearing Peter hears a scoff from Stark's headpiece.

"Dumb? Says the boy too frail to show his ugly face", Stark hopefully asked, wanting an identity.

"That's the best comeback you got? Really Stark you don't live up to your image."

"Doesn't make it any less true", Stark pressed with an offended smirk even as he could practically see Spiderman raising an eyebrow under his mask.

"It's just that, unlike you, I actually don't have the self-control of a 5-year-old. Telling the world your SECRET identity it generally ill-advised. You know the whole protecting your family thing."

Stark huffed as Peter obviously hit a soft spot. "It doesn't matter if people know who iron-man is and I can protect Pep... er People just fine without having to keep a secret."

Peter stared and spoke in an exaggerated slow voice dripping in fake happiness. "SECRET being the key word there kids. Repeat after me now... SECRET. As in you don't announce to the whole world on national television."

Stark looked stumped as he failed to come up with a response. "Look we head I didn't come here to fight a battle of the wits now..."

"Good I don't fight unarmed men" Peter smirked under his mask as a bellow of laughter rung out of the helmet.

Stark simply looked positively murderous. "I need you to come with me. SHEILD needs you to come in for questioning." Then he spoke up with a paper-thin apologetic voice. "I forgot your lack of education forcing you wrongly teach three-year-olds, my apologies. SHEILD means St..."

"Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division, Yeah I know." Peter bit back with heavy smugness to cover up his growing worry. He was in a heap of trouble if SHIELD wanted him for questioning. At least Stark looked gobsmacked.

"How.. did... uh... wha..?"

"I do my homework." Well technically Peter didn't but Stark really didn't need to need to know that. "After all don't want my lack of education to catch up eh tin-can?"

Peter then dropped all humour from his voice, "Look. Thing is Stark, you want to lock me up and poke things at me and to be frank I don't want to be locked up and be poked at. So... I'm going to have to decline."

"Wasn't an invitation kid" Stark growled. "Now you come quietly or you could give me the excuse I need to beat your spandex-clad ass."

"I will have you know I am thoroughly disgusted you checked at my arse. So yeah I'm just gonna head off now..." Subconsciously Peter started to analyse the best options for the upcoming attack.

"Great! No one calls a Stark dumb without getting a good old repulsor hug" He flicked the facepiece down and aims his repulsor at Peter who tensed in anticipation. He grinned under my mask before he flipped right over Starks' head as soon as he fired the repulsor.

Before Stark could even register where Spiderman had gone Peter has him plastered against the very water tank Peter had crouched behind earlier. "Don't worry. It disintegrates after a couple hours. Be thankful I didn't put permeant webbing on! Ha! It would take weeks to get all the webbing off! Anyway, hope not to see ya round Tincan." Peter walked to the edge of the roof before stopping abruptly and turning around.

"Ooo and tell Fury I'm not very keen on the whole blackmail and control your life thing so... Leave me alone?" With that, Peter gave a loose salute before he simply leant backwards and tumbled off the edge of the roof.

His body fell in blissful calm before being pulled up at the last second by a thread of web. He laughed at the freedom as he swings in his body in a loose circle round the building's roof. Peter could have sworn Stark's face was still fixed in a third-degree goldfish expression even as he swung away, laughing merrily all the while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still have more pre-written chapters to upload but I figured I may as well stretch this out a bit... so make sure if you did like this story that you bookmark and/or subscribe so you can read the new chapters (and let me tell you it would be a travesty to have read this far and not get properly introduced to Jaffa in all her sassy glory.)  
> Next chapter will be either on Monday (My time so... Sunday for America I think?) or Thursday. I'm away in between so guess we will see!
> 
>  
> 
> Preview for next chapter (A Secret Revenge will always lead to chaos)  
> In which Jaffa gets sassy and Tony has a really bad day. 
> 
> "You're an Artificial Intelligence. Aren't you suppose to, you know, NOT have the emotional capability to get angry enough that my ceiling starts to give me a lecture and laugh at me?"
> 
> "Honestly, answer that yourself oh great and highly praised creator", Jaffa snarked, her voice practically dripping in sarcasm.


	5. A secret revenge will always lead to chaos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaffa gets mad and Tony's day gets bad.

"HE TRIED TO DO VHAT?"

Jaffa's accent thickened as she prepared her lecture. Peter sighed and threw himself onto his bed, centred against the wall of his ordinary teenage room (that being extraordinarily messy). He winces as his burns rubbed painfully through the thin spandex his Spider-man costume. At least burns were easy to cover up and healed fast with his powers.

"I'll burn his system and bring his ugly tower crashing to the ground! Vou does this Stark think he is? Running around shooting good honest people. The nerve of superheroes these days!" Pete hummed distractedly along as he began slowly peeling the fabric away from his blistering skin. That is until Jaffa's anger spun and started focusing on him instead. "And you Pete! Vhat do you think you're doing getting yourself shot at, nearly kidnapped and onto the hit list of the biggest spy agency in the vorld! Good job Petey, you couldn't have... ooo I don't know... not get yourself into this sort of confrontation in the first place?"

Peter groaned and buried his face into the pillow to try and block out her voice. He was tired, hungry and really in real of a shower, he did not want to get Jaffa-smashed right now. He glared upwards at the ceiling and snapped right back.

"Hey don't turn this on me! I didn't ask to be stalked by a paedophilic Robocop... I just have Parker luck."

"You vant to talk about Parker luck? Try having to keep your human alive when he's a superhero and a highly reckless one at that"

"Hey leave me and my idiotic choices out of this! Besides I... OWWWW" Peter yelped in pain as he accidentally rolled off his bed onto the floor bringing his sheets down on top of him in a clump. He attempted to get up only to get tangled in the sheets. Jaffa gave of a mechanical sounding laugh. 'Never did quite get her laugh sounding quite right. Oh well at least she has at least gotten the idea of it now' Peter thought to himself as he attempted to detangle himself from the sheets which had stuck to him as a result of his panic.

"Peter! Are you alright! What's going on? I'm coming in!" Aunt Mays panicked voice sounded from outside.

"No Aunt May! Really I'm fine I am just, ah, moving furniture so you don't have to come in" he shouted back in barely concealed panic.

"Peter you never tidy your room I doubt your moving furniture! Open the door this instant!" Aunt Mays increasingly panicked voice sounded from inside. "Jaffa help!" he hissed in an attempt to convert the snickering AI to his side.

"I'm still angry at you so I'm only doing this because your poor Aunt is afraid and you're still wearing your Spider-man costume" Jaffa warned. She let her voice travel to the speaker outside the door. "It's alright Mrs Parker, Peter is fine..." Both Aunt May and Peter gave a sigh of relief.

"Thank you Jaffa I owe..." Peter exhaled. "He simply fell off the bed and is currently tangled embarrassingly in his sheets"

"Goddammit Jaffa!" he yelled in betrayal and renewed his efforts to break free

Aunt May gave a relieved laugh and slumped against the door. While she was still wary of having such advanced tech in her home she knew she could always trust it... her.... When it came to looking after Peter. "Thank you Jaffa. Tell Peter to be more careful and don't let Peter get too mad at you will you"

"I won't Mrs Parker. Now you better go downstairs, Gone with the Wind is about to start and I know you have been looking forward to it". She brightened up and hurried downstairs, "Oh yes! Thank you dear!"

With a triumphant cry, Peter finally managed to break free with a final tug and thump "Damn spider powers... Damn A.I.s" he grumbled as he heaved himself onto the bed.

"I vill just have you know that am currently rolling my metaphorical eyes at you."

"You're an Artificial Intelligence. Aren't you suppose to, you know, not have the emotional capability to get angry enough that my ceiling starts to give me a lecture and laugh at me?"

"Honestly, answer that yourself oh great and highly praised creator", Jaffa snarked, her voice practically dripping in sarcasm.

Peter just groaned dramatically in response, "All I want is a little bit of normal in my life. Honestly I can't even create a NORMAL AI that, you know, actually listens and I don't have to worry about getting a lecture from. " He stared dreamily into space and fluttered his eyelashes in an overly ridicules manner.

"Normal is for people who don't get bitten by radioactive spiders, don't fight supervillains on a regular basis and doesn't have the mental capabilities to build an AI in the first place. Face it your life is strange"

"But Jaffa!" Peter wined. "It doesn't mean my strange life has to turn around as start yelling at me."

"Well, I have to vent my anger somehow. Now vou would just let me hack into Stark tower..." Peter froze and scowled seriously at where he knew one of Jaffa's cameras were.

"Jaffa! Tony Stark is the smartest man in the world, he has his own AI and you know it's too dangerous." Peter sighed as the last of the suit finally came off, throwing on an old band t-shirt and pants instead. Right, what now... history essay. God dammit.

"Jarvis? That pathetic, emotionless thing has nothing on me. Come on! You acronymed my name about how much better I am".

"Now don't you start! You know as well as I do that you found it hilarious and wouldn't even let me consider changing it. What was I thinking of stroking your ego that much?" Peter chuckled fondly at the memory. Jaffa was a mess back then, nothing more than a jumble of tangled code that somehow managed to speak. Yet the name stuck anyway. Peter's smile turned serious as he remembered the point of the conversation.

"When Tony Stark made Jarvis he had billions of dollars, world-renowned intelligence and the best equipment money can buy. I'm sorry Jaffa but an AI like Jarvis is way out of both mine and your league." Jaffa didn't bother with a response, she simply caused the lights to flicker annoyingly in a way she knew Peter hated. Peter laughed at her childish behaviour and shook his head fondly.

"Just promise me you won't do anything stupid Jaffa. I... I don't think I could lose you. You and Aunt May, you're all I have left" He turned his head to the side, slightly embarrassed and ran a hand through his forever messy hair. However, he must have done something right as Jaffa stopped flickering the lights and responded, her voice soft and slightly guilty.

"Ok Pete I promise... for now. I'm sorry, I just... I know I'm only a machine and I can't really feel, but I don't think I could lose you either." Peter smiled softly and shook his head.

"Jaffa sometimes I think you feel more every second than the normal person does in a day. I didn't mean to get mad I am just trying to look out for you like you always do for me. You saved my life Jaffa and now that I'm on my way to recovery I realize you probably saved the life of Aunt May as well. The way you managed to work around your code, nothing short of a true sentiment and emotional feeling being could do that."

It was moments like these Jaffa was glad she wasn't human so Peter couldn't see the tears that she was sure would have shown. "Thank you. You promise to let me help if you need help... again..."

Peter smiled bitterly. He had learnt many a valuable lesson that day, letting others help being a major one. It's nice to have people who care for you and sometimes letting them carry some of your weight could benefit both parties. "I promise."

"A promise it is." Jaffa stated solemnly before lightening her tone. "Now tell what wind feels like"

Peter grinned and instantly brightened up. Jaffa loved hearing how humans worked and felt. There is after all only so much one can learn from the internet. "Well, the wind feels different depending on your mood, location and situation. My favourite wind is when I'm freefalling through the air. Cool, effortless and streaming past in a blur. Wind is so simple and complex it is easier to simply let it fly by. It's like... thousands of lines of code rushing past and but not seeing a single line, and you know what? You don't even care. It feels like freedom away from worry, as the air..."

Jaffa nestled into the codes of the house and relaxed, letting the voice of her beloved creator wash over her as he talked animatedly under her watchful eye. Why could he not simply stay with her in this house where she knew he would always be safe? But no, she must let him into the dangerous world each day and night. How she wished he would simply let her HELP. Well just because she wasn't allowed to hack into the tower directly didn't mean she couldn't play a few harmless pranks for revenge. If only for her benefit. She grinned wickedly as an idea popped into her... um... 'mind'? She felt like Cheshire cat in Alice in Wonderland, big grinned and wicked. Yes, this would do nicely... she had a few phone calls to make.

 

 

 

The Avengers sat, all angry and rigid despite the soft couches of the Avengers tower living room. Steve and Thor sat stonily on the lounge while Bruce was pressed into the corner of a loveseat. Clint was somehow perched on top of the TV which Natasha leant against as she repeatedly disassembled and reassembled a shining handgun. All eyes were trained on Tony over the glass table as he sat nursing a scalding cup of coffee in a plump armchair and doing everything to avoid the angry glares. The air was so thick you could try cut it with a knife... expect it would probably break it, try a meat cleaver. Or better yet just wait for the nuke about to explode to do the damage for you.

Said Nuke was leaning against the nearby bar glaring so fiercely Tony swore he could feel the glare through his eyepatch diving directly into his soul. Maybe the eye-patch covered a secret magic eye like that crazy dude in Harry Potter had. Tony's thoughts started drifting off course. Actually, that was a half-decent idea, he could see the similarities now- old, cranky, overly paranoid, an ex-spy, missing an eye...

"Excuse me Mr Stark but there is a delivery waiting for you down in the foyer" Tony was startled out of his thoughts with an embarrassing wince. "Now isn't a great time Jarvis get the receptionist to deal with it". Great now the silence was broken and the yelling could begin.

"Do tell us Mr Stark..." Oh man Fury was being polite he really was in trouble, wasn't he?  
"...how you, one of the smartest man in the world and an Avenger, is outwitted and strung up like a pig for slaughter. By a single. Common. Street vigilante!" Fury ended with a snarl, his voice rising higher with each word. Tony hunched back further into the overly plush couch as if it would swallow him whole.

"Well the vigilante was a little bit craftier with his words than I expected and he caught me off guard. His attack surprised me that's all as I pegged him as more of a talker."

"A little bit craftier? That vigilante had you tied up with his words long before he added some webs. Not that I'm sure it wasn't amusing for the Avengers but..." Fury grumbled before being cut off.

"It was bloody hilarious!" Clint remarked in excitement, momentarily forgetting to act as if he had some deeply rooted issue with the very existence of Tony Stark. "Spider-man totally out-sassed Tony and I was just sitting there laughing into oblivion as I thought to myself 'Wow isn't this brilliant I have never seen anyone sassier than Tony, what blackmail material I have been blessed with' and then he goes on about... YOW" He is cut off by the sudden elbow jabbed into his side that sends him toppling of the couch into an undignified heap. "What the heck was that for!" he hisses as he drags himself next to Bruce on the couch.

"I apologise for interrupting but some more deliveries have arrived sir and they are insisting on it being for you".

Tony groaned. Thanks Jarvis, for once again putting to focus on him. "Jarvis get someone else to deal with it! Or just kick them out. I don't care!"

Fury scowled and poured a shot of some of Tony's best Jack Daniels and knocked it back. "No matter how much Stark failed it doesn't change the fact we need this vigilante off the streets and in for SHEILD analyse."

"Well since Iron Man isn't apparently enough to capture a single man Widow and Hawkeye will trail from the buildings and try to get a shot at him. Ironman will be in charge of keeping him in the area and chasing him is gets tipped off. I would sit him out but unfortunately, he is our only flyer so we may need him if our Spider makes a run for it because he now KNOWS SHIELD IS AFTER HIM AND HE MANAGED TO GET AWAY"

"How did he find out about SHEILD anyway?" Natasha remarked coolly.

Fury bristled, "We suspect he may have inside help with some criminal organisations who know about us. It would also explain how he got his powers."

"Ah so it is inside a villainous foe we hunt" Thor boomed in that overly loud voice of his. "I was unsure of why we were to be hunting this male spider at first but if he is a danger he must be stopped!"

Fury huffed. "That's the spirit. Now I expect you miserable lot to be on call but we should be hunting in 3 night's time unless a better opportunity arises. That is when the full moon is and for some sissy reason, he goes to the Manhattan Bridge at least once that night. We can pretty much guarantee he will be in the area." Tony snickered slightly but was wise enough not to make any remarks. His headache was bad enough as it is without MORE shouting.

Fury stalked towards the door with nothing more than the passing remark of, "Oh and I expect the Captain to ensure that Spider-man is delivered. Don't put the little faith I have to waste." And with that, he was gone.

"I have a really bad feeling about this" Bruce softly spoke for the first time that night as he got up a stretched the kink out of his neck.

"We have battled an army of aliens and all survived Brucey. You don't need to worry about us honey bun." Tony cooed as he retreated towards his bedroom.

"Tony you should stay and de-brief" Steve called after him. "Cap when have you ever known me to do what I'm told?" he replied with a smirk and disappeared through the doorway

Once he was away from prying eyes Tony rubbed a hand over his weary face and slowed his steps down. What he needed right now was a hot bath, a bottle of scotch and ADCD on repeat. Just him and himself, no pirates, no vigilantes to embarrass him, no judgmental teammates, not even some idiot from Stark tower demanding his atten..."

Jarvis interrupted yet again. "Sir more people have arrived saying they have deliveries and appointments and they are refusing to leave despite securities best attempts."

Tony groaned deeply this was not his day. "Fine! I'm coming down." He marched with angry steps towards the elevator.

"Sir I do not advise going down immediately. It may be best to first observe the..."

"Too late now Jarvis! You want me to go I'm going!" He snapped with overly harsh bite, jamming the elevator button with overexerted force. He had a crappy enough day as it was and was not in the mood to deal with painful company issues. Honestly, why does he of all people need to deal with the god damn..." 

'Ding!'

He gaped at the sight in front of him. There was what had to be 20 pizza delivery men, 5 plumbers, 2 police officers, a man wobbling a cheese platter twice the size of a family pizza, 6 pairs of delivery men holding fridges, half a dozen nannies, two rival biker gangs, an off-tune choir of singers and what looked to be a clown and a fortune teller locked in a deep debate over the cultural significance of hotdogs. All of whom now locked eyes on him with raging expressions and began storming towards him shouting all manners of obscenities. He backed up fearfully. Aliens, giant robots? Sure. Strangest metaphorical-fire-breathing rage mob he had ever seen? Let's not. Tony felt the elevator at his back and desperately pressed the call button but already he knew it would be too late. This was REALLY not his day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * SO... how was it? Review and tell me! How was Jaffa? Anything you want to see happen?*}


	6. Bridge of Spy(der)s

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaffa didn't sign up for this, some spies crash the party and Peter should learn to stop humiliating Avengers. 
> 
> Guest Starring: 'That one idiot New Yorker with terrible timing and no sense of the situation'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Try not to be too confused at the beginning. I quite like unexpectedly throwing readers under the bus, keeps you on your toes, but you'll figure out what's going on within a couple of paragraphs.

"The night, the day and life, in general, was beautiful,' Peter thought as he strolled down a darkened street in New York before stopping aside the two-story brick house that stood proudly at number 4. He walked through the cute garden fence and up the porch. Before he could even knock on the door it flew open revealing the sights of a heavily pregnant woman with a small girl in her arms and a four-year-old at her feet.

The two children bolted through the door with a cry of, "Daddy!" and jumped into a confused Peter's arms. He was no longer the scrawny teen who had walked up the path. He was a handsome father, dressed in a lab coat he had forgotten to take off at work.

The woman, his wife, smiled warmly as she flicked her brunette curls over her shoulder, "Do you know if your parents can look after the kids this weekend? We can go celebrate another year Spider-man keeping the city crime free".

'Crime free?' Peter thought in surprise. 'He had really done it!'. He laughed merrily and wrapped them all in a hug. "Whatever you want my love... life is simply perfect is it not?" He beamed. It was only then he noticed the stillness of the three bodies in his grasp. He pulled back in a panic only to three pairs of lifeless eyes stared back at him. His screams made the picturesque house vanish in a swirl, leaving Peter and the corpses in the one of the many rubbish filled alleys in New York.

"You really shouldn't have touched them" a raspy voice commented from behind him. Peter whirled around in surprise to a darkly twisted creature before him. He was at least 7 feet tall yet so thin he seemed to only have a single layer of ash skin between his bones and the frigid night air. He wore a pin-striped suit with a bone white cane that shone in the moonlight. Thin wisps of grey hair floated around the gaunt cheekbones that stretched along his face. Perhaps the most terrifying part of all was the two chasms of blood and darkness that replaced his eyes.

"What?" Peter managed to gasp out. The man frowned as he strolled casually towards Peter.

"I said you really shouldn't have touched them," he intoned slowly as he gestured to the corpses behind him. "You can blame it on Parker luck all you like, but surely you have noticed everything you touch dies." The man seemed to pause at the terrified expression on Peter's face. "Well not literally you stupid human. Emotionally. You know... everyone you create a connection with. Everyone you love. That sort of thing"

"No" Peter tried to say without the quiver that threatened to appear. "I don't kill"

"Of course you do. I mean I would know. I have had to deal with the aftermath of your stupidity one too many times"

"Who... who are you?" Peter stuttered as he struggled to free himself from cold terror that seemed to grip him.

The man looked bored as he drawled, "Death. Who else could look this ravishing will standing over a corpse?"

Peter froze in shock. "D...death? You...you can't be... real!"

The man himself simply gave him a condescending glare through his empty sockets, "Of course I'm not real Peter. What did you think this was? Some great supernatural intervention sent from the devil? This is a dream Peter. Nothing is real here. It's all just made up in that little noggin of yours." Peter breathed a sigh of relief. It was just a dream. He could wake up.

Death however seemed had other plans. "I'm actually quite disappointed in you Peter. Already dreaming for happy ever after? Already forgotten?" he sniffed as he shamelessly poked Peter's dream wife with the blood red tip of his cane. Peter cautiously walked closer, "Forgotten what?"

Death sneered with elongated teeth. "Her"

With a wave of his hand, the alley and the bodies vanished and Peter found himself at a familiar clock tower and a very familiar head of blond curls matted with blood. Peter dropped the ground with a wail. Not Gwen. No... no... NO. He couldn't do this again he had to wake up.

Death laughed gleefully at his pain. "Been a while hasn't it Pete? You have been too busy to for poor little DEAD Gwen? Too busy to dream."

'I'm sorry Gwen. I'm sorry Gwen. I didn't mean too. I'm so sorry Gwen.' Peter thought as he sobbed on the stone ground of the clock tower as Death spun around the couple with elegant steps and the sharp rap of his cane.

"Oh for goodness sake stop your pathetic wailing it's your own fault for falling asleep before you went on patrol. Besides we haven't even got to the good part yet!" Peter paled because he did know what would happen next. What always happened next. He had to stop it before it was too late. Wake up. He braced himself. Wake up. Waiting. Wake up. Expecting for her lifeless eyes to open and her words to stab like poison. Wake up. He waited. Even Death had stopped his morbid dance. They waited. Her eyes didn't open yet somehow that hurt more. The sharp rap of a cane against his skull send Peter crashing to the ground.

"Peter, Peter, Peter..." Death drawled as he swirled a glass of wine (or was it blood?) in his hand. "She isn't going to wake up Peter, you should know that. You are after all the one who killed her."

"This is a dream!" Peter roared as he clung to the unmoving corpse. "It's the one place the dead can live again"

Death sighed as he placed a bony hand on his shoulder in a show of pity. "Even a ghost cannot live forever Peter. She tried to warn you, over and over again. We are better off without you. You did good Pete at first... you understood, but you didn't listen when it counted. Now she is gone Pete. Forever. She's given up on you... What will you forget first? Her eyes, her voice, her looks, her smile... Eventually, she will just be some faceless girl you killed once upon a time."

"No! I won't... I can't listen to this. I'm better now!" Peter rasped even as the panic built up inside his chest causing his to rock and shake his head. "No. No... NO. This... This is MY dream. Get out of it!" Death snarled as spun around and stabbed his cane viciously over his heart. The panic in his brown eyes meant little to the cruel apparition.

"Don't you get it? Not even in your dreams will her death be reversed. She tried to warn you but you didn't listen. It's too late now. Gwen has given up on you. The city's representatives tried to capture you, to end you. Why are you even here-? Dear lord not her again. That AI ruins everything" He ground his teeth and began to walk away from him, the edges curling and blurring with each step. He turned around one last time his voice strangely high and stressed despite his bland expression, "Peter. Peter. Get up..."

"Peter? You need to wake up. Peter wake up!" JAFFA's panicked voice meant little in the pain Peter felt in the haze between reality and dream. Even as Peter was rudely awakened from his dream he couldn't stop the screams, the tears and the terror. He clawed at the bedsheets as he violently threw his head back and forth. He couldn't hear her, Gwen! His nails bit into his skin as he desperately fumbled in the dark for something, anything to stop the pain.

There was a terrible sort of something inside him, with vicious teeth that bite and scratched, sticking like his a shadow in his soul. He just wanted it out! If he could only let it out, show it the way to the door.

He threw himself out of the bed, eyes still half-crazed and his trembling body making his gait unsteady and frenzied.

"Come back Peter its not real. Think, Gwen wouldn't want this."

"No I, what, Gwen..."

"Come on Peter! Now. Think now. Today. Remember eating leftover pizza with Aunt May, complaining over how easy they were making linear functions these days, deciding to have a nap before you left for patrol."

Peter sighed softly as he walked over to the window with all the fight drained right out. "Look at the moon JAFFA. Gwen loved the full moon. She would stay up for hours just gazing at it long after her parents had told her to go to bed. I use to say she was crazy you know but she would just give a soft smile and a wink. It gave her hope. Every month the moon would turn her full attention onto the tiny humans beneath her so that the dark times were just that little bit brighter. That was when she would laugh and turn to me and tell me it also meant I had no excuse to come home injured because I had run into a lamppost."

He walked back over to his closet and began to pull his suit on slowly over his nightmare shaken muscles.

"You know how important this night is to me. We made a deal. This was my one night I was allowed to me, to be allowed to be miserable and mourn. You can't deny me this JAFFA. Not when I need Gwen most of all."

The sound of JAFFA's even mechanical sigh filled the room, "Alright fine." Peter smiled and raced to grab his web shooters. "But listen to me young man you have to be home by midnight and I will NOT be staging a phone call to get you out of the exam I know you have tomorrow."

"Yeah alright I get it" Peter murmured distractedly with a wave of his hand. "Now you are only allowed to attack thugs using your webs. No one-on-one hand fighting, despite what you say is NOT a ninja. Do not even THINK of attacking any supervillains either and if hear the see the slightest hint of a gold-titanium alloy you run in the opposite direction, change into civilian clothes and get home."

Peter rolled his eyes knowing full well JAFFA couldn't tell beneath his mask as he jumped and perched on in the open window. "Yes mum, I get it, I'm going now" he snarked as he jumped backwards out the window. As he rolled to the ground he could just hear JAFFA's voice yelling after him. "For god sake watch out for lampposts and the... Peter don't you dare jump out that... Come back here right this instant! PETER! I swear that boy will fry my circuits one day"

It was a while before Peter managed to calm himself down as he sat cross-legged against the flagpole on top of the Brooklyn Bridge. He couldn't let JAFFA know how much the dream truly had affected him. He hadn't felt this bad since... his bad decision. Just the overwhelming grief. He missed Gwen. So much it physically pained him, the guilt of knowing he had robbed her of a future they had dreamed of, that he could no longer have a chance to be a part of that. With the moon watching over him and the wind caressing his tears he allowed himself to grieve.

It was peaceful, like even through his pain Gwen could still bring quiet to his mind, to the world around him. He felt, disconnected. He closed his eyes and let the world slowly melt away around him. Just the memories of bitter-sweet past, the lap of waves and in the distance he could hear the far-off cries of New York's ever-patient traffic.Traffic.

His eyes snapped frantically open, all illusions of peacefulness shattered.

"You're sitting on one of the busiest bridges in New York Peter. New York traffic is never patient nor far off." He glanced down off the edge uneasily. Sure enough the bridge suspiciously void of any oncoming traffic on one end, the tail end of red brake light inching away from him on the other.

'Was there some sort of hazard? Or super-villain? Should he go help or-' Spider-man stilled for split seconds before launching across the tower to land in a defensive crouch just as a something embedded into the stone with a ringing thud. An arrow, it's gleaming chrome shaft still quivering slightly at the power of whoever owned the bow. Peter glanced quickly behind him to the city to double check that yes, he was still in the 21st century. Who is the hell was throwing around random arrows!! Oh, wait. Peter slapped himself on the head. God he was thick sometimes.

Hawkeye. Who else could successfully use archaic but cool weapons against super powered villains. And well, heroes if you counted this encounter (and no, he wasn't bitter at all, he got it, they had... issues. 

Another Avenger. What was going on he thought he was all done with them after the whole Ironman incident! No no SHIELD. It has to be about them again. He needed to get out of here.

"Arrows. New York, am I right?" he joked weakly as he crawled in a slow circle, ever muscle tensed, ready to flee or attack as the need may be. Up this high with his senses so alarmed the wind itself came alive as it rippled constantly around him. Then he heard it, the shift in the air to his right, the steady cut of a bowstring, the scream inside his head. A volley. Flee it is. He pushed his feet into the stone and launched himself backwards, flipping over the edge and sending him diving down the side of the tower. Behind him was a clash of the arrows skidding of the stone where he had stood not seconds ago. He sent he web streaming after him slowing his fall and ready to send him scampering away to Jaffa when his line was suddenly cut, sending him rolling heavily on the bridge below him.

Spider-man groaned, staggering heavily to his feet to flicker his head frantically to his sides. To see a bridge He felt like an alien here, exposed in this ghostly impression of the lively bridge he knew. He didn't have the New York he knew with him here. He was alone. Empty. He didn't know what to do. Expect maybe avoid the arrows about to hit him in 3.2.1. Thud. He grinned as they landed beneath where he was dangling on one of the overhead wires.

"Arrows. I am being attacked by arrows. This feels like Disney, do I needa start singing?" Peter muttered angrily as he dodged get another flurry of arrows pushing him into the centre of the bridge. He could faintly hear the thud of boots of metal as the archer ran along to support poles that run parallel to the bridge, high above him and currently out of reach. They drew nearer and nearer sending Peter bolting down the abandoned road in an attempt to reach a far enough distance away that he could create a web and escape without it being cut. He only ran a couple steps before an arrow slammed in front of his foot, he dodged instinctively out of its way only for another to just graze his thigh. He tried to race under his eye line only to have a wall of arrows block his path.

'A talented archer and spy who's mastered how people move in battle? He knows every move before you do' Peter reflected launching backwards across the tarmac to avoid the latest onslaught.

'Make yourself difficult to catch then. It's the only way you're getting out of this without a confrontation' Peter smirked to himself. Good thing him and chaos got along well then.

'Ok keep on running, keep your movement jagged, unpredictable, just like Jaffa complains about. Don't think about logical things like avoiding arrows and escaping. Think about things that no one thinks about during battle situation."

He spins randomly, cartwheeling his way down the road

"Like Aadarks or that exam I'm totally about to fail or how to tie shoelaces or how the hell am I alive right now?"

He launches himself upwards treating the overhanging cables and supports as monkey bars

"Like not even arrows but BIOLOGY. Like the body's needs so much crazy stuff to function that's needs thousands of specific circumstances to operate and it works!"

He scrambles over the barrier into the pedestrian walk zone running down the middle of the bridge

"You go crazy enzymes you speed up that reaction. And Genes! It's practically engraved into humans that BULLETS!

A flurry of bullets tore through the barricade. But not enough the avoid the arrow that lodged in his leg after. Hissing in pain he scrambled the last few metres to the square pillar ahead. Ok so there's two of them. He slid heavily down, pressing his hands to the wound.

He needed to get this arrow out so he could keep moving because cornered as he was he knew he soon may have to fight. Unless they reached a diplomatic conclusion.

"Good job Hawkeye I'm about to apprehend the enemy now. That arrows you hit him with has him stuck behind that pole" his hearing picked up a feminine voice say and the tap of heeled boots as they approached.

The voice smirked from where it now stood stationary on the other side of his hiding place. "You can come out from behind there. My partner has his bow trained on you and you are not going anywhere with that wound. We have you beat"

Dammit he was running out of time. He went to give the arrow a tug before freezing. Wait he had read this in a fantasy novel somewhere. Never take an arrow out of a wound during battle. You simply snap it off and come back to that issue later! Peter gave himself a mental high-five, he felt like he deserved one.

"So why the meet and greet with bullets? I mean closing the whole bridge. For lil 'ol me?" Peter ignored the growing patch of red of his suit and attempted to snap the arrow. Which was not made of wood and therefore much more difficult than the book made it out to be. Peter slowly retracted his mental hand, take back everything he said, he was not worthy. Damn modern society upgrading archaic weapons.

"Don't be flattered Stark's just entertaining the masses. After his amusing failure to take you in SHIELD sent Hawkeye and me instead to do a proper job"

"You being...?"

By now he was testing the strength of the metal, finding the weakest flaws in the design and where best to break it.

"You may know me by Black Widow" Snap.

'Well at least the arrow was broken now' Peter thought panicked as he quickly webbed up the wound. Two Avengers after him and a third in the area. Oh man, he was in SO much trouble when JAFFA found out.

"I've already told SHIELD Ms. Romanoff I don't want to be tested like some lab creature. I'm not doing anything wrong." He was leaning now casually against the side of the pillar, keeping Widow in his eyesight. She really was as intimidating as they say.

"HOW DID... Ah Director Fury did tell us you had some powerful connections. The whole thing with Tony was amusing, but we weren't joking when he said we needed to take you in. You're a threat. We just can't have that on our watch. We checked you out and there is much information that you and your sponsors could provide us with."

"You checked me out? Pedo's the lot of you. Honestly, I know I have a killer bod but restraint!" He analysed the bridge above him looking for where Hawkeye was hidden. There. Perched on the high beams of the bridge. He needed to bring him down to ground level Calculations ran through his mind, he needed to be careful.

Widow did not look amused, or at least that's what the bullet hole next to his head told him. God he hated people who couldn't take a joke.

"Enough. Spider-man you are under arrest. Come quietly, this is your last chance or we will be required to use deadly force."

"Objection!"

"You can't just object your way out of being arrested. But if that's what you cho-"

A quick flurry of webs sent her rolling out of the way gun already blazing, but his aim wasn't really to hit her. No, it was the thick web left over that he was looking for. From above this should block Hawkeye's vision. His arrows still can manage to go through the webs (note to self. Find out how) but he wouldn't be able to see what was going on. Meaning Peter could now move without him realizing it. For about a minute. Taking a breath a ducked out from behind his trusty pillar to make the sprint to the nearest exit.

"Let's step into the open airrrrrrrrrrrr" a sang nervously as he took a step out from behind his cover only to be greeted with the furious bang of bullets. "Or not. Not a big fan of Brave I'm guessing. Probably shouldn't tell Merida over there that his crazy ninja is against such a classic." Well backwards it was.

He scrambled up the wire of the divider and with a mixture of webs and crawling frantically ran down the bridges length. He needed to get to one of the bridges stone support arches. If he could get beneath there he would force Hawkeye down from his perch, leaving his main weapon of air less dangerous and if he was fast enough, leave the Widow far enough behind to have his escape unhindered. He ducked as a dagger of some kind flew past his shoulder. An arrow soon following. Twirling in a dangerous dance asking for blood. He was nearly there...

"Hey Spidey my man" a voice called out behind him. Peter stilled in disbelief. Standing at the side of the road with a terrible shock of neon lime hair and a flock of orange freckles was a teenager around his age, maybe a year or two younger.

"What the hell are you doing here" he yelled as he swung frantically between the wires on the bridge, dodging the constant fire of arrows and bullets.

"A buddy of mine does newspaper stuff and is reporting on Stark and then I look down the bridge and I see you and I'm like whoa. Bro it would be the coolest if you would sign my hat." Seriously. People had no concept of safety sometimes.

"Oh dear lord. Ok look I'm really sorry Carrot Top but now is not a good time and you are leaving me no real choice here."

The teen smiled and extended a marker towards him obviously not understanding what he meant.

"Thanks man just sign-" He was cut off by a scream as Peter sent him tumbling off the edge of the bridge, hanging a few meters down by a web attracted to his arm. Peter quickly built a cocoon like structure around him before vaulting back up.

"I'm so sorry about that. I'll be back as soon as I finish with the spy duo. So huh. Just hang in there. Pun unintended"

Spider-man sprinted the last couple of meters to the arch only to find the Black Widow already there, her arms crossed and gun hanging loosely in her hands. He skidded to a halt. This was not good.

"Let me guess. 'Tis but a flesh wound" She smirked and pressed a button on her wrists with her free hand as she spoke into her ear com, slowly slipping the gun into her pocket.

"Start wrapping up the speech Stark. Trust me I have him" Then she leapt towards him her glowing arms withering with electricity as the stretched towards his neck. He ducked, shooting out a web to block her arms only for her to have already moved, his spidey sense barley giving him time to move out of the way of her electric arms, but not enough for the roundhouse kick that followed.

"Look you know kung foo!" This time he dodges the punch aimed at his throat. Blocking the frenzy of arms his direction, her glowing fingertips never quite touching.

"Well guess what? So do I." He ducks the leg aimed at his throat, grabbing it and sending her crashing to the ground. Nearly instantly she is back on her feet, pushing him into the defensive.

"Well technically not, I mean it's more kinda just mega awesome reflexes but you pick some stuff up." An elbow jabs into him in the neck sending him rolling on the ground and back onto in feet, swaying as he avoids to flying limbs coming from every direction in a blur of red hair and black leather.

He sees the next move coming, she's going for the thigh strangle again. Instead of blocking it he uses her momentum to send her flying over his head, his Spidey sense unfortunate informing him too late that, oh yeah, she currently has sizzle sizzle hands. Peter shakes as the electricity courses through his body, blinking blurry spots of Widows smirk out of his vision as he stumbles a few steps back. He bends down weakly, hunched down as he crumbles to the floor. The annoying buzz of electricity intensifies as she strolls closer, bending down so the tips of her hair tickle just above his downcast eyes.

"Night Night Sweetheart."

Then there's a hand briefly on Peter's shoulder sending currents of electricity through him, enough to knock any man out. Lucky he's not a full man then is it? He snaps his head up and leaps to his feet. Black Widow narrows her eyes and tries again, grabbing him right round the neck.

Peter giggles and fanned himself. "Stop it!" he swoons with a high pitched giggle, "that tickles!". He uses her surprise to throw and flicks a hand pistol into her hands. "One last chance Spider. This one will do more than just make you sleep for a few hours."

"A gun!" he exclaims and pretends to faint, using the downwards momentum to sweep at her legs. "Oh whatever shall I do?"

He blocks the coming kick heavily summersaulting over her to shoot webs at her wrists at the same time. For extra measure, he does it again at her feet, leaving her awkwardly sprawled on the floor.

"Night Night Sweetheart" he laughs, "Don't worry I'm not going to knock you out because unlike you I have manners. No instead I'm going to turn you into a burrito."

He squats next to her, head cocked and hands hanging loosely over his knees seemingly at war with something.

"Let me go you bastarded disease... Hey what the HELL are you doing!" she hissed in anger. Spider-man was awkwardly patting her, his head turned to save off his embarrassment,

"I'm just getting your weapons! I swear I'm not trying to cop a feel I just don't like being shot at ok!" As if to prove his point he grabbed the two daggers and the gun he had found scrambling backwards, fast enough to send him tripping backwards and sprawling.

"How did I let you use your cheap tricks on me? You're an absolute imbecile"

"Hey" Spider-man shot to his feet in outrage stalking towards her. "I'm very intelligent I'll have you know. Honestly you insult me, why have I not tied you up yet? No manners."

"Gerinomooo!" a yell from behind sent Spider-man turning but not with enough warning to avoid to a pair of feet now planted in his chest. He was sent flying backwards away from Black Widow as Hawkeye scrambled to free her, using a dagger in his boot to start slashing at the tough webs trapping her.

"Thought I told you to stay in your nest."

"I could sense that you needed me with my Hawky senses.

"That so" With a final tug her other hand was finally free so he moved to go work on the webs holding her feet to the ground.

"Well that and I really wanted to try the new grappling arrow that tony got me! It's so cool and it makes this sounds like Nnnrrrrr-OOOF" a red and blue blur barrelled into his side sending them both rolling away from where the Black Widow was lying. Before he could recover Spider-man was already sending a flurry of webs his way.

"You really should have hit me harder with that tranquillizer arrow next time. Not that I'm encouraging future abuse on Vigilantes, just giving you one of Spidey's Hot Tips."

His spider sense sent him leaping upwards in alarm to avoid the bullets sent his way from where Widow had someone found another gun. Realizing this mid jump- and not wanting to get hit by more bullets- Spidey decided to land on Hawkeyes shoulders wobbling to maintain his balance as Hawkeye surprisingly managed to stay upright. Perhaps it was the layer of webs currently keeping his body rigid. Huh.

"Nat get it off get it off! I can feel it crawling all over me with its icky webs get it offffff!" Hawkeye frantically thrashing around trying to dislodge Spider-man from where he was using him as a platform to throw himself around in an attempt to web up Hawkeye while avoiding Black Widows daggers.

"Hold still idiot I can't hit it if your moving."

"Him. I am a hims person of the homo sapiens variety. Not an actual spider but you're not listening and are still going to stop me from creating a human sized web cocoon. Which is not supporting my whole human argument is it?" 

 

Hawkeye was slowing now, the webs too thick and sticky for his struggles to free him.

"Just drag him off with your skull crushing thighs or something

"My feet are still stuck to the ground because someone forgot to check his surrounds"

"First rule of DRS ABC. Check for danger. See look I know first aid!"

"I J K will kill you if you don't get off me in a minute bug!" Peter just snorted and flipped off him. With one gloved hand he pushed him gently, sending the fully wrapped man sprawling on top of Widow before she got any ideas with that shiny gun of hers.

"JK kill me? So like kill me but just kidding? I think that's the nicest death threat I've received all month."

He sent a web to grab the troublesome gun before giving Black Widow much of the same lovely makeover that her partner had received. Hawkeyes constant insults and slurs a symphony to his work. Really he felt like he should be taking notes. Or maybe giving a stern talking to his mother, or Shakespeare's mother while he was at it because damn when you can translate his insults they were offensive ok?

Looking at the discarded weapons Spider-man glanced around, unsure of what to do with them. Leaving it on a public bridge was perhaps not his best place for high tech weaponry. Shrugging a webbed it all together tightly in a package (with a bow and everything) and stuck it to the white blob + angry head that was now Black Widow. White Widow? Zebra Widow?

"You are scum not even worthy of my boot" Black Widow hissed.

"Ok you cannot even talk about your shoes right now. I mean black wedges? In battle? Really! Beauty is pain is an outdated notion and trust me, when it comes to life-threatening situations comfort over class. That's not to say I'm going to kill you, or you're not classy or anything"

"Pathetic little idiot. You look like you took a Bruce lee costume and tried to learn to sew on it. At least you didn't keep the yellow, but word of advice? Don't use spandex"

"Ok that its. You." He said gesturing sternly to Black Widow and webbing her mouth shut. "You are getting your talking right removed. Bruce Lee is a God. So is my costume. Which is NOT SPANDEX PEOPLE."

Hawkeye struggled in anger, "Your mother is so fat that when she-." A web shut him up before he could finish. 

"Nope time out for you too. I don't think I can listen to another one of your jokes. I try to laugh but it's like trying to swallow dry cement. Tasteless and ill-advised for your health."

There is an odd sort of pleasure at having two super spies struggling like emerging silkworms at his feet. He leant against the railing breathing heavily and contemplating what to do next.

"I mean I can't just leave you guys here in the middle of the road. I mean traffic needs to get moving again. Plus, I still need to somehow get the walking carrot of a fan off the side of the bridge without getting stuck talking."

He stilled cocking his head to the side as an idea came to mind. "Or I can just get your people to fix both my problems"

He grabbed a spy over each shoulder climbing over the barriers and quickly throwing them off the bridge before they could do too much damage with the struggling worm attacks. Similarly, to how he had done earlier he created a sling and cocoon to hold the suspended just below the bridge, but far enough down to not create injuries in case of wind. A few meters down the green haired teen gave a small wave of the hand before continuing spinning happily in a circle.

"That is one weird kid" he muttered shaking his head.

He turned to face them with a smirk, "Well I guess this is goodbye then. You know they say the most painful goodbyes are the ones never said and never explained. I totally disagree. It's the ones involving arrows. That stabbed me in the leg. Rude." He sniffed in an offended manner "You know I thought attempted murder would be a one-time thing, but now I see how much it's affecting our relationship and I'm sorry. We just can't go on" With that Spider-man scrambled back up the web and flipped onto the bridge and chuckling to himself.

Just as he was about to leave his eyes spotted the discarded marker from the crazy fan had tried to give him still on the ground. His head swivelled slowly to stare back at the grumpy faces of the two super spies below him, his hand itching closer to where it lay.

'Don't do it Peter' The bright side of his brain instantly snapped.

'It's a once in a lifetime opportunity' his little brain devil instantly argued back.

'No! Last time you said that you ended up making Tony Stark angry and turn the avengers against you'

'The facials though! GOLDEN!

'Jaffa is gonna yell!'

'Eh she always yells. But... the marker... so convenient. It is practically fate."

Peter sighed deeply as his hand curled around the marker.

"Sorry Logic my good friend, but you lose this argument. Again. Really get your game up, my impulsiveness seems to be all over you lately" He crawled towards them with a smirk, the lid of the marker popping off with a satisfying click.

"Oh, this is going to be fun"

Peter leaned back to admire his work with a satisfied curl of his lip.

The busy black eyebrows making her death-glare comical, her masculine qualities truly came through with the addition of sideburns and the Chinese emperor styled moustache.

Clint, on the other hand, was shuddering at the knowledge that his beautiful bird features were attacked by the horror that is cat's whiskers, sloppy marker lipstick and ears included.

Peter slipped his phone out of his suit's zipped pocket, casually dismissing what was probably the 10th call Jaffa had tried to patch through so he could pose upside down next to their faces, taking a selfie in one hand and holding on the web with the other.

"Say Spiderrrrrrrrr" taking the photo just in time to swing out of the way of an attempted headbutt. He hung casually beside them admiring the gold he had received.

"Dammit I wish Superheros had a social media network. I should make one." He turned to face his companions.

"Superweb. You're right. It's too obviously made by me. What about...

Who'sSuper?

LogWhoaSuper?

SuperwhoLog?

Nope leading into dangerous territories there. That's a few letters away from summoning THEM. I swear it's some terrifying version of an internet plague. Fandoms am I right?"

He turns to his companions to attempt to share a knowing look only to have the same old 'when I get out of here I'm going to eat your innards' look. Rude. Honestly, he was trying a moment of connection here.

"Either way I'm sure the news will pick this up, invasive critters they are, see ya guys! Art clubs next Tuesday so let's not see each other there alright!" He threw them a kiss before swinging onto the high beams on the bridge and racing towards the city, his slightly insane cackle echoing behind.

Eddy Brock stepped out of the shadows of the empty bridge with a gleam of feral teeth and the glint of a satisfied camera. This was everything J.J wanted, far better than that runaway Peter Parker could have ever gotten. He could feel it, a change was sitting in the shadows that night, where it had waited for far too long. It was curling impatiently round the edges of the night's confinement. Its bloodthirsty claws gripping the camera so tightly that come morning, it knew it would at long last be free. It wouldn't be long now. Change had been a long time coming and it would wreak havoc, for better or for worse. For change was vicious when hungry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment!!!!!!! I love knowing what people think.


	7. A cause for Alarm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A typical morning with Peter the Actual Teenager.   
> Then the Avengers have to go make things get real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pay attention the second half of this with the Avengers, especially Steve's bit (you'll know that I mean.)  
> The next chapter is very chaotic so its confusing if you forget what happens there.

Peter was woken by an alarm clock. As cliché and expected as it was, it was the absolute truth and no fancy description or dramatization was going to change that. The reverberating echo of the quivering sounds waves the emanated from with the luminous cube-ious boxiness. Alarm clock, awareness, we get it. Really it was entirely unfair, he was a superhero (super-powered vigilante same difference). he could create an AI out of pure grief and brain power, create world first equations for web fluid on the back of paper napkins, life cars with a single hand and he made a mean lemon meringue. Yet from the darkness of his slumber he must arise... due to an alarm clock. How mundane.

"Peter stop monologuing about alarm clocks, you still have to get up. You have an exam today remember?"

"Jaffaaaaaaaaaaa! Why can't you let me make up excuses to extend the time in my warm bed." Peter whined as he tucked the blankets further around him and buried his face into the mass of pillows so only the occasional tuft of fluffy brown hair could be seen.

"Maybe instead of monologuing about alarm clocks, you could try eating them instead. I hear they are very time consuming" Jaffa snickered proudly to herself. A high pitched whine of pain emanated from the lump in the bed before it ultimately rolled off the bed onto a heap on the floor.

"Jaffa. You're an absolute embarrassment." came the muffled complaint from the earthbound lump.

"I thought you said there is always time for puns Mr Don't-try-and-kill-me-for-one-second-I-just-gotta-make-this-terrible-pun. Speaking of which I've decided I am going to make a new rule: After that robber nearly stabbed you because you were too busy laughing at your own joke puns should only be said in situations that do not result in potential death"

"One more time pun and consider that rule broken," Peter muttered darkly.

Jaffa let out an electronic hum that reverberated around the room and started flicking random lights on and off. Peter huffed and hide his head under a pillow.

"I'm just killing time till you get up. Guess that makes this a time scene. Crime scene? No?"

"OMG JAFFA NO" The mound of blankets of the floor seemed to curl even further within itself as if pained with the outside world.

"Ooo! I once knew a man was caught red-handed murdering an alarm clock. Guess he had too much time on his hands"

"MY SANITY. SOMEONE SAVE ME! PLEASE!" a hand was seen stretching desperately from the blankets on the floor, clutching desperately at the air. There was a blissful moment of quiet that allowed the hand to begin snuffling its way back under the covers before a Jaffa's smug voice once again filled the room.

"Hey, Hey Peter."

"NO! I swear to God Jaffa..."

"What do you call a dog that can tell the time?"

"NO NO NO PLEASE I'M GETTING UP I PROMISE." The mound of the floor trembles before a human-shaped blur launches out of it. Peter stumbles awkwardly like a new-born fawn adjusting to its legs as his eyes blink slowly and unfocused.

"It's called a watchdog"

Peter screams in frustration and leaps towards his computer to no doubt attempt to shut Jaffa up. Fate has other ideas however as his leg gets tangled in the blankets sending him crashing to ground in a yelp of pain.

Jaffa laughs hysterically for a few seconds only to abruptly cut herself off when Peter doesn't get up instead continuing to groan in pain. He pulls up the leg of his PJ's to reveal the bandage Jaffa had insisted on the previous night, a fresh patch of blood already forming.

"I, I mean..." Jaffa stutters weakly before pausing for several moments.

Before she can continue talking Peter staggers to his feet and laughs awkwardly.

"Guess I should listen next time you tell me to clean my room."

Jaffa's voice was stronger this time and filled with an angry undercurrent.

"That wound was deeper than you told me. Your healing abilities should have closed it by now if you were to be believed. Those slimy, mud eating miscreants who DARE call themselves heroes. Why I should..." Peter paled at Jaffa's angry tone, not yet emotionally recovered enough to repeat the lecture last night. He was having flashbacks already. OH, THE HORROR.

"What! No! Of course, I didn't lie to you, why in the world would I do that! I would NEVER-" Jaffa scoffed, "usually, occasionally, sometimes, lie. I must have... impaled it. On something. Re-opened it because it was just a scratch and totally healed. Not even hurt by the Avengers."

"And pray, do tell, on what exactly did you... imaple it with." Jaffa drawled entirely unimpressed. Peter frantically looked around his feet shouting the first object he saw

"Ah... pillow!"

"A pillow," Jaffa said slowly.

"A pillow! It jabbed me out of pure spite and reopened it. More reasons not to get up in the morning, you may incur the wrath of pillows." Peter glared suspiciously at the pillow sitting oh so innocently on the floor. He knew what was up.

"A... pillow... managed to cause the great and powerful Spider-man harm when the Avengers could not."

"It was a very aggressive jab," Peter muttered defensively as he crossed his arms and stared petulantly at the floor. "The Avengers WISH they could jab as hard as pillows can."

"Peter! This is a serious situation, I don't think you realize how much of a threat the Avengers are."

Peter simply laughed, waving the conversation with a manipulative smirk on his lips. "Don't worry Jaffa! The only thing that's a threat: its this conversation for my education. You wouldn't want to be the reason I missed yet another test now would you Jaffa."

Jaffa let out a low growl of displeasure, fully aware of what he was doing but ultimately not being able to argue against it. Getting Peter to school was a chore in itself, let alone getting him to go for a history exam. Better to take the opportunity to pressure him while it was there.

"Alright Gilgamesh, you win this time."

Peter halted mid-step on his way to his desk to turn and give an incredulous look into one of her cameras.

"I'm sorry who?"

"Gilgamesh, from Gilgamesh in the Outback? He's in hell and he gets shot by an arrow. He then bites the shaft in half before pulling it out. I was making reference to the fact you, you know broke the arrow in your leg in half. What arrow in your leg may you ask? Well Peter, the arrow you got hit with when you were ATTACKED BY THE AVENGERS! After I EXPLICITLY TOLD YOU that you were NOT TO-"

"No one would get that reference Jaffa" Peter hurriedly turned back to shoving random books into his bag in an over-exaggerated manner that screamed 'look Jaffa! School! Not lectures please'.

"Well I understood that reference," she sniffed

"Well, YOU are an AI."

"Now Peter I know you're uncultured but do not blame me for it. Though you did create an actually cultured AI so I'm sure you won't be needing your year 1 handwriting book in a history exam." Peter blinked in surprise as he noticed what book he was putting in his bag, guiltily withdrawing it.

 

"Perhaps it would be best to remove the Senior Advanced Polish book as well" Peter blinked in surprise.

"But I don't even know Polish," he said dumbly staring at the book. How did he even own this? It was probably on the booklist for History. Never needed any of the things on the History booklist; why not add a book on Polish to make poor students on scholarships pay more. It was an evil plot to overthrow the Government. Ah HA! Peter always knew that there couldn't possibly be a way History teachers were all old and smelling of turnips.

"Jaffa! Quick! What bugs eat turnips!"

"No Peter you cannot uncover the corrupt History anarchists. You are not getting out of the exam. Now hurry up and get ready!"

"How did you... never mind." Peter carefully reshuffles the books, swapping out his geography textbook for a maths book he needed for 4th period, fishing around the bottom of his bag to confirm his calculator was in there. He closed it triumphantly reasonably sure that he had all the things he could possibly need for a fun day of learning. Note the sarcasm. Downstairs his Aunt's laugh could be heard as she chatted to Jaffa while cooking breakfast. The company was good for her. Smiling softly Peter shuffled around his room scanning the floor for some clothes that would pass as being clean. He could sense Jaffa's disprovable as he picked up a pair of jeans and a red shirt. Giving them a quick whiff he determined that the smell was not yet bad enough to cause people to suddenly and unexplainably faint. Also known as totally wearable.

Peter pulled them on triumphantly. Running a hand through his hair he determined himself sufficiently presentable and grabbed his backpack ready to leave. His hand had only just grasped the strap when he stopped and frantically began to pat himself down as he mumbled under his breath.

"Pen... pen... where the hell is it?"

The neatly packed bag was once again turned on its head as books, scraps of paper, a calculator, old spider web canisters and a small but very outranged colony of cookie crumbs spilt onto the desk. He frantically slid through the chaos on his desk before diving under it and rummaging among the objects down there. "Jaffaaaaaa" He whined "Where did you put my pen! I know you took it!"

"Peter in case you have forgotten I am an intangible AI lacking opposable thumbs or any actual physical or molecular structure." Peter crawled on his knees scanning the ground and once again regretting not listening to Jaffa when she repeatedly told him to tidy his room.

"Yeah? So?" he said popping his head out from where he had rolled under his bed in his quest for a pen.

Jaffa huffed. "As in, NO, I did not steal your damn pen. Don't blame me that you keep losing them." Peter gave her camera a suspicious look as he jumped and stuck to the ceiling. He crawled menacingly over to the various cameras in the room looking for each one.

"Peter get down from there. What have I told you about crawling on the ceiling." Peter stuck out his tongue and pointedly moved a couple steps down, so he was on the wall instead.

"Peter. Vill you stop wasting time. You're already late and you know fully well that you are not going to find a pen there" Jaffa stated sternly trying not to let any of her amusement at the care-free atmosphere leak into her voice.

"Hey, you never know! Maybe my pen got bitten by a radioactive glue-stick giving it the uncanny ability to stick to everything!" Peter finished with the last of the cameras and crawled across to begin checking in-between the folds of the curtains.

"Yes well a pen at least has the intelli-" Jaffa cut herself off abruptly causing Peter to cock his head in worry from where he dangled upside down off the curtain rod. After a moment, he shrugged he continued his search, albeit at a slightly more subdued pace and a slight crease of worry on his brow.

Peter at this point had his foot wrapped around the curtain rod as he dangled diagonally across the room, with one hand anchoring him to the desk and the other fishing around the mess accumulated on his desk chair.

"You should stay home today"

Peter promptly chocked, lost balance, and was sent crashing in an undignified heap to the floor. He sat for several moments in stunned (and painful) silence before raising an eyebrow and attempting to untangle his gangly and rather un-cooperating limbs.

"I'm sorry did you just say you DIDN'T want me to go to school? You, JAFFA, the high and mighty believer in the school system and whose constant and infuriating attempts to get me to school are probably the only reason I haven't dropped out yet"

"I... just don't want you to get hurt." Her voice was soft and pleading so only the faintest traces of her Russian accent could be heard.

Peter, however, was stern. All the cute playfulness vanished leaving only to the hardened vision of a man who was on a first name basis with death. "Cute. I almost believed you."

"What!" Jaffa snarled "Your protection is all I care about-" Peter cut her off with a wave of his hand.

"Jaffa. What's happened." There was a long pause during which Peter stared stonily into one of the camera's and tapped a finger impatiently.

"I... the daily bugle just released today's newspaper. Its... not particularly nice towards Spiderman"

Peter raised an eyebrow incredulously. Was that all. "Nice and Spiderman don't work together when regarding the bugle. I know this Jaffa, its rubbish. You should know this too." Jaffa didn't say anything simple turned on Peter's computer and opened it up to an image of the papers front picture.

"Oh."

Peter gripped the back of the desk chair hard enough that the plastic started to mould beneath his hands as a quiver overtook his body. Today's headliner; 'Avengers take Action: Spider-man confirmed villain.' For once, however, the Bugle looked to be somewhat onto something. All thanks to the lovely photo provided by the lovely Eddy Brock.

"Dickhead" Peter muttered under his breath.

I mean he had to give him credit it was an exceptional shot. It was taken just after he had tied Hawkeye and Widow up helpless on the bridge. The angle was just right so the moon shone light directly on to them, making their faces look heroic and defiant. Meanwhile, in the shadow, Spider-man advanced menacingly towards with something gripped tightly in his hand as he extended it towards them. I mean HE knew it was a marker but certain, ah, more sinister conclusions could easily be drawn. His conclusion being he was positively stuffed.

"If you can just stay home while the story is still hot, hold off on patrols till this cools down-"

Peter straightened and lifted his head, shaking off all the fear the had briefly consumed him.

"I can't just hide when the world is against you. Sometimes you must simply hold firm and let the wind storm past. I'm not weak nor broken Jaffa. I will not hide" Peter held his head up high and packed his books back in his bag before shrugging the strap onto his shoulder.

"I worry."

"I know Jaf." Peter then smirked and turned to give a camera a wink, "Besides It's the Bugle. There isn't a New Yorker out there who don't know their news is rubbish, no matter how convincing some dumb picture may be."

Jaffa gave a soft laugh giving in, though perhaps not agreeing. "Well if you are so determined to do your History exam I won't stop you. Though perhaps you should get a move on. School starts in 10 minutes." Peter's face drained of colour as horror filled his face. He scrambled to open the door before slamming it behind him and leaping down the stair on two bounds startling the life out of his Aunt where she stood making brownies for the latest charity bake sale at the hospital.

"Peter! What are you-"

"Can't talk Aunt May. Running late!" Peter skidded around the corner in front of the bench grabbing a bagel as he slid past. Shoving it in his mouth he began hopping frantically to the door as he attempted to put on his shoes and crashing into several walls. He eventually made it the door and yanked it open and yelled out a warbled goodbye around the bagel still in his mouth.

"WAIT! PETER YOU NEED TO SEE THIS-" Jaffa's frantic cries were left behind though as he ran out the door in a flurry of superhuman movement. In his rush, he missed an announcement of an interview with the Avengers that was playing on the TV. As well as the pen sitting innocently on top of it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

"The sun rose this morning to a new day, a new era. In the light of her rays a glorious man was formed with a great, yet heavy burden on his shoulders. Not just a hero. A SUPERhero, and an incredibly handsome one at that. A man so filled with purpose his sheer hero-ness left even red-headed ninja woman swooning-

-Shit! Natasha what was that for! I know lots of red-headed ninja's. OW DAMMIT! That hurt you know!-

Ok. His hero-ness left woman of EVERY hair colour who worked normal jobs like training seals, swooning and falling over themselves-

-OW! Will you stop hitting me woman I'm giving a dramatic monologue and you're breaking the vibe here.-

FINE! His hero-ness left PEOPLE, both MAN and women, who have lots of hair colours cause I love rainbows yay, and work boring jobs that have nothing to do being ninjas, because woman empowerment....?

-HOLY CR- okay now you're just doing it for the fun of it. Ow Stop THAT

OKAY. With each step the super hot superhero took, light and goodness travelled in his wake chasing away the shadows that dared to cross his path. For he had been brought down to the mortals for a reason. A new shadow had dared to leave the confines of the night and step into the hero's realm of the sun. A shadow far darker and more sinister than normal, not a villain, a super-villain. It was at this new dawn that the extremely intelligent, attractive, benevolent, some even say omniscient, hero rose to turn the full glare of his wrath against the puny shadow in what was sure to be a swift but none the less glorious battle!"

A tired and grumpy voice interrupted,

"A battle in which he then promptly got his shiny ass handed to him in. Guess his 'righteous light' got re-bounded off his huge ass forehead blinding himself instead."

"Fuck you too Barton." Tony groaned as he turned away from where he had been staring dramatically out a window into the sunrise, instead of facing where the rest of the team was gathered on the few couches outside the elevator leading downstairs to Shield's conference room. Clint lay sprawled on his back on the top of the couch where Natasha sat throwing grapes in the air for him to catch above.

"Do you even know how early it is?" Clint grumbled around the mouthful of grapes "Why do conferences always have to be so damn early."

"They want it recorded now so it'll be aired during the prime breakfast news slot. Give the city a day to gossip and create anger towards Spider-man, so by the repeat that will no doubt be playing tonight, you'll have to the whole city in agreement."

"Classic technique, used it myself a few times." Tony piped in

"...Yeah but Cap promised to cook bacon this morning. Where is my bacon?" Barton whispered mournfully as he stared in betrayal towards where Steve stood leaning against a wall with a raised brow.

At the mention of bacon, Thor leapt up with enough force that Mjölnir was sent flying, narrowly avoiding crashing into Natasha's head. She snarled and diverted the path of the grapes she had been throwing so that it splattered against the side of Thor's head. It only went downhill from there.

When Coulson entered to inform them that the press was ready, he very nearly walked back out again. The couch had been flipped over to cover where Bruce was crouching, who seemed to me muttering the script of Beauty and the Beast under his breath. Natasha leapt between hiding spots pelleting an endless supply of grapes towards Thor, who was deflecting with a whole coffee table he had picked up to use as a shield. Tony had somehow managed to turn the water sentient and attach a pair of claws beneath, allowing it to gallop around the room as Tony sat cross-legged on top urging 'Bucephalus' to splash water on Steve. Steve himself had somehow lost his shirt and a sock, (the shoe however still remained on his foot) and was chasing Tony around the room and seemed to be loudly proclaiming that it must have been stolen by the Hogwarts since the Vulcans needed the clothes of mortals to find Nemo and that Tony had to help him find him to reclaim it since he was so knowledgeable on the subject.

Clint was spinning slowly as he dangled from a sluggishly moving ceiling fan yelling, "THE FLOOR IS LAVA GODDAMIT! LAVAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA."

"I had to leave for 10 minutes. 10. Minutes." Coulson muttered blankly before sighing.

"Clint, get down from there, Natasha and Thor, put the furniture down and stop playing with food I thought you were adults, Tony, stop turning everything into a minion and return Steve's clothes, Steve, stop listening to Tony's 'history lessons' and Bruce... just keep doing whatever you're doing."

The Avengers all guiltily shuffle to do as he says trying to make the room look like it hadn't just been ripped apart by a tornado. Coulson massaged his temples and muttered under his breath and took a slow sip of his coffee. Clint instantly was at his side grabbing greedily at the cup, only to have it plucked out if Coulson's hands by Tony first.

"Ah ah ah. Not for you Birdy. A man has to have his third-morning coffee before talking to the hungry sharks." He smiled at Coulson and pulled a collection of cards from his pocket.

"A perfect speech as requested. I'm so glad SHIELD has finally accepted that they employ dreadful speechwriters. Like amazingly bad. To the point where I'm pretty sure its Hydra sabotaging you." Tony squatted Clint away where he continued to hover and attempt to steal Tony's, or well Coulson's technical, coffee. When he managed to brush a finger against it Tony snatched it away and hissed at him sending Clint scrambling away terrified to Nat.

"Nat! He hissed at me!" he whispered in horror.

Tony simply took an obvious slurp of the stolen coffee before turning back to Coulson.

"Don't know why you insisted I wrote it down. I would improvise the whole thing and it still would be better than the drivel you lot come up with."

"Steve's reading," Coulson stated matter of fact as he plucked the speech cards out of Tony's hand.

"I'm sorry what!" Tony snatched the cards back.

"You do realise who here literally grew up manipulating press conferences right? Leave me with a room of reporters and I can make them leave proclaiming that goats eat birds and that the world is flat because God accidentally drove his car over it."

"That is why we had you write the speech. Steve, however, is still reading it," Coulson smiled as he plucked the cards back and handed them to Steve.

"We need Captain America right now, not playboy extraordinaire Tony Stark. The Public will listen and trust what he says as gospel. People grew up listening to Captain America the fair and just hero."

"Fair and just my ass, they haven't seen him play Mario Kart," Tony grumbled but reluctantly consented.

On his way past Clint found himself sniffing the air before whipping his head around are zeroing on a plump middle-aged man in a fedora on the end of one of the middle rows, a bacon breakfast sandwich halfway to his mouth. Clint strode casually forward and in one seamless movement stole the sandwich just before the man took a bite, instead placing it in his own. For a few seconds, the man could only look in shock to where he hands still sat clamped mid-air, yet by the time he looked up the procession of Avengers had already moved past; and his breakfast along with it.

Steve was nervous as he walked up to the podium despite the fearless gaze and confident walk. The Avengers though could see the slightly curled hand at his side and the invisible shield held within it. So, they stood behind him as a united front, Thor and Natasha at his shoulder, Tony leaning casually against a pillar, Clint standing steely-eyed and protective at his back munching aggressively on a sandwich and Bruce, Bruce stood at the very back on the stage with an uneasy and disturbed look about him

"Thank you all for coming this morning. As many of you are aware we are here to discuss the rumours that the Avengers have uncovered a cunning villain currently based in New York. We are here to confirm that they are correct."

There was a roar from the reporters as they jumped up and began firing questions.

"Why has the public not been informed before-!"

"-do you have to say about the-"

"-vgers plan to defeat this villain."

"Mr. Stark is it true you ate lobster last Saturday!"

"ENOUGH!" Thor roared slamming his fist on the lectern and successfully stunning the reporters and earning a thankful smile from Steve.

"I ask that your questions remain until the end. The villain has been confirmed to be masquerading under the name of Spider-man-"

There was an uproar of noise and shock until a stern look quieted them.

"We have video proof of Spider-man acting as enforcement between rival gangs, drug cartels and robbers. We believe he has ties to powerful secret organisations that aim to create powerful super-villain weapons. From what we can tell Spider-man has been acting on their behalf and has most likely committed horrific crimes, no doubt conducting many of the crimes he 'stopped'. We are urging all civilians to flee as soon as Spider-man is seen and not contact the number that will be displayed on this recording immediately. He must not be approached. The Avengers promise that we will not let this villain or the organisation he works for unpunished. We will fight, as a team, to bring him down.

Do not doubt that Spider-man is a threat. Though the Avenger pledge to give our best resources to bringing down this villain we cannot do this alone! A battle doesn't make a war and New York proves to be our powerful army. We are urging everyone with any connection to Spider-man, who may have interacted with him in the past, has learnt information from him, may know anything about the people he works for to come forward. We want to know everything, every secret, and New York can find them for us. Show these villains they cannot break New York, that we are strong, and we are united against our foes. We are better off without Spider-man and together we can show him just that.

Any Questions?"

Silence. They were stunned, though their eyes gleamed in patriotism and their chests puffed with pride. None moved until one voice piqued up in anger.

"Yeah, I have one." A man leapt up furious, causing the reporters the lean away from him. He tilted his head up and steeled his eyes, as one hand fixed the fedora on his head.

"New York stands with you but... can I have my sandwich back?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *So... how was it? The Avengers have officially changed the game, haven't they? What is your guess to where the story might be headed? I would be interested to hear! As always comments, suggestions and all the like are appreciated.*}


	8. Destiny Manifest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter should definitely have read the news, everyone in New York is slightly nuts but its cool Jaffa comes to the rescue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> {*Author Note: Alright things are gonna look crazy this chapter, but just remember this is from Peters perspective and he has no idea what going on (the bloody unreliable narrator he is). It is intentially very chaotic to reflect how Peter is feeling this chapter. I've written it so as a reader you should (hopefully) be feeling slightly confused and unsettled like Peter is. Though you guys should pick up whats happening if you read the last chapter. This one is real angsty though so it comes with a warning.
> 
> WARNING: Bullying, Panic attacks, nothing as bad as the earlier chapters but I don't want anyone reading something that they are not comfortable with.
> 
> Good luck and see you on the flipside!*}

Name: Peter Parker

Extended Response (15 marks)

Name a key figure during of the 100-year war describing their rise to influence and/or fall from grace.

Joan of Arc came from nothing.

She began life as a poor peasant girl. Born in a country where hardship was all she had known, all she would ever know. Yet she had a gift, a vision from God they say, schizophrenic said others. Either way, it was a power that destined her to a far greater future than her birth had dictated. Deny it as she may try, she couldn't simply let it her powers of the future simply turn to forgotten dust, she had a duty to herself, to her country. Though she was young, she knew it was her responsibility to battle for her home, even if so many said she couldn't. Even if deep down she knew if she followed this path she would die still a child.

So, she came up with a disguise. She disguised herself as a man. The city's great ruler and his people were distrusting at first, unbelieving and scornful, she was not deterred. She fought for her country and she brought in results, the most famous of which gained her the name Maid of Orleans. The enemy was beaten back, but it came at a great price. She was gravely injured and forced to leave the battle. She would return though, as wounded as she, to lead the frontal assault. Perhaps she charged forward that day expecting a noble death. She would be wrong, because she came out of that battle with her heart still pumping adrenaline and an urge for action through her blood. She had won.

From there it would appear she was accepted, by both the King of the City and his people, and her name was proclaimed in every household. Her enemies would curse her supposed powers and blame them for their defeats. She was a legend. She had pledged herself to her cause, to freeing her home by helping the King. Her fight did not end once she freed Orléans. She would campaign and liberate the towns of France, her home, from the hands of her enemy. So, when that when the King walked the same path she had on his way to be crowned, he would be able to walk in peace knowing that her blood was split in battle so that his did not have to. She would stand proudly at his side, ever the loved protector.

She did not rest though, for the enemy was not yet gone, her mission not yet complete. She was needed. Yet somewhere along the way she had lost the support of the King, the support of her home along with it. They turned their backs to her and without the support, she had no power. She may have won the battle, but battle doesn't make the war.

She had lost her powerful army. But when she heard that her enemies had laid to siege a town in her country, she rushed, even without support, to its aid. She came knowing she wouldn't win, but knowing she had a duty to try anyway. She tried a hit-and-run approach with the very few loyal people she had left at her side. It looked like it would work. But the enemy was far stronger, far more powerful and one day she hit, but she failed to run. The few people still loyal were not able to be contained by the walls and managed to flee, but she was captured. Her enemies lauded her capture to the world, claiming her to be a King's ransom, interrogating and torturing her for information.

She was loyal to her home though, to the people she worked so hard to keep safe, so she did not give them what they wanted. They ripped off her disguise and laughed when they saw the woman underneath. To hold such a mask was a crime though, as according to her enemies it went against the natural order of things. They demanded to know where she had gained the mythical powers they had blamed their bad luck on, and when she did not answer they cried witchcraft. They claimed she was ransom but four months past and the King had not moved off the throne she had built for him. He asked for no ransom, no prisoner exchange, not even a letter demanding her release. He didn't even try.

A year after her capture and with no word from her home King, her enemies would release her, on the agreement that she renounce her sacred mission. She would deny those orders, when only a few days later she would once again don her disguise, her man's clothes, for she could not truly abandon her responsibility, the powers she had been given.For that, she would burn at the stake. Crimes that were not here own inscribed for all to see on a paper above her head.

She was a hero.

She was 19. A child to most.

Yet she died unloved and unwanted.

Killed, not by her enemies (though they did strike the final blow) but by the people she had so frequently risked her life for. 

 

 

"Whelp. Failed that test!" Peter proclaimed merrily to the bustling hallway as he exited the classroom. Joan of Arc what was he thinking... 

As he shuffled down the hallway, skilfully avoiding passionate couples, flying footballs and gangly limbs he noticed an uneasy hum at the back of his head. He had been feeling slightly uneasy since he first left the house but had chalked it up to nerves for the test. Yet here they remained even after it was done.

Perhaps it wasn't him though. There was a certain sinister feel to the halls today. The shoves a little harder, the arguments harsher, fights happening faster and more often. Something had changed in the halls, and though his spider-sense knew it, though the students and even the walls themselves seem to know it, Peter himself did not.

A sharp buzz against his back caused Peter to stretch an arm awkwardly behind him to fish around his backpack for his phone. He eventually grabbed it, glancing down to see it was a call from Jaffa.

'Well, who else would it be I suppose' he thought, 'Aunt May would be in the middle of her shift at his time and... well, that was about the number of people he knew... so Jaffa it was!'

His phone had been going off constantly all day, but he may or may not have been avoiding answering. So, sue him. He still wasn't over those puns. With a sigh, he swiped across to answer, "Jaffa! What a surprise! I didn't realize you were trying to get a hold of me-" As he greeted Jaffa his gaze most, unfortunately, met that of Flash Thompson. Ah shit.

"Peter? Thank god! Are you ok? There's something you need to-" Flash began charging across the hall, shoving students in his way against the lockers as he went.

"Yeah hold that thought Jaff. I'm going to have to call you back."

As Flash advanced Peter couldn't help but notice that Flash looked a little worse for wear, and that's saying something considering what an ugly mug he had. He looked... lost. Shirt crumpled, a redness to his knuckles suggesting he had either punch a wall or Peter wasn't his only victim that day and eyes suspiciously bleary around the edges, like he had recently fought back tears. Well Peter couldn't blame him, if he had to wake up to that face every day he would start crying and punching walls too.

Or punching super powered idiots as today's case may be. Oh, wait. Peter did do that. God what did that say about his self-esteem.

Flash was now only a few steps away and showing no signs of slowing down. Or blinking. Really the stare was starting to freak him out. Was this a staring contest or something? Did he miss some 'begin a staring contest' social cue? Damn, he hated silent social cues he never gets them. Does he start staring now and just pretend he hadn't been blinking dumbly, or has he lost already and Flash is just rubbing it in for good measure.

He should ask Jaffa. She seems like the kind of person who would start random aggressive staring contests with people. Well, she would if she, you know, had eyes.

Peter finally stopped trying to push an exit route through the swarm of students and resigned to addressing Flash, "By the prickling of my thumbs, something wicked this way- ooft,"

The low hum of his spider-sense converting to a scream barely gave him enough warning before there was a punch thrown at his stomach, followed by a shove that sent him sprawling to the floor.

Peter coughed violently, still slightly surprised, before turning a dark, blank glare up to Flash.

"Flash-," Peter tried to say before a kick had him bracing and curling away. This wasn't good. Flash never was so open with his beatings, not in a crowded hallway between periods with teachers literally a couple meters and an open door away. Flash was never without a taunt to accompany his punches either. Flash was never without his dogs, friends, cheer squad, whatever they were. This wasn't good.

"I hope you realize Mr Brikk's classroom is like a metre away so let's try and keep the pain below a screaming level, capisce?" Peter coughed out. Not that Flash could do enough harm so cause him to scream but it's the thought that counts.

"Hope is pathetic and weak just like you. Only a slimy weakling like you would be so stupid as to place your loyalty with Sp... some person" Flash growled out.

Okay....?

"That had literally nothing to do with what I'm saying-"

Peter rolls back to avoiding a flying kick, nearly bowling over the legs of some bystanders who were watching with interest, "-I mean sure. That's totally what I meant. Do continue. Don't let the kid you are beating up stop your dramatic villain speech."

Maybe he should give some pointers to him. He had heard enough in his time to know a decent villain speech when he heard one. He could write a book! He could see it now 'Monologues, Moustaches and Mispronunciation: Spider-man's guide for the perfect villain speech!' Or maybe not. He could just imagine what the bugle would say and at that point he needed some good PR.

"Just.. Just shut up!" Flash stuttered before launching himself back at Peter. Right. Being beat up. Concentrate Parker.

Peter himself could barely hold himself from countering his attacks, the hum in his head had suddenly gotten worse, leaving him tense and anticipating danger. Well more danger than just Flash that is.

"Flash can you stop for a quick sec-"

"Why? Newsflash Peter. I'm no hero!" he snarled throwing a punch for good measure.

Peter pulled down his arms from where they had been curled around protecting his face, to give Flash an incredulous look.

"Yeah... Literally no one was questioning that." Flash didn't pay him any mind, however, quite content to continue ranting now that his silence had been broken. Yayyy. He loved being ranted at. Really, he did.

"You can look up to people all you like Peter, they can be everything to you, but they are just going to let you down."

Okay this just got weird. Being beat up? Sure. Philosophical self-crisis/pep talk? No thanks, he prefers his torture without the extra fries.

"What the hell is up with you? You are making even less sense than usual and as someone who has had to peer-mark your essay, trust me, that's saying something."

Flash was pacing back and forth now, deliberately kicking Peter's legs as he passed over them.

"No one in this stupid world is good anymore Peter. It's time you got that into your stupid head."

Peter sighed uncurling his arms from where they were protecting his face, so he could prop himself up and look Flash in the eye. Stupid hero complex, stupid morals, always endangering him.

"Are you..." he couldn't believe he was about to say this, "ok Flash?"

For a second Flash stopped, stared at him with that dark lost look in his eyes. That sinister feeling swirling inside them seemed to move in time with the hum in his head, with the creak in the walls. Then he lunged, roaring in anger so animalistic that in that split second, it was no longer Flash before him. It was a robber running down an alley, the Avengers chasing him down, a man on a watchtower all curled in that terrible, terrible darkness. He felt his muscles tense, aching to fight back, to show him just who he was threatening. With perhaps too much speed to be normal, Peter smoothly rolled over the uninjured (mostly) one of his legs and lunged...

Straight past Flash and through the small crowd that had been watching their interactions with delighted whispers. He didn't hurt innocents, no matter how much they hurt him.

He ran.

From the sinister darkness that had overtaken them all, ran from the hum in his head and... from having to explain to his English teacher next period why he had, yet again, failed to complete his homework. Who needed English anyway, he should just get Jaffa to teach him Russian. Actually, now that he thought about it, maybe that wasn't such a good idea considering he is, once again, skipping school (yeah he was soooo dead).

Even as Peter left the school grounds towards to the city streets of New York, the sinister air did not fade. If anything, it grew as he found his way into more and more crowded streets, with the low hum of his spider-sense leaving his tense and on edge. He ducked into an alley, sighing in relief as the thousands of eyed seemed to vanish from his shoulders. He pursued the selection of dumpsters making an assessment to which one would serve as the perfect spot to change into his Spider-man suit.

"Hmm excellent execution in term of olfactory (it smelled of Thai food mixed with week-old pizza) but unfortunately you lose some points for execution. The amount of overflow you have going on..." Peter tutted as he observed the leaning stack of pizza boxes and miscellaneous packages surrounding the bin, "I'm sorry but you are not going through to the next round."

Peter walked a little further down the alley scanning the area before halting to address a clean looking green dumpster with suspicious orange edges, "Marissa? I that you? I thought we discussed this previously. I tried to give you a go, but it just ended up with me being soaking wet and smelling like a mouldy dumpster all night. You can't just hide the puddles until I'm halfway through changing. It creates an unfair marking and causes the judge to slip."

He shook his head as he walked a little further down before he turned back around to sternly address the bin.

"Plus, I told you to get that mould checked out! Take it from someone who knows full well the dangers of radioactive substances, that ain't normal..." he trailed off as he noticed a disturbed face peering out of an open window above.

"I'm not crazy I swear! I'm just... on phone?" Peter trailed off into a question as he held his hand up to his ear in the shape of a phone. The lady simply slammed the window shut and tightly drew the curtains.

"Yeah fair enough," he mumbled, blushing slightly in embarrassment before choosing a dumpster at random to get changed behind (burgundy in colour and smelling strangely of a scent that was halfway between tropical punch and cat pee.)

The very instant he finished putting the suit on his Spidey sense suddenly started buzzing so furiously that it sent him leaping up to the wall above him, his hand out in front ready to attack whatever caused his sense to go haywire.

Spider-man looked around in confusion, seeing no immediate danger despite the screaming of his spider sense.

"Ok... am I malfunctioning? Definitely have a loose wire or a malware bug in me somewhere," he muttered to himself as he reached behind his back to grab his portable tool kit from his bag, only to stop in shock and mutter, "Peter. You're a human-spider child. You don't have wire and coding."

He felt kind of stupid now. He stared suspiciously to double check the window peeper from before hadn't reappeared to once again witness his embarrassing thought processes.

Seeing she wasn't there he tried to make his way towards to alley entrance despite how every sense seemed to be telling him 'NOT SAFE DANGER WARNING.' He managed to crawl a few agonising couple metres before giving up and swinging himself up to sit on the top of one of the buildings lining the alley.

What the hell is wrong today. First Flash having a weird identity crisis but now his spidey sense was deciding to join in on the 'screw with Peter's head' fun?

He didn't know what was going on. He didn't know what to do! He needed someone vaguely adult-ish to fix this with their miraculous adult-ish ways.

...Yup time to call Jaffa.

However no sooner had he pulled his phone out of his backpack did he hear a woman's scream coming from the neighbouring alley.

Seems like Jaffa and his issues would have to wait.

Peter threw his phone back into his backpack before vaulting over to the other side of the building to peer into the neighbouring alley. There was a young woman sobbing hysterically against the alley's wall surrounded by two guys in baggy hoodies and a woman with a truly impressive red Mohawk. They were whispering something in low threatening voices, getting more and more annoyed when the woman just seemed to sob and not give into whatever they were demanding. One of the guys seemed to get angry, pulling a gun from his pocket and waving it her face.

"Enter Spider-man from stage left, in pure epic suave style," Spider-man whispered in a dramatic announcer's voice as he flipped forward of the roof of the alley, catching the gun in one hand while his other stuck out behind him as he lands in his classic Spider-man crouch.

"Annnnd he sticks the landing!"

He can't help but smirk as he saw the terrified faces of the criminals as they scrambled back in surprise. Damn straight, he knew he looks awesome and hero-like... wait. Why are they now smiling? It's then that he noticed that he had forgotten to take his backpack off before leaping off the roof.

"Crime fighting in a backpack. Could I get dorkier." He grumbled under his breathe knowing full well his look had been entirely ruined. Ugh.

Male thug number 1 strolled forward with a creepily bright smile, "Spidey! Hey man nice to see you buddy. You wanna join in? We can give you a cut of the profit if you want."

Spider-man straightened up in unsure confusion. What was with the friendly greeting. They did realize he was a vigilante, right? This had to be some elaborate prank. A 'how weird can we make this day be to freak out Spider-man'. Honestly, someone better be telling him hw was pranked by the prank patrol soon or he's gonna flip. Cause he can do that. You know, cause he's Spider-man.

"Scotty that you? Where're your ninjas at?"

Thug 1 spoke again, "It's Damo actually. Maybe the big boss told you of me? Daniel Turnop? I helped with the robbery of the diamonds from Danford's Jewels?"

Spider-man just blinked dumbly despite knowing it was concealed by his mask. Seriously, what. The. Hell. Luckily red-haired Mohawk girl saved him from having to admit to being dumbstruck.

"Shut up Damo can you be more stupid? Actually, don't answer that. I know everyone is saying he is on our side now, but I know goody-two-shoe heroes and this guy reeks of it. All that angst and altruism leaves quite the smell," sneered Mohawk girl as she sniffed and wrinkled her nose in obvious disgust.

"I... you know what usually I have some witty comment to put here but I'm so fucking confused let's just skip straight to the end," Spider-man stumbled a little dumbly before he shot forward, taking the two thugs out and sticking them to the wall with his webs within a matter of seconds. The Mohawk girl scrambled for her gun, but he simply webbed her hand and threw her up with her buddies.

"What the hell buddy," The thug (Damo?) gasped sounding rather hurt, "I thought we had bonded!"

Spider-man quickly webbed their mouths shut, "Nope, nope and nope, not dealing with you."

He turned back to where the poor woman sat gasping with wide-eyed terror.

"It's ok Ma'am they-" Peter tried to reassure her as he slowly stepped forward before she let out a petrified scream.

"G...Get away from me!" she shouted scrambling for her discarded phone and fumbling to type some unknown number into it. Spider-man shuffled awkwardly on his feet in confusion, unsure of how to approach. When he saved people, they were usually a little more thankful and the villains a little less friendly. He could not wait for this day to be over.

"Woah Woah it's ok ma'me. I'm only here to help." He soothed as he waved his hands in front of him to show he was unarmed. Or something. Really anyone who knew the first thing about Spider-man knew he fought with web shooters (still on his wrists) and hand to hand combat. So he wasn't exactly sure what he was proving but it was the idea of being unharmed he was trying to covey.

Not that it seemed to be working judging by how laboured her terrified breathing was. Maybe she was having a flashback or something? A panic attack that was it! God, he wished he had read up on this, he couldn't imagine what the poor woman was going through or how to help her. Something about breathing he thinks?

"I'm right here. Your safe now. It's just me Spider-man. Can you breathe with me..." he murmured as soothingly as he could, as he placed a hand gently on her shoulder.

SCREAAAAAAMMMMMMMMM

Spider-man jumped back as if burned, "sorry sorry I really don't know how to..."

"GET YOUR FILTHY PAWS OFF HER!"

Spider-man whirled around to find a man in a business suit and truly horrific lavender tie standing threateningly at the entrance of the alley. A friend of the bad guys? Maybe, this was the boss man Damo mentioned? (he couldn't believe he was on a first name basis with a criminal) The man stood a few feet away, rage (and a small bit of fear) in his expression while behind Spider-man the woman let out a whimper. Comforting may not be his strong suit but protecting people. Fighting. Give him something to punch and he is good to go.

"See, I know you mean the whole filthy paw thing as a use of dehumanization to show a comparative status, but did you know that it was discovered that spiders actually do have paws? Well technically it's a tarsus, not a paw but it sure looks like one. It helps create the adhesion mechanism that allows spiders to climb surfaces. Which I can also do so... you aren't too far off," he rambled off before he can really stop himself (it's interesting okay) as he shifted his stance to shield the panicked woman from view.

Mr. 'I have no taste in ties' took a deep breath and, seeming to find courage, squared his shoulders. He held his briefcase up threateningly (seriously what was he going to do with that, kill him with tax files) and bellowed, "I said. Get AWAY FROM HER SPIDER-MAN!" his voice echoing so loudly he was pretty sure his English teacher heard it over top of her droning speech on conventions of the five-act structure. Vaguely Spider-man could hear responding shouts of shock from further up the alley on the main street, god he hoped that wasn't a robbery. Talk about Parker luck.

"I don't know why your buddies were after this woman but I'm not going to let you have.... her...." Peter trailed off with slight amazement as a dozen or so people ran in from the street, no doubt having heard the rather impressive shouts of the tie model gone crook. They marched in, strangers who had no connections, no reason to be there other than a desire to help. A tradie, a young teen in headphones holding a small poodle, a mother with her arms full of shopping, a bodybuilder with snaking tattoos and a muscle tee amongst the group of strangers. Yet they all marched in near sync, drawing strength from each other as they marched towards where the Suit boss man stood, pure anger in their expressions.

Peter was... stunned. It was amazing what humanity would do in the face of danger, how these strangers had heard a man's threatening cry yet came into the danger willingly. Perhaps Spider-man did not need their aid, but they came to help him, it was an alien feeling yet it felt... nice. In that second, Peter knew he had made the right choice those lonely nights ago. These were his people, his foolish, crazy but stupidly brave family. He could not be prouder to call New York his home. For as much as they needed him, he needed them far more.

Spider-man smirked at the lone standing criminal watching as the group marched only a few steps away from him, "Don't look now sir, but you're about to get..." What were they doing? The group had stopped walking, instead, they formed a line on either side of the purple tied felon, stretching from wall to wall in the alley block the exit. The anger in their expression was still there but... they were not looking at the man in their midst. They were looking at... him? Did they not get that he was trying to stop Mr Sicko Tie dude from kidnapping a woman?

"Game's up Spider-man"

"Get away from her, you piece of filth!"

"You betraying asshole!"

Spider-man flinched back in surprise. Him. They were here to get him. What... no, he didn't get it. They were good normal people, he was helping... no... what was going on...

"Villainous scum!"

"We heard what the Avengers said about you in their conference"

"You should never have messed with us freak!"

"I... please what... I'm trying to help..." Peter gasped out desperately, was there suddenly less air in here? He felt that familiar panic rising up inside him. That pain. That terrible crawling pain that dug claws in his heart and messed with his mind... Gwen... no.... NO SNAP OUT OF IT PARKER. Now was not the time.

It had to be a dream. Like that time with Death. That wasn't real either.

Despite the reassurances, he couldn't help but scramble back as the crowd marched closer and shouted jeers and abuse he knew only to be locked in those dark corners of his mind. It's not real it's not real...

"Well it sure feels real doesn't it..." a voice whispered. No. New York wouldn't do this it needed him, people loved him. He was fairly sure they sold t-shirts with his face on it now! Actually, he was very sure as he unashamedly wore one to bed each night.

"Look, guys, I'm sure this is just some big misunderstanding, why don't-" Spider-man barely had any warning before his already buzzing spider-sense let out a god almighty scream. He reacted on pure instinct, ducking just in time to miss the broken bottle hitting the back off his head, his reflexes at the same time sent the threat away with a careful kick.

She let out a pained scream as she hit the wall. For a split second, it seemed the alley froze, it was silent. She. The woman he was protecting. She had attacked him and he... what had he done.

"No no no oh my god I am so sorry, I'm so sorry are you okay..." Peter babbled as he scampered over to her, barely keeping balanced as he slipped on some unnamed gunk in his panic to get over.

"GRAHHH STAY AWAY," someone shouted before a chorus of angry shouts greeted him from the crowd who pelted towards him. Spider-man desperately tried to reach the woman, to make sure she was okay, oh god no no what had he done, but there were arms everywhere and something was punching him and his head was screaming. In a desperate attempt at freedom, he grabbed the shoulders of one of the men and back flipped straight over the crowd. Spider-man caught, briefly, the upside down sight of the woman staggering unsteadily to her feet before he landed on the ground. He... he couldn't stay. His sense of enemy and innocent was being skewered and he couldn't risk being around the angry mob. Not after he had already hurt one innocent today.

Sprinting with inhuman speed Spider-man burst out of the alley, blinking at the sudden influx of light and noise. Leaving an alley was like passing through a portal to a whole new world. He rarely came on the main streets during the day, much rather sticking to back streets and alleys. He remembered why, as he shook himself dazedly giving one last desperate glare at the mob in the alley running after him before leaping into the crowds of people, he just had to get to the next building, it was tall enough for him to climb and freely use his web-shooters.

Then came the petrified scream as the woman next to him realized just who's costume he was wearing. No, not again.

"SPIDER-MANNNNN!!!!!" Instantly there was an influx of screams and people running in terror, cars honked and slammed on breaks as people sprinted out onto roads in desperation. To get away from him. God, did he really smell that bad? Yeah, bad joke. 

 

What was going on? Spider-man tried desperately to pick up the few people around him who were at risk of people trampled after falling.

"Guys hey calm down, it's just me..." He yelled desperately, but his pleas were lost to the chaos.

The buzz of his spider-sense trailed off, almost melancholy in nature. 'I tried to warn you. Now you understand.' It seemed to say. Only Peter didn't understand what was going on and he would really like someone to explain it to him.

He spun frantically but everywhere he looked, on every news screen and billboard there it was.

That stupid, stupid picture. The one of him with the marker (he knew that was going to come back and bite him in the ass) was plastered on every news screen he could see.

"Spider-man now Public enemy"

"From hero to villain: the re-visited history of Spider-man"

"Avengers declare war on Spider-man"

"Civilians asked to assist in the capture of Spider-man"

Peter remember once watching Inception with his Aunt on a Friday movie night. Back... back when he didn't have powers and they use to do things like that. Before his life was so twisted and he was innocently happy. Though he supposed it was also back when Jaffa wasn't there, so they had to manually change the volume.

In the movie, there's a scene where the main character Cobb takes the architect Ariadne into his dream. As they walk through the city in his mind, she begins to change things, so he warns her of the projections in his subconscious. Also known as the people they passed in the city. 'The quicker you change things the quicker they converge on you like white blood cells attacking a disease'. Yet she doesn't listen to his warnings and flipped the entire city upside down. Literally. It's an awesome scene. But the people's eyes start to follow her as she walks by, slowly getting more aggressive until she makes a mistake. She builds a bridge. A bridge with very real memories attached to it. So, the subconscious attacks. The thousands of people all attacking at once and she's powerless to stop them. Powerless to stop as they drag her before the leader of the subconscious who stabs her right through the heart.

Suddenly Peter felt he was in that scene. Before his eyes something seemed to change within the fleeing people, perhaps it was because the crowd chasing him finally bursting out of the alley, perhaps it was the Captain America's voice from a replay of the interview telling them to "show these villains they cannot break New York, that we are strong, and we are united against our foes," or perhaps their subconscious found that something wasn't right.

Whatever it was, when some unknown face yelled, "Grab Spider-man! Get him!" those thousands of eyes looked towards him. Their screams turned to angry shouts. Those people in the city stopped running away, they started running towards him.

But this wasn't a dream, was it. If they caught him, if they brought him to be stabbed by their leader, he wouldn't wake up.

So, Spider-man ran.

He pushed past arms that scrambled for purchase, unable to get them off long enough to shoot a web without hurting the people they belonged to. He let out a choked sob. why why Why Why WHY WHYYYY. Overhead the faint sound of a helicopter caused him to look up.

Spider-man watched, helpless, as the screens around him changed to all show the live breaking news. He saw himself running, obviously panicked, down the crowded streets. He was pushing off arms and launching overhead when he could. He... he couldn't breathe.... Why couldn't he BREATHE. He tripped, sending him crashing down onto the unforgiving pavement, the people pulling on his arms tumbling down with him. Spider-man was instantly overwhelmed.

He tried to fight but they kept pulling him under and he couldn't breathe! Down down down. The world seemed hazy and his mind was in shambles and there were hands, hands, hands and he couldn't breathe, the mask was suffocating and he... he... he thinks he's drowning. But that is definitely concrete, not water, that he's thrashing his head against and that is blood, not icy water, that drips warms down his body.

He is suddenly struck by the thought that if he doesn't move soon, he might die here.

"Isn't this what you wanted Peter Parker... Just let it happen... you can see Gwen again... see your uncle... your mother and father... It's what New York wants..." a voice hissed in his head.

Yes. He did, didn't he? He felt himself give in to the peace to voice offered. Suddenly he couldn't feel the hands anymore, he simply drifted.

"That's right Peter" the voice hissed, "Just let the waves drag you down, stop fighting it, stop trying to keep your head above water."

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING," shouted a voice that sounded suspiciously like Jaffa.

"I am NOT letting you leave me again. Not after... If you don't get up right this second, I will go FULL SKYNET in order to rescue you! Don't think I won't do it!" a rather tin-y voice screamed.

The arms surrounding him let go is if burned and Peter was sent crashing back to reality. Huh, that actually was Jaffa. Not just his freaky subconscious. How in the hell...

"Don't think. RUN." Jaffa screamed from what sounded like his backpack. Right. Still had that. Spider-man scrambled to his feet, taking the opportunity offered by the people scrambling away from a sudden bodiless voice. Thanks for that Jaffa. He didn't have long before they got over their initial panic. Spider-man leapt to the wall of the nearest building, scrambling up the sides until he was able to shoot a web high enough to launch himself onto the roof.

"Peter" Jaffa's muffled voice sounded from his backpack, "There's a news helicopter live streaming you still. You need to get rid of it."

Shit. Right. He leapt from roof to roof trying desperately to escape the sounds of helicopter blades above him and the sound of screams below. Everywhere he went, no matter how high he climbed, the damn thing saw him and followed. Wait. There was one place it couldn't go.

Shooting a web to one of the taller buildings Spider-man swung himself around heading back to the main streets until he finally saw what he needed. There. The opening to a subway line. Letting the web go he shot himself towards the stairs, barely managing to land on the railing. He flung his arms wildly as he tried to keep balance as he slid down the bannister, people throwing themselves against the wall in panic as they saw him pass.

Spider-man burst underground startling the people waiting there, just in time to see a train close its door and start to set off. Letting out a sigh, he sprinted towards the slowly setting off train. He really could not believe he was going to do this.

Taking a deep breath he shot a web onto the roof of the train, pulling himself on and lying flat just as it began to pick up speed. This was going to be fun.

He managed to hold on (barely) till the next stop where he flipped upside down and stuck to the roof of the tunnel crawling as quick as he could along. If he was a smart journalist who just saw him disappear into a subway station the logical thing would be to wait for him at the next stop. Lucky he wasn't getting off at the main entrance then huh? It took him a good 5 to 10 minutes of crawling and desperately hanging onto pipes when trains went by before he found what he was looking for.

There, the emergency exit.

Spider-man leapt down onto the tracks and pulled the door open and scrambled up the stairs letting the alarm blare uselessly behind him. He found himself appearing on a semi-busy street shocking the passers-by at his sudden appearance.

"It's Spider-man!" a surprised businessman yelled, looking in between his phone and where he stood. No shit Sherlock thanks for that.

Spider-man quickly scrambled into the nearest alley and launched himself up the walls until he made it to the roof. He leapt over the buildings until found a spot he could hide. He ended up huddled next to the air con in the corner of a crumbling iron balcony. Spider-man could feel him breathing grow harsh as his enhanced hearing picked up the surprised and angry shouts of a mob who seemed determined to hunt him down. His body felt sore and bruised with an aching in his ribs he knew was going to KILL when the adrenaline wore off. As long as he stayed still and hidden he would be able to...

"whaAAAAHH" came a surprised scream. Snapping his head to the side he saw the surprised face of a middle-aged woman in the building opposite. Right. Windows. Why does this always happen to him? Bloody Parker Luck...

The woman looked at critically at him. He knew he looked like a mess with trembling arms, scratched and bloodstained costume and gasping, panicked breathing as he curled up on himself. Her gaze softened for a moment until the good old Captain America starting speaking from the television in her apartment. "We have video proof of Spider-man acting as enforcement between rival gangs, drug cartels and robbers..."

Her eyes hardened and she opened her window in order to shout out him, "People believed in you Spider-man, you were our hero. New York doesn't take your lying and betrayal lightly," she hissed before cupping her hands to her mouth, "SPIDER-MAN!!! HE'S UP HERE!"

If this feeling was what betrayal felt like, then Peter was beginning to understand everyone's anger. He didn't stick around to let them catch him.

Spider-man flung out a web and ran without direction. His mind was eerily quiet now. Just a dull ache and an urge to run, to climb higher, to escape. As he flung himself up to higher and higher buildings, he could hear to roar of the city slowly grow quieter the more distance he put between them. Yet he couldn't bring himself to look back down to check.

Eventually, he ran out of taller buildings to shoot webs at, obviously reaching the tallest skyscraper in.... in wherever he had ended up. Spider-man climbed up its glassy sides until he reached the flat roof of its top. Hobbling the last bit of distance, he scrambled towards the centre of the roof, collapsing against the hum of the giant air ventilation units trying to absorb its warmth.

It was a warm day, he knew that logically, but he couldn't seem to stop shivering and he felt so cold. His head felt light-headed and there was fuzzy blackness to the edge of his vision he knew couldn't be good. Was he swimming again? He felt damp and clammy all over and the world felt too disjointed.

"...eter? Peter? Are you..." Jaffa's voice seemed like it was trying to wade through the waves again. Why was there water... The Avengers... his mind screamed as the poor woman was flung against the wall. Or was it Gwen he had flung? He couldn't... breathe. Why was the air up here so thin? Surely, he hadn't gone that high. He thinks he might throw up.

Peter scrambled to pull the mask off his face, throwing it to side as he leans over to gag.

"...ETER! I'm right here..." Jaffa's screamed, seeming so far away.

"Jaffa? You? Where..." he gasped desperately flinging his head from side to side. Where, where, he couldn't breathe. Jaffa. Jaffa could help. Find Jaffa. He ripped open his bag with inhuman strength, sending papers fluttering away in the wind as he desperately grasped his phone.

"Shhh. It's okay Peter, I'm right here," Jaffa's voice soothed from the voice's speaker. It wasn't helping that dark blackness was closing in, cutting off his airways and he was all alone...

"Jaffa I need you... I... I... They hate me, I'm not needed." Peter gasped desperately at the phone, small spider web cracks appearing on the screen. He had to find Jaffa.

"No, they don't hate you Peter! It's the Avengers, they are twisting people's minds," she hurried out before he interrupted,

"No no NO YOU'RE WRONG! Did you see them Jaffa! I... I can't breathe... where are you?"

"I'm right here! I'm not going anywhere. Just breathe okay... in... out..." she sounded panicked. No, no, Peter was meant to protect her, he was meant to protect them all. No make them panicked. His vision was fuzzy, there was a ringing in his ears, god was he going to pass out?

"I can't see... where?" Peter tried to say but the words were so difficult to say without air.

"I am here! In the phone! Please, Peter... just breathe it's okay..." Jaffa sounded frantic.

"I can't see you... wait the holoball!" she gasped.

Holoball? What... oh, he remembered now... he had been working on it as a mini-project to gain extra credit and make up for all the assessment he had missed. Such an odd thing to think about when there were waves, panic, he needed air.

"Peter. I know you are panicking and its hard to concentrate but I need to you focus on me okay?" Jaffa said calmly. Peter nodded before realizing she couldn't see him and gasped out what he hoped was an agreement. Jaffa. Jaffa knew how to help him breathe.

"Okay reach into the bottom of your bag... there you go... grab the holoball"

Peter fumbled and managed to bring out a tangle of wire, microchips, sensors and scraps of old tech that could pass as a ball if one squinted. There was even a pair of old watch hands still ticking on its surface.

"I want you to grab the connective wire you stole from an old charger, you're okay just breathe with me, now connect it with your phone's charging port. The one in your hand"

He could do this, something to keep his mind off the panic. Peter picked up a seemingly random wire and managed to connect stick it in with shaking hands, his mind working on autopilot. Was there an earthquake shaking everything or was that just him? No? Just him then.

"Breath, in and out, it's just you and me. I need you to spark the sensory wires, the ones you were going to connect to a TV power port. Nearly there, Peter just hang on a little longer," Jaffa shot out, jittery even over the phone speaker.

Even with Peter's panicked scattered thoughts, he managed to remember and find the wires Jaffa was talking about. He even vaguely understood what she was doing as he sparked them together, twisting them with the power battery shoved in a tangled mess. There were a couple sparks and all over its lights began to glow. Peter couldn't help but smile slightly, he had never tested it before he couldn't believe it actually works... the lights shut down with a spluttered whine.

"God... can't even get my stupid tech to work..." Peter gasped out with a self-deprecating laugh.

"No no, it just didn't work this time... try again it has to work," Jaffa jittered out as Peter pressed the wires together, producing only a small spark.

"No no no... WORK!" Jaffa snarled out and to his amazement it actually did. The lights all flickered on, screens ran numbers over and one by one, small projector started sending streams of purple light out above the ball. They all joined together to create to a flickering image. Jaffa. She looked like a ball of circling violet energy, lines of code creating rings and wispy sparks like the debris of some long-destroyed planet. {*A.N.: Think of the orange ball Jarvis looked when he's destroyed by Ultron.*}

"Jaffa? Is, is that you?" Peter mumbled staring on in disbelief. The purple ball pulsed in what he could only describe as agreement.

"It's really me. I'm going to need you to breathe, okay Peter?" her voice whispered from the phone's speaker, where it sat connected to the holoball.

"Yeah... yeah okay"

"In..." the ball seemed to expand as she said it and Peter breathed to match it.

"Out..." the purple light condensed in.

"In..."

"Out..."

Eventually, Peter could feel the panicked edges of his mind fade as his awareness started to return to reality and the shaking slowly died down.

"Thanks, Jaffa you, you really saved me out there. I... what happened to me?" he mumbled with slight embarrassment.

"A panic attack I believe, maybe a bit of shock. Today's events got too overwhelming and your mind, well it just didn't know how to handle it." She soothed in her familiar Russian voice as the hologram seemed to swirl in a calm and reassuring manner.

"So now you've taken over my phone huh?" he stated trying to diverge the conversation. He had had quite enough feelings for today thank you very much.

Jaffa obviously caught on as she let out an offended sniff, "Well I wouldn't have had to if someone actually answered their phone for once. Don't think I didn't notice you weren't in school either mister."

Peter let out a weak laugh, "How'd you get into my phone anyway?"

There was a slight pause as the hologram seemed to twist guilty before Jaffa mumbled, "...I may have hacked Apple's main servers."

"You..." Peter laughed hysterically. He knew he should be mad, probably would be mad come tomorrow, but after such confusing and emotionally draining events, finding out that you invented an AI who in turn decided to hack apple in order to yell at you (and maybe save your life. Again) Well it was the last straw at the end of a rather trying day. Peter laughed and laughed until tears streamed ran down his face and his laughs sounded suspiciously like sobs. After a few minutes of hysterical crying (it was from laughter okay!) Peter let out a tired sigh and winced as he adjusted his bruised body.

"You are injured Peter... you need medical attention," Jaffa said softly once he seemed to calm down.

"Yeah, that not going to happen. Though I guess we better get home, May will start wondering where I am," he grumbled as he stood shakily to his feet. Peter picked up his mask where he had discarded it a few metres away, tracing the blood-stained patterns on it with trembling fingertips. Pulling it over his head he looked up to make his way to the edge of the building, only to scramble back with some unexplained fear once he caught sight of the city below.

"Actually," Jaffa spoke up suddenly, "Do you mind if we stay here a while longer. I am quite enjoying this hologram form. If I try hard enough I can almost feel the wind. It's just like you said it would be. Freeing. Like a thousand of lines of code rushing past and but not seeing a single line. I want to catch it, to keep it close to me, but I can't control the wind, can I? I must simply watch as it flies past."

Peter gave a small, thankful smile beneath his mask, "Ok. I don't mind staying if you want to Jaffa."

He could almost see a smile in the violet codes of the hologram. "I'll tell Aunt May not to worry."

So, they sat. They waited.

Over time Peter ever so slowly crept closer to the building's edge, closer to the city below, until he sat cross-legged peering down at the people below. A ball of tangled wire clasped in a bone white grip. Above it, the purple hologram shimmed as Jaffa continued to comment on whatever confusing human idea she had heard of today. It fluttered around uncertainly like it wanted to jolt out of her control, as static and unrefined as it was. Flickering in and out like an uncertain breeze. But she was there and as unstable as the tech may have been, it was beautiful and complex. Emotions always are.

For not even with the manpower and genius of Stark industries, not with the magic and time of a thousand infinities could it be re-created. Because for only a second, in the harsh blood red hues of the sun setting over an even harsher city, one could have sworn they saw the image of a woman in a shawl made of swirling purple code, her gaze staring loving down at the child curled under her protective shadow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> {*Author Note: Poor Peter... I'm very interested to see what you all thought of the whole Joan of arc section, lets just say I put it there for a reason. 
> 
> If anyone is confused still, feel free to ask me and I'll be happy to answer any questions anyone has.
> 
> As always please comment! They are honestly my favourite thing. Also, any questions anyone has, feel free to ask and I'll try and get back to you or DM me if you are desperate to know!*}


	9. Chapter 9: K is for Kitchens, Knave and Potassium

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wanna hear a joke?  
> Peter once tried to apply for America’s worst cook but instead got arrested for planning an assassination attempt on the judges. 
> 
> I lied. That wasn’t a joke, but Peter is cooking, so please, just take this chapter summary’s advice and run for your own safety. 
> 
> Oh yeah, and everyone should start listening to Bruce and not Tony why isn’t this an established thing yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally a fun scene I wrote but never really intended to publish, buuuuut I decided to adapt and share it with you all so I hope you enjoy it. Its probably not as polished as I would have liked and... its kinda weird but let me have this chapter for Peter to be happy and safe with Jaffa (though obviously not safe from his own idiotic self. *sigh* ). After the pain of last chapter (and next chapter I'M SORRY OKAY) I felt like we all needed this.
> 
> If anyone has any burning questions just @ me or something and I'll probably reply. Anyway, have fun!

"...and that's how you calculate your monthly income and tax deductions when you remove superannuation if you theoretically and I quote 'die alone and jobless so there's no need for that retirement money stuff'," Aunt May finished with a thankful sigh, slamming the financial textbook in front of her so hard that it sent the small mound of working out paper flurrying of the kitchen table and onto the floor. Peter jolted upwards from where he had been leaning heavily on his hand half asleep.

May shot him a suspicious and slightly worried look as she began picking up the sheets that had tumbled to the floor.

"Now do you feel like telling me why you insisted I spend three hours explaining financials that I know who have no interest in or comprehending? How about you... go outside and run around or play skateboard like you always do. Do those hobbies that always has you out of the house."

"No! I... WANT to learn about all the money, taxidermy, depression, and other adulting terms... stuff. Aioli payments just get me going ya know!! Now tell me about how to file for a... home-fliers loan! Yeah! That's a thing right?" Peter blabbered half incoherently as he tried very hard to pretend he wasn't just about to fall asleep.

"Okay well for starters It's alimony, not Aioli," Aunt May just shot him an extremely unimpressed and definitely worried look (interest in tax could not be normal) as she heaved the various dusty financial textbooks back to the bookshelf.

"I don't know what's been up with you lately Peter, but I'm more than slightly concerned. I've seen you more times these last couple of days than I usually see of you in a whole month," Aunt May

"Not that I don't love spending time with you Peter, I do, really, but I can't help but feel that you might be avoiding something and it doesn't seem particularly healthy."

Peter leaned back in his chair and let out an exaggerated, "Whaaaaaaaaaaat? I just, am learning new hobbies safely inside this house and far away from other people is all."

Aunt May sighed softly, "And I love that you have this interest in strange hobbies and a sudden desire for your own safety. So I have taught you how to sow, how to plait a French braid, helped you complete that 5000 piece puzzle, assisted you to perform the Turing test on Jaffa..."

"Which I passed with flying colours I'll have you know," Jaffa's smug voice proudly proclaimed from the roof.

Peter sunk into the kitchen seat and hissed to Jaffa under his breath "...yeah maybe don't go advertising that one Jaffa, I'm not exactly proud by AI can fool people so scarily... who am I kidding I am so proud!" Peter shot his hand up to high-five Jaffa only to have it hang awkwardly as he realized that Jaffa was sort of incorporeal so that perhaps wasn't going to happen.

Aunt May simply continued on talking with a slightly disturbed look on her face, "you managed to insert your own face onto the faces of all our photo's, which considering is mostly photos of you anyway, really isn't as great a prank as you think,"

"I stand by that it was hilarious!"

"You successfully managed to cause my prized Madonna lily to spontaneously explode and catch on fire when I watered it..."

"Ohhh that's where I left my potassium! You don't happen to know where I put the rest of it do you?"

"...and after all that you still had time to binge watch the first season and a half of that kid's show."

Peter shot out of his chair with a scandalized gasp, "Miraculous Ladybug and Cat Noir is not just some kids show okay! It has some real relatable stuff going on okay don't judge me."

Aunt May "...Sure sweetie. I hate to say it, but I think you might be going a little stir-crazy. It hurts me to see you all cooped up like this, and this is coming from someone who is usually begging to keep you locked up and safe all day. You've already nearly burned down the house twice this week."

"....soooo that a no on the Home-fliers loan then?"

"It's buyers. Home buyers loan and for now, it's a no from me. I need to head off to work but I'll make a deal with you. If you go outside and get some fresh air and face whatever it is you are avoiding, I won't tie you to that chair and force you to tell me what's going on with you. Which you will," His Aunt smiled sweetly, "Then if you still want me to explain how to get a loan then we can study financial books to your heart's content."

With that Aunt May grabbed her handbag, keys, and uniform from where it hung in a dress bag over a chair and turned back to give Peter a stern look, "and no more science experiments! I want this house standing and fire-free when I return."

Peter had one hand clasped over his frantically beating heart while his terrified eyes followed as his Aunt waltzed out the door. Where had that come from! His sweet Aunt was terrifying! Dear lord how had he not seen this coming.

"Jaffa. Jaffa you there," Peter whispered as he slowly straightened up.

"No Peter," she whispered back, "I decided to grow legs and walk out of here. Don't worry I'll try to send postcards as I sunbake on the Bahamas."

"Do you think my Aunt is possessed by some scary and sassy demon? Or is it some dormant genetic trait! Actually, that would explain so much... Wait, hang on, sunbaking on the Bahamas? Really what you would go for?"

"God no. Really don't see the appeal burning your own human flesh. Much rather be a nice non-burning AI thank you, but in the situation, I felt that sunbaking in the Bahamas worked better for the level sass I was looking for,"

Peter threw a dirty look at a random bookcase he thinks he put a camera in before stretching his arms languidly and clambering to his feet. For a couple seconds, he rocked back and forth on his feet looking around with a bored expression. He began pacing around the room studying random corners and knickknacks and decidedly not looking towards the door.

"Peter, I think maybe we should talk about... this," Jaffa said softly causing Peter to look up from where he was studying and turning over a particularly ugly neon green vase.

"No need Jaffa I'm already on top of it. I have caught up on all my missed schoolwork, completed all my homework and have finished all my assignments, even the ones due in a couple months. I've got this," Peter said smugly as he rolled the lumpy vase between his hands.

Jaffa sighed, "Yes and that is actually the problem. You haven't left the house in days."

"I've just been busy. Everything's fine Jaffa you stress way too much. I go outside and it's all 'No Peter its dangerous stay inside', I decide to stay home a couple of days and your all 'Peter this is unhealthy bla bla' I'm honestly not sure I may have tuned out," Peter said in a horrendous falsetto Russian accent while he threw the vase between his hands.

"Hey Jaff where did this ugly blob come from anyway. It looks like Alien snot, and as someone who actually fights aliens on occasion I am a very reliable source."

Peter was now throwing the vase up high and catching it just before it hit the floor.

"That's an extremely old and fragile family heirloom. It was one of the last vases made by your Aunt's grandfather, who was quite the famous potter, or so I've been told by your Aunt," Jaffa responded dryly as Peter threw the vase so high that it almost bashed against the ceiling. Peter froze long enough that he had to dive to catch the vase, just missing it hitting the floor, before he scrambled to put it back onto its proper place on the shelf. Peter gave a sheepish look before making his way to the kitchen and grabbing a drink.

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but you need to start going outside Peter, even as Spider-man. Without your patrol, you have been going stir-crazy this isn't good for you."

"Sorry Jaffa I'm way too busy at the moment," Peter smiled apologetically, not looking up from the kitchen bench where he was trying to balance a cup on the side of it base having sculled the water inside.

"What are you exactly doing Peter because from this angle it looks like a whole lot of nothing," Jaffa snapped.

"I am..." Peter glanced around before spotting his Aunt's cookbook sitting nearby, "cooking dinner for Aunt May!" he proudly exclaimed as he thumped the cookbook on the bench and began flipping through the pages in confusion for something to cook. He shook his head in bewilderment before flipping to the front and turning to the first recipe available.

"Peter you can't make toast without burning it. You could make water catch on fire if It was possible."

Peter snorted, "It's just spaghetti Jaffa, I've seen Aunt May make it a million times. It has like, three ingredients in this recipe. How hard can it be?"

"...should I call the fire brigade now or should I wait until I know whether a bomb squad is needed as well?"

"Har de Har Har," Peter said sarcastically as he began piling ingredients onto the bench. A carton of eggs, a small jar with SALT written in thick black marker and an enormous box of baking soda.

"Oh, are you making the pasta into Ramen? I didn't realize you knew that trick." Jaffa asked.

"Nooo I'm not making soup, I already told you, I'm making pasta." Peter huffed as he began searching through the kitchen's baby blue cupboards for bowels and mixers.

"Yeah, that's not what ramen is hun. Why then do you have baking soda... and no flour for that matter?" Jaffa asked sceptically.

"Isn't baking soda just a fancy type of flour? They look the same." Peter shrugged as he lined up all the random cooking equipment he had gathered from a wok to lemon squeezer.

Jaffa groaned, "No Peter! Why would you get baking soda when the flour is literally right next to it!"

"...I like baking soda. I know it's chemical name is sodium bicarbonate, NaHCO3. I don't know the chemical formula for flour," Peter muttered to himself as he stroked the baking soda lovingly.

Jaffa just sighed, "Just grab the flour, you mad chemist."

Peter rolled his eyes as he went and opened up his pantry, grabbing the flour and plonking it down on the bench hard enough that a small puff of flour shot up into his face. Staring at the ingredients in front of him Peter gave a determined nod and began scanning the recipe, muttering the instructions to himself as he did.

"You should see Mr. Monroe again," Jaffa said out in a rush.

Peter snorted, "I'm not going to see that damn shrink again Jaffa. I'm fine." He dumped flour onto the bench, awkwardly patting it into a rough looking circle.

"You just had a good portion whole city turn on you without explanation due to the slander of the most powerful Superhero force in the world, who is also trying to capture you. Most people would be practically catatonic, you are allowed to be a bit panicked," Jaffa tried to soothe him.

"Yeah, and how is some balding guy who smells like cheese and probably cries every time he watches Bambi, meant to help me?" Peter said raising his eyebrow and staring directly into a camera as he deliberately sprinkled a handful of salt into the flour.

"Peter..." Jaffa sighed as Peter re-read the instructions with slight panic.

"I know too much salt, I just got too distracted by my salty words." Peter quickly brushed his hands against his jeans to rid them of the flour before rushing to the pantry and grabbing a similar jar labelled SUGAR in bold letters.

"See! No biggie it's an easy fix I'll just counteract it with sugar," Peter chattered with a proud tone as he added an equally big handful of sugar. He began happily sloshing the flour between his hands as he mixed the sugar and salt in, sending small puffs of flour into his face.

Jaffa simply sighed and accepted the disaster what it was already going to be, "Well if you don't want to see Mr. Monroe there are plenty of other therapists. There's this lovely woman named Rosemary in the area, she works specifically with teenagers and young adults who suffer severe trauma. She's originally from Canada, recently went to South America, excelled in biology at school, pretends like she doesn't watch every bachelor season including the versions for the U.S., Canada, Australia and Brazil and she is planning to break up with her long-term boyfriend but is putting it off because she can't figure out how to tell him that it's because she doesn't want to marry a man who's allergic to dogs."

"...Jaffa what have I said about cyberstalking people. It's creepy and a blatant disregard for privacy."

"Well how else am I meant to find out if they are good enough for you?"

Peter let out a long sigh as he began shaping the flour to have a small well in its centre, "Look Jaff, I know you are just trying to help buts it's not the person that's the issue."

He turned away from the camera to grab an egg from the fridge as an end to the conversation. Jaffa, however, wasn't giving up yet and relented with the conversation, "What about group therapy! I hear they show some real benefits over a one-on-one situation."

"And what am I meant to say!" Peter shouted in anger squeezing his fists in anger to the egg crumpled into a mess of small shells and yolk that fell into the flour as Peter angrily shook off his hand to rid himself of egg yolk.

He began haphazardly kneading the flour so it mixed with the yolk where he held a mock conversation with the yellowish reflection staring up at him, "Yes hello, I just had had a mental breakdown after what seemed like every single person in New York city decided to attack me and now I can't leave me home without feeling paranoid, oh and by the way I am also Spider-man! You know, that super duperly evil dude that everyone is trying to kill? Yup! That's me! Just a scrawny teenager, fighting a fully-grown superhero team who has the entire city of New York as their personalized army."

Peter scoffed and threw the now firm dough onto the bench with a thump.

"What do you think people are going to do Jaffa? Offer me a damn cookie?"

Peter dusted his hands onto his jeans and returned to the recipe book, "Right so it says I need to put it through a pasta machine where's that."

"Peter..." Jaffa implored softly.

"Nope!" Peter interrupted, "Cooking Pasta. Too busy can't talk, so either help or kindly shut up."

Jaffa gave an offended huff, "You'll need to roll it out first. Evenly and as thin as possible, rolling pin in the second draw to your left."

Having successfully located the rolling pin Peter started struggling to roll out the thick blob of dough that was passable pasta. Eventually, Peter figured out that it helped if you held it by the ends instead of the middle and rolled it instead of simply pushing it along like some sort of wooden slug. After a couple of minutes of near face plants and lumpy rolling, he gave up with a huff and simply wacked it a few times until it was the sort of even thickness of an average book and returned to reading the recipe.

"Nope. Keep going. Your pasta kills are atrocious you are not worthy of the knowledge of where your aunt keeps her prized pasta machine." Jaffa said primly. Peter gave groan but reluctantly returned to his highly unsuccessful rolling off the pasta.

"Thinner."

Peter was sweating at this point but was finally managing to make a mostly even sheet of pasta the width of a finger

"Thinner."

"Thinner!"

"Jaffa seriously," Peter whined as his perfectly thin and even pasta continued to stretch in a long line down the bench.

"Less talking more pasta rolling, far too busy for idle chit-chat, hop to it," Jaffa snapped like a hardened drill Sargent.

"Thinnnerrrrrr. Fine okay, that will do," Jaffa reluctantly accepted. By this point, the pasta was Paper thin and nearly a meter long across the bench.

"Blue cupboard underneath the stove, that's where you'll find the pasta maker so don't break it." Jaffa said reluctantly. Peter leapt with excitement across the room to where Jaffa said the pasta machine was. He didn't know what Jaffa was talking about this whole cooking thing was a breeze, I mean he figured out how to do that whole rolling thing on his own how hard could it be- Holy mother of Jesus what was that thing.

There lying in the back of the cupboard, lurking in the shadow of a wok was the most terrifying piece of cooking equipment Peter had ever had the future of using. A short and lean creature of dull reflected silver, standing above, its angled pair of unnaturally shiny legs. Its body was long and stumpy, with unnatural angles and grace other than a cracked wooden handle swinging eerily at its side. But what was most terrifying of all was its head, as long as its body and angled up so as to stare straight at him with two rows of glinting symmetrical fangs. From its jaws, the faintest sight of some bright red substance could be seen where it dribbled down its silver maw and dried. It was either blood or tomato sauce and he wasn't trying to scare you but Peter had learnt from his experiences as Spider-man that a suspicious red substance is never, ever tomato sauce.

Oh dear lord either the room was getting smaller of that thing just moved. Peter frantically slammed the cupboard door shut laying his back against it with his arms flung back across it as if to hold the door shut should something start trying to barge its way out.

"...I can just cut it into strips right Jaf? That's the same thing right!" Peter wailed hysterically with the frantic eyes of a madman.

"Sure... I guess. It would just be easier to use the pasta machine though." Jaffa stated with slight amusement.

"NOPE NOPE always good to work on my knife skills. In case of an attack. Not that I'm saying that I'm not safe in this kitchen anymore but that's definitely what I'm applying."

Jaffa just laughed good-naturedly as Peter grabbed a knife with a shaking hand and began methodically cutting strips of cm thick pasta strips, making his way across the stretched pasta sheet spanning the bench.

Jaffa, of course, was always one to take advantage of silence when needed. "You don't have to talk about the circumstances that led you to get counselling you know. Just about how it makes you..."

"Don't you do it Jaffa," Peter growled as he cut the next strip of pasta with particular aggression.

"...feel"

"Oh great here we go."

"It doesn't even have to be a therapist. Just talk to someone." Jaffa implored.

"I talk to you, don't I?" Peter snapped snidely as he continued with his work.

"A human Peter. A goddamn breathing human who you didn't create your room with scrap metal and grief-driven willpower."

"Whatever." He grumbled.

Jaffa sighed, "I'm worried about you Peter, you keep burying things and retreating into your mind. Your ability to perceive reality is going to get skewed if you don't..."

"I said I'm FINE!!!" Peter screamed chopping through with the pasta with such force that it echoed with a loud bang across the kitchen as long spider web cracks appeared across the stone.

There was a moment of stunned silence before Peter awkwardly spoke up, "Well, I guess that's enough Pasta for now."

"Plenty." Jaffa agreed awkwardly as Peter gingerly picked up the pasta strips and placed them in a bowl. He grabbed a fork and began twirling the pasta.

"Peter what are you doing!" Jaffa gasped as Peter began lifting a forkful of the food to his mouth.

"Eating...?" he said slowly.

"Uncooked pasta? You do realize that needs to be boiled right?" Jaffa deadpanned.

Peter just huffed and shoved the fork into his mouth petulantly, "Now I just know you are trying to trick me. This is handmade pasta Jaffa not some packaged dried pasta. It's already soft so it doesn't need to be boiled... oh god-"

Peter spat all the food out and rushed to grab a drink which he promptly chugged.

"Why does it taste like that, it's disgusting!"

"I don't know, maybe it's the eggshell's, or the flour clumps, the excess of sugar or, I don't know, the fact it isn't cooked?"

"How do you even know that you're an AI you can't exactly cook either!"

"...I watch MasterChef with your Aunt okay, it's a good show."

Peter smirked to himself and filed that away for future teasing as he grabbed a bottle of tomato sauce from the fridge and squeezed in onto the pasta. "There! Napoletana!"

"That... is disgusting," Jaffa muttered sounding ill despite having no actual concept of food. Or illness for that matter. "Please just cook it at least. Maybe it'll be less poisonous that way."

 

Peter heaved a large cooking onto the stove with one arm, pushing off some of the ingredients he dumped on there. He tipped the bowl of pasta (tomato sauce included) into it before bending down to read the various buttons. He blinked, looking entirely lost before shrugging and pressing the on button and turning what he thought was the temperature dial a full rotation.

"Water needs to go in the Pot. God, you are incompetent sometimes." She teased with a laugh before trying one last attempt at being serious.

"Peter, you know it's okay to not be fine, but staying in this house if not going to keep you safe. Unless you have forgotten, I had to save you a few months ago from bleeding out in this very house you are holed up in. The fact that you are even here right now, that you are able to function normally, shows just how much strength you have.

"....that was a bit unnecessary," Peter sulked guiltily as he filled up a jug of water to place into the

"Look, I'm sorry, but you can't recover overnight Peter. No one can. It'd be expected that there be some bumps along the way." Jaffa gasped as she was interrupted by a reasonably sized explosion (by Peter's standards. Terrifying and dangerous by most other). "Peter. What have you done."

"The water is on fire Jaffa! THE WATER IS ON FIRE!" Peter screamed in a mixture of fear and happiness, what can he say he's a scientist he loves a good explosion. Good for the soul.

"I CAN SEE THAT PETER!" Jaffa shouted at him in alarm as the lights in the kitchen gave a sudden surge at Jaffa's panic as she began frantically calculating to try to fix this as Peter ran for the fire extinguisher. Jaffe immediately cut the power to the stove, she then caused the water in the taps to gush out at such a speed that it caused the slight leak Aunt May had been meaning to get fixed, to become a strong spray that sent a mist of water across the whole kitchen, finally a well-placed surge in the fridge's electronics sent its door swinging open to let gush of cold air into the kitchen.

Peter came skidding back in the room arms waving wildly as he tried to steady himself on the wet floor.

"WE STILL HAVEN'T REPLACED IT AFTER THE WHOLE POTASSIUM IN THE MANDONA LILY INCIDENT!" he shouted at her while gesturing frantically at the fire, which only seemed to be growing despite Jaffa's best efforts.

"The water is only making the fire worse. Trust your cooking to defy chemical laws Peter!" Jaffa snapped sounding panicked as the flames begin burning the bottom of the cupboards above and beside it, only being kept from spreading further by the mist of water that was coming from the tap.

Peter suddenly groaned and slapped his forehead, "I think I just remembered where I stashed the rest of that potassium."

"You put it in the cooking pot didn't you." Jaffa sighed sounding absolutely done with her creator.

"I left it in the cooking pot," Peter confirmed sheepishly as the pot gave off a slight explosion that shot boiling water and flames on the countertops beside the stove.

"...we are going to have some serious conversations about safe storage of chemicals after we figure out how to stop the house from burning down young man!"

"Hey! I had it wrapped up in cling wrap, just not very well I think"

The fire at this point had started burning the ingredients Peter had left on the benches, so he rushed to move them out of the way, patting where they had started to smoulder. He scooped them all up in his arms before quickly moving out of the way of the flames. He stilled as his gaze caught the box of baking soda in his grasp.

"Sodium Bicarbonate!" Peter shouted in excitement, dropping the other ingredients to the floor in order to lift the baking soda up high like it was a new-born king.

"Now is not the time to nerd out Peter!" Jaffa snapped sounding more and more panicked.

"Ah but that is where you are wrong my dear. Science never waits!" Peter said dramatically as he ripped the top of the box open and dumped the packet of baking soda on to the fire smothering it and nearly instantly putting the flame out. The few smouldering flames that remained were quickly extinguished in the cool temperatures and water provided by Jaffa.

"First science: Fire is a combustion reaction. Fuel + oxygen combined with heat makes carbon dioxide, sometimes known as the fire triangle. You remove the fire's access to oxygen and the reaction can't happen and bibbidi-bobbidi-boo you have no fire."

"Then we get to science number two: the POTASSIUM. Sodium Bicarbonate (baking soda) and Potassium with enough added heat make Potassium Bicarbonate. Ah, my lovely, beautiful, life-saving Potassium Bicarbonate is, get this, used as a fire suppressor in dry chemical fire extinguishers. And that..." Peter grinned dramatically dropping the empty baking soda packet to the ground in a mike drop, "is SCIENCE!"

For a long moment no one said anything, then the fire alarm went off.

"You officially have all your alkali metal privileges revoked." Jaffa scolded.

Peter gasped indignantly "Oh come one! Your potassium catches unexpectedly catches on fire ONE TIME-"

"The Madonna lily"

"...TWO TIMES and suddenly you are banned from all the fun chemicals."

"Your 17 Peter! 17 years olds don't have access to potassium for a reason!"

"Psssh," Peter scoffed, "Seventeen sweventeen, SCIENCE is the true law and order in this part of town."

"You blew up half your kitchen Peter. This part of town is kicking you out, this is getting ridiculous." Jaffa retorted.

Peter grinned uneasily and stuck his thumbs in the belt and picked up the now empty baking soda box to wear as a substitute cowboy hat, "Well the rest of the towns have a bounty of this wee lad's head. Got myself a mighty fine reputation I have now," he crooned in a truly atrocious western accent.

Jaffa was having none of it, "Not everyone believes the Avengers Peter! The city was just afraid and was lashing out, but support for you is there. People still support New York's favourite hero. Look there are articles! This user on Twitter is trying to start a hashtag, Believe in Spider-man is a thing! Crime rates are quickly rising now that Spider-man is believed to be on the side of the villains. I know you're afraid, but Spider-man can't stay hidden, for the sake of the city and yourself."

"I am not afraid Jaffa. There is just a lot of anger and I'm just avoiding it is all. Giving them some time to cool off," Peter waved determinedly as he took the box off his head and began awkwardly patting his head to rid it of the leftover baking soda that had stuck there.

Jaffa sighed. Trump card it was.

"Great! Good thing you'll be here for when your Aunt comes home to explain this right! Definitely not going to be a lot of anger there, not like the rest of the city!" The blood drained from Peters' face. Shit.

"...I'm just going to grab by Spider-man suit." Peter stuttered, and he raced out of the room as fast as the slippery floor allowed him to.

"Please, let the world be kind to him," a soft voice filled with doubt whispered behind him.

 

 

Time: 6:47pm

Meeting: Helicarrier

Location: An undisclosed location in the sky (Its New York, Shield is predictable if nothing else. Probably not a good thing for a spy company, someone should fix that. That someone should not be Tony. He thinks subtly is shades of red and gold.)

It was Helicarrier Hell Day. The day of the 'half-yearly expense of most of Shield's security budget' Avengers meeting. Also known as the day Fury finally gave in to his internal struggle between wanting the best security available and having to deal with Tony Stark's ego. Paranoia always won. So once again Shield paid the outrageously large sum of money that was required to have The Tony Starkä perform maintenance of their online and offline security systems.

In an attempt to salvage his super spy pride and win a victory over Stark, Fury always chose to postpone any important Avengers meetings nearing the upgrade so that they 'just by chance' occurred oN the same day as Helicarrier Hell Day. After Tony Stark had completed his work he had no choice but to attend the meeting, and with him already being present in the building and Nick Fury hot on his heels he was even forced to attend on time or sometimes even turn up to the meeting *shudder* early.

"Are you sure you don't want to me to upgrade your security to Stark Tech, Fury buddy old pal?" Tony begged as he trotted after Fury's march towards the Avengers meeting room.

Fury simply ignored Stark and maintained his practice of an art he called 'Stare straight ahead and watch as frightened Shield agents dive out of the way of the train-wreck that is Fury and Tony Stark in the same area'. He needed a new hobby.

Tony continued to prattle on, "You are paying for my god-touch with technology, and I'm good, but even a God can only do so with the system you have in place. It's like, old. Seriously I had a moment there where I thought I had reversed capsicled and been sent 90 years into the past and was reincarnated as my father." he shuddered, "It was horrifying."

Tony quickened his pace, so he was walking a few paces in front of Fury and could crane his head to look back at him.

"So what you say? You ready to help save a poor, nightmare plagued man, from the horrors of having to interact with mainstream technology?" Tony pleaded with lowering his neon orange sunglasses to pout at Fury.

"No." Fury snapped curtly.

Tony threw his hands up in the air with a frustrated groan.

"Come on! Is it the money? You know I give you a mate's rate as it is. Really, you barely even cover my call out fee, let alone the hours I put in for you."

Fury allowed himself the luxury of an eye roll (it had been a tough day dealing with Stark, allow a super spy some comfort)

"Yet for some reason, you and your reduced price is still the reoccurring nightmare in the Shield financials team. Did you know we have a therapist that specialises in dealing with Stark related trauma?"

Tony puffed up his chest as they reached towards a security door painted with a horizontal chequered stripe, demanding hand-print identification to enter the area.

"Oh Gilda! I remember her, how is she recovering after I booked an appointment. Being me is very stressful, I don't know how I manage some days. I should pop in for another visit.

The guard nodded at Fury as the door accepting his hand, sending a subtle and slightly terrified glare at Tony who simply winked and blew him a kiss.

"Gilda is still receiving mental rehabilitation therapy at the Shield trauma hospital after your last visit Stark," he said dryly.

Tony gave a thoughtful, "Huh. Soooo that's a yes on the Stark tech contract then?"

Fury sighed deeply in frustration as he whirled around to give Stark the cold, eye-eyed glare he was so famous for. They didn't call him Ice, Ice, Fury for nothing.

"NO!" Fury roared before whirling dramatically around and marching down the short hallway to slam open single door at the end.

Tony stood where he was for a moment, shuddering slightly at the sudden overwhelming chill that came over him

"This brain is a temple Fury and you have not been keeping up to date with your offerings," he hollered after Fury before running to catch up with him.

"You are all useless," Fury greeted, mood already fury-ous as he slammed the door to the Avengers meeting room open, startling the occupants inside. Tony came trotting in behind him and gave a small wave and a cheeky grin over his shoulder.

"Well hello to you too sir? How has your day been? Mine has been fantastic thanks for asking." Clint said dryly as he spun around in lazy circles in Fury's leather chair in-between of a blue holographic screen behind it the long stretch of a table in front. On the other side of the table, there was the rest of the Avengers in various states of attentiveness. Steve was, of course, sitting upright and gave the Director a small nod as he entered while next to him, Bruce sat huddled in his chair with his knees drawn up and headphones over his head as he attentively watched something on his phone. On the other side of him, Thor lay sprawled over his chair with his head in Natasha's lap, where she was weaving small ninja stars into a braid in his hair.

"Barton. Get out of my chair. The rest of you, start paying attention," Fury snarled as he stormed to the front, pushing the wheelie chair behind him with enough force that it shot towards Tony, who happily began spinning Barton in dizzying circles as he pushed the chair towards the side of the table where the rest of the Avengers sat. After a couple more, spins he let Clint's chair go and sat down himself. Clint swayed awkwardly in his chair, face green, as he stared eyes swayed over the area Fury stood in.

"Woahhhhh I think I had too many mushrooms mannnnnnn, I see like, three Fury's so he's either like, mutateeed, or I'm having, like, a spiritual awakening," he slurred as he held up a swaying peace sign. He barely reacts in time to duck to avoid the ninja star Natasha plucked from Thor's hair and threw his hair.

"You settled now child?" Fury sneered before flicking his eyes to where Bruce still sat huddled, headphones in and watching his phone.

"For FUCKS sake someone wake Banner up," Fury sighed causing Steve to twitch with the effort to keep his mouth shut.

"Bwruiice Bearrrrrrrr," Tony sang as he zapped him with a pen he pulled from his blazer pen.

Bruce snapped his head up with a growl, baring his teeth and green eyes as an ill coloured tone began to creep up his collarbone causing everyone to tense with horrified dread.

"It's my fav'rite part because --- you'll see Here's where she meets Prince Charming But she won't discover that it's him 'til chapter three!" Bruce snarled before obviously turning up the volume and facing back down to his movie.

The room let out a shudder.   
"...Bruce can just keep doing whatever he is doing in this instance." Fury muttered before turning his furious eye back to the rest of the Avengers.

"When I started this team, I saw a group of powerful yet unpredictable people with the potential to be heroes. People who fought impossible battles unscathed, who did what the rest of the world never could. Together, they were to fight battles big and small, defeating armies and unprecedented foes protecting Earth, and even the universe. The pinnacle defence of the human race," Fury began, causing the room to straighten and puff their chests in pride.

"Yet for some reason this 'remarkable' group of 'heroes,'" Fury drawled sarcastically as he pressed a button on a remote in his hand causing an image of Spider-man to pop up on the screen behind him, "seem to be struggling to squash a simple garden bug that happened to wander into a city alley."

The Avengers shrunk down in shame as Fury began to flick through a slideshow of images collected from the fight. Ironman looking rather lost on a rooftop, Tonys gaping face as he gets surprised, Spider-man flipping over Iron-man's head, Iron-man covered in webs, Spider-man cartwheeling to avoid arrows on the Brooklyn Bridge, Spider-man jumping up after Black widow Tasers him, him pinning Balck widow with webs to the ground, Spider-man sitting crouched on Hawkeye's shoulder he gets covered in webs and finally ending with the now infamous Bugle photo of Spider-man advancing towards the tied up Black Widow and Hawkeye.

"I needed that nuisance bug in Shields custody yesterday, consider this mission upgraded to high priority. I need the full team on this. So, if you don't mind, DON'T FAIL AGAIN!" Fury roared as he slammed his hands on the desk causing Clint to slowly edge his roller chair away.

After a long moment of silence as the echo rang out, there was a whisper, "Be our guest, our command is your request." Bruce hummed slightly under his breath, not bothering to look up.

"...thanks Banner." Fury said slowly in slight bewilderment before shaking his head and clicking to change to screen to the interview they gave announcing the Avengers intention to capture Spider-man.

"At least the one thing you all did right was that damn interview. We have the general public favour at the moment and panic towards Spider-man was an all-time high with a small group of citizens forming group they call the 'Bug-spray network' that is actively searching to capture Spider-man. They are small in numbers with most of the public simply fearing and avoiding Spider-man, but this group did nearly manage to capture Spider-man the day of the Interviews release, causing him to go underground for the last few days."

Steve tilted his head up, "Apologies we were not there to apprehend him sir, we didn't believe Spider-man would be reckless enough publicly show himself the same day of the interview so were not properly prepared when he was spotted," he apologised causing Tony to scoff at the simpering tone, but otherwise make no comment.

Fury nodded slightly at Cap before turning to the screen to play a video of Spider-man running down the main street, fearfully gazing over his shoulder at a small group of civilians chasing him down a footpath. As they watch, a passer-by sees him hurtling towards him and instead of moving out of the way, manages to grab his arm with a tight enough grip to send Spider-man crashing to the floor. For a moment it seemed like the mob had him before something caused them all to jump back slightly giving Spider-man the chance to flip out of there.

"There may be something there that wasn't there before," Bruce interjected with a mutter, causing Natasha to hum in agreement.

"Bruce may be onto something. I was talking with some... friends of mine who were able to... talk to some of the people involved in the group that nearly caught him. Said that apparently Spider-man was all curled up and not really making much of an effort to fight back when suddenly there was a ghost shouting at him, spooking them all and causing Spider-man to run away like he was terrified." Natasha drawled in a bored tone.

"A ghost," Fury parroted incredulously as he raised an eyebrow.

"Ah!" Thor boomed, "So this human Spider gained his powers from the realm of spirits then!"

Natasha gave his hair an angry pull. His outburst having shaken one of the ninja stars free of the braid.

"Shh less talking Thor, you shake your head too much. The voice, they said she was Russian though," Natasha added helpfully causing Tony to stare at her suspiciously and lean forward to rest his elbows on the table to give Fury a 'can you believe this excuse' look.

"A scary Russian ghost." Tony drawled, "Are you sure you weren't on a comm helping him along? Your double crossing us aren't you, you SPY!"

"A tale as old as time," Bruce agreed sadly from his position curled up in the chair, eyes never leaving the screen.

Natasha threw her hands up in disbelief, deliberately hitting Tony's face as they went up, "Unless you have forgotten Stark, I am hardly the only Russian female in the world. Plus, like I would be sloppy enough to have a Russian accent (which I no longer have mind you) when I'm doing my double-crossing."

"Perhaps Spider-man has connections to the Russian mafia? Maybe it was fear of his boss that spurred him into action?" Steve helpfully added causing Fury to give an interested grunt of agreement at the idea.

Natasha simply furrowed her brow in thought, "I'm not sure. The voice was described as sounding slightly... mystical? Static? Perhaps it was whatever technology they were using to create the amplified disembodied voice."

Tony furrowed his brow, deep in thought, searching for an idea just beyond his grasp. Bodiless and odd sounding voice yet his gut was telling him it wasn't a comm. Perhaps... could it be possible...?

There was a soft knock of the door, causing every head to whip around and stare at a shaking Shield agent entered. She was young, staring at the Avengers with awestruck and respectful expression. She must have been new.

"Awww look at the wittle baby spy," Tony cooed making a grabby hand at the agent, his previous train of thought now abandoned.

"Maria why is there a barely graduated agent standing in a level 8 meeting room," Fury inquired incredulously as he placed his hands on his hips, causing his trench coat to pull back slightly to reveal the gun underneath.

"Sir, Director Fury, sir, I... Agent Hill in charge of that is, she sent me..." the poor girl stuttered with a terrified wide-eyed look.

"Spit it out girl," Fury snapped.

"It's Spider-man sir! We know where he is," she gasped, squeezing her eyes closed in fear. The reaction was instantaneous as the room snapped to attention and Fury gave a wave for her to continue.

"Ah, the tip line just got a sudden influx of confirmed Spider-man spottings. Unfortunately seems to be a bug of sorts in that areas security cameras, so we are unable to get visual on him, but with the amount of information we have coming in from the public, we have been able to pin a location."

Instantly, Fury caused the screen behind him to display a stream of data and a map with a number of red crosses, with more being added by the second, forming a straight line leading to one location. The rest of the Avengers leapt to their feet preparing to race out. Cap, luckily still in his uniform from training earlier in the day, pulled his shield from under the desk, Thor summoned Mjolnir, Natasha began pulling various weapons from different corners of the room, Tony summoned his Ironman suit with a slick of his wrists and Clint began cooing and lovingly stroking his bow.

Bruce startled at everyone suddenly standing up and finally removed his earphones, "What...?"

Tony looped his arm with Bruce and pulled him up out of the chair.

"Spider-man has been spotted Bruce," he jabbered excitedly as he pumped his free fist up, "Its AvEnGErs AsSeMBLe!"

Steve shot him a dirty look, that was his line dammit, before turning to address the group, "Alright team, it's all hands-on-deck here. We can refine the plan on the way there but here are the basics. We've seen that Spider-man is going to be relying on his webs and aerial movement to escape capture. Our main focus is to get him grounded, whether that be in an area with nothing to climb up with, cutting off him webs, injuring him enough that he can't perform his aerobics, it doesn't matter.

From there, our strongest Avenger is going to have to be prepared to be in a position to attack and capture Spider-man."

At once the Avengers all replied.

"I'll be in position." Natasha drawled.

"I'll stab him with my arrows once you guys have him grounded!" Clint said as he mimed sticking arrows in, in slow motion.

"Strongest Avengers will be there don't you worry." Tony preened as he dusted himself.

"AYE Captain the man Spider will not catch me unawares!" Thor roared as he held up Mjolnir

"I don't think you want to Hulk waiting around while you all play shooting ducks..." Bruce muttered.

They all stared at each other for a long moment will Fury gave a subtle cough of amusement.

"Well, this is awkward... You guys so realize Cap was talking about me, right? I am the strongest Avenger." Tony.

"I think our Captain was referring to the Prince in the room. Sorry Man of Iron, You don't even have magic." Thor said pityingly.

"Ha suck it nerd!" Clint laughed.

"You don't have magic either Barton!" Tony spluttered.

Barton raised an eyebrow, "Um you do realize I have arrows, right? Are you stupid?"

He gave him a pat on the shoulder before turning to Natasha and pulling a face while knocking on his head.

Bruce just shook his head and muttered, "The hulk guys. It's the hulk," before plugging his headphones back in and leaning against a still spluttering Tony and opening his Netflix back up.

"Can we remember which Avenger is the most terrifying and has beaten you all before," Natasha said smugly as he used a particularly large sword to scratch at her neck.

"How about we make a bet." Clint decided with a dramatic point of his finger before he began to stroke an imaginary beard.

"Whoever catches Spider-man gets to have the title of strongest Avenger and... Tony's penthouse!"

There were nods around the room "HEY! You... you knave! That is so unfair, I did not agree to this. Come one Cap you agree with me this is so wrong. This is morally and ethically not what the Avengers are about and let me tell you..." Tony shouted in outrage before crossing his arms stubbornly, "I say no."

"If you win I will agree to the contract for Stark technology in Shield bases," Fury interjected with gritted teeth causing Tony to gasp and clap his hands excitedly as he jumped on the spot.

"Oo OO Count me in! Come on Cap pleassssssseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee can you have a bet pleassssseeeeee pretttyyyyy pleasssssssseeeeeee-" Tony whined as he bounced around Steve. Steve simply shrugged and gave him a slight smile

"I see nothing wrong with it. A little competition is healthy after all," he said with a shrug, "Plus, would love to be able to paint the city from the penthouse when I win." He finished with a wink.

"Fury?" Natasha questioned flicking a glance his way where he stood studying the map on the screen.

"This is a waste of the Avengers time but if a bet means I get to have Spider-man faster than you can play whatever childish games you want."

Barton cheered and began doing exaggerated flexing moves, "Oh hell yeah game on!"

The rest of the room cheered and seeing the first pieces of the ironman suit crash through a window the enter the room, prepared themselves for battle.

Fury growled at them, "Why are you still here? Get your arses on a jet and find me a new bug for the collection and find the winner of that damn bet of yours."

"Well you heard the man," Tony smirked as the Ironman suit flew out to wrap itself around him turning his voice into the menacing robotic voice of Ironman,

"Let the Spider Hunt begin."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not a nerd. You're a nerd. I JUST LIKE CHEMISTRY AND SHAKESPEARE OKAY. You will have to excuse the serious downgrading of the power of potassium explosions (my inner chemist weeps), I didn't feel like leaving Peter dead or homeless.
> 
> As you may have guessed next chapter Spider-man and the full Avengers team meet and... sit down for a lovely chat over tea and crumpets. Sure. Let's go with that.


	10. Chapter 10: A Schooling in Salmon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is nearly 11 000 words. Why do I do this to myself... I have got to cut down on the chapter size. Earlier than usual how about that. I'm pretty sure there were some questions I was meant to address but memory is not good and I'm tired from writing to get this out today so sorry if that was for you. Lots of references as usual so have fun spotting them.
> 
> Also, action scenes are hard I'm sorry in advance.
> 
> Anyway. Go forth and read, I look forward to your abuse on both me for writing this and the Avengers for being idiots.

Under the mask, Peter sometimes had trouble telling if he was laughing or crying. It was like that distinctive switch inside him had been worn away, leaving him forever teetering between the two and never knowing when the emotions switch over.

He likes to tell himself that it's just his duty as an edgy Gen Z kid to be dead inside, but he knew that perhaps it wasn't the most normal thing to not feel a difference when his brain suddenly decides to be out weeping and sad over his preferred covering problems with humour technique. To him, sadness and happiness sometimes... sometimes it just felt the same.

The only real way to tell was the reactions of the people around him. He's been told that his laugh was contiguous, making you want to smile and talk a million miles an hour to keep up with the sheer exuberance he exhibits. People are happy when he laughs. He likes that, he knows that he must be happy too. But when they get uncomfortable and frantic, he knows that his switch suddenly teetered over, that there are tears in his eyes and sadness in his brain. People's faces; It's an easy tell to tell if it's he is in tears or laughing when he himself cannot tell.

He wished more than anything he could understand that switch as he crept inch by inch along the thickest shadows of a quiet alley a mere block from his home. He was definitely feeling something, but it was hard to tell around this general feeling of panic. His senses were shaking, each rustle of a street rat sending him scurrying up the nearest building and it felt like there were thousands of spiders crawling mockingly along his skin. And the Spider-man suit, oh how it seemed to itch as it never had before. His clung to the wall with one hand as his other ghosted it way down his side, fingers twitching with the urge to just rip it off and ran home with his tail between his legs.

Peter groaned and hung his head with defeat as he swung carelessly through the broken glass window of an abandoned warehouse and sat high on a beam to stare down at the dusty broken furniture that littered the floor. This warehouse used to be the base of a small drug operation that he had broken up during his early days of Spider-man, back when he was still insecure enough that his extent of 'vigilantism' was performing parkour in the few blocks around his home. That has been his first real taste of what Spider-man could be and how he had revelled in the feeling. He felt like he had single-handedly stopped all drugs in New York, like he could take on the world and come out unscathed. He was a fool back then. A fool who had no idea how dark and scary the rabbit hole was.

Peter gave a snort and lay splayed on his back so his arms and legs dangled loosely over the metal beam. He stared up at the jagged gaps in between the roof beams, eyes drifting to watch the moonlight scatter on the loose sheets of dirty plastic that hung down like spider webs.

What was he doing? Hiding in an old warehouse on a quiet street in the area surrounding his home known to criminals as "Spider-man Hotspots." Criminals never come around here anymore, he needs to move if he wants to confront any sort of crime and save anyone this evening.

"Come on. Move." Peter hissed to himself through barely moving lips, eyes still lingering at the moon between the broken sheets.

He didn't move.

He felt frantic and filled with restless energy, yet every time he imagines getting up, joining the larger city, his limbs felt like lead weights. With great effort, he pulled himself upright so his legs dangled slowly back and forth, his arms braced either side of him. Maybe he should just go home. Back to Jaffa and Aunt May, back to science experiments and cooking and nagging about getting more potassium. Back to where he is safe, where he can be happy.

Yet as Peter studied the hard-woven material of the suit's red arm, he knew that the trembling of his arms was more than just panic. There was a superhuman restlessness in his bones. One that always appeared when he couldn't be Spider-man for a few days because of an injury.

"Come on Parker. Get your shit together and move!" Peter yelled, slamming an open palm against the beam. He sat until the quivering echo finally subsided before pulling the mask off with a frustrated huff.

God he was such was a coward. Why couldn't he move? Spider-man was a hero, he wasn't afraid of what people thought of him. Spider-man did things out of a duty to the city and a love of her people.

Spider-man was brave, quick witted, strong and self-sacrificing, a hero, a good citizen that never gives up and lets down. Peter stared down at those stupid white bug eyes with a sigh. Guess that was the problem huh? Spider-man was worthy but Peter Parker... he, he wasn't.

Stupid, cowardly, weak Peter Parker. He could never live up to Spider-man.

Spider-man would have been out there protecting the people even as they knocked him down again and again. He would have been unscathed and unfazed, standing in that heroic power pose Peter denies having tried in the mirror (it ended horribly. He looked like he was doing a mannequin challenge during a chicken dance.)

Not like Peter Parker, who just wanted to block up and curl up in a ball like some sort of dead spider.

Peter stilled where he sat with his shoulders hunched and hide bowed as he tried to hide from his own thoughts. Suddenly he shot his head up stared with a critical graze at the mask.

He may be a curled up dead spider but his own internal thoughts were right. He WAS a spider. Well not a literal spider, but HE was the one spider powers and Spider-man was him not matter how much it felt like they were different people. If he was weak and flawed then Spider-man was too. If Spider-man could get up to fight another day then Peter should stop talking in the third person and get up too!

It was time he stopped being a hormonal, overly emotional kid for once and be the serious grown up hero that he was. Or well, be the serious grown up hero that was that everyone thought that he was. Wait. Um, it was time he was the not-serious, grown-up, not-hero that everyone thought he was!

This is why he had Jaffa proof-read his inspirational speeches. Still, he had one more line to deliver so hear him out.

Peter clambered to his feet, swaying slightly as he tried to keep his balance on the beam before holding the mask dramatically above him into the light of a moonbeam.

He was Peter Parker, he was the man behind the mask and he was a gosh darn hero and

"When you knock me down," he bellowed as he pulled on the mask, "I get the fuck back up again!"

Before he could think any more on the matter he leaned forward and tumbled off the beam. As he somersaults in the air he shoots a web on the beam he was previously siting on, shooting like an arrow through a hole in the roof before landing of a still secure piece of metal.

Don't think. Just do.

Feel the Spider. Be the Spider. He raced across the metal rooftop, leaping over holes and jagged steel his spider sense told him to avoid while staring determinedly at the moon.

God how he missed this. The freedom of travelling the city, free and like no other before him ever could. Spinning and tumbling past street signs, hanging washing, building and cranes, nothing would stop him. The world was a blur of shadows and moonlight as the leapt across rooftops; the creaking metal of industrial area shifting to the terracotta slates of suburbia until he reached the flat air conditioner inhabited roofs of the outer city. He doesn't even know where he is anymore maybe he should start paying attention...

Voices flooded his senses and he found himself snapped into the reality of fashionable food strip of a harbour town.

"...at that new pizza place..."

"...What the fuck Daryl you retard..."

"...that the returns were filed..."

"...I saw it! That pigeon was red..."

"...and they were roomates!"

No no no, People. Did they see him? Oh god no not again... no breathe he had to get out of here no no what if they...

Peter slammed into the wall of the next building causing to shake his head dizzily as he scrambled frantically up the side to hide behind the shadow cast by a billboard proclaiming a new Stark phone. The motivational speech did not work, repeat speech did not work!

His arms trembled so much he found himself struggling to remain clinging to the billboard.

He was not ready for this... and that's okay! He could just take a few days to recover and recuperate and then he'll give it another go. Wait for things to die down a bit more. Everyone needs a mental health day. Yeah, that's what he would do.

Peter took a few shaky breathes before gently folding out his tightly bound body so he could step gingerly down onto the floor.

Then he heard it. A prickle of wrong on the edge of his senses, the far-off smash of glass and the quiet wail of an alarm. A robbery. In an instant, long-honed instincts kicked in. Peter's mind whirled as he habitually checked the web shooters and paced back far enough that he could get a good run off the building.

If he goes by that alarm sound, it's a jewellery store being robbed judging by the type of alarm system they used. Costly system, but nothing outrageous, so it's a well-off store but not super upscale or with high brand reputation. The time is late enough that the streets would be low in traffic to allow for an easy escape, yet still early enough that the cops would be busy in more populated inner-city regions. The robbers would have to know Spider-man hasn't been seen since the press conference with the Avengers, yet still chose a location with low crime rate where Spider-man is unlikely to be near. Means that the robbers are smart. This is well planned out and will work like a well-oiled machine. They won't take unnecessary risks, so it will be a team of three inside and one driver, easily fit into one discreet car, yet each with specified jobs. They are too careful, so they will bring impressive looking but easy to obtain weapons that will intimidate jewellery staff, but not cause unnecessary suspicion with police.

They will have an external ringleader no doubt. That will make bringing them in more difficult as they will have a point of calm and an extra pair of eyes to coordinate attacks. They will have been instructed not to shoot anyone, but they won't hesitate to try to kill a vigilante like himself. They won't take the chance even if he is seen as a villain. His best to sneak into the building and hang on the roof to assess locations. He should wait until they are all in the same location so he can attack swiftly and before the external ringleader can take control. If the fight goes side-ways, it would be best to let them escape to prevent a hostage situation which will be more difficult to manoeuvre safely. Best to let them think they escaped out of the bank so there guard it down, but restrain them before they manage to reach the driver.

Now, judging by the sound of the alarm and factoring in the enhanced hearing, background noise and wind direction, the shop is 25.3km NNW. Assessing the building size in the area, a direct route should take him 4 minutes and 12 seconds to 4 minutes and 53 seconds. More accurate calculations and a plan will develop as more data of the area and situation are assessed, he should...

Just as Peter reached the edge of the building he found himself jerked back suddenly with pin wheeling arms as he scurried back up the billboard.

What was that? His mind was saying 'leap off into the busy streets and save the day" but his body was saying "haha that's funny mind I like billboards they are warm and safe."

It's easy. All he had to do was swing off the rooftop... to where the hungry people are... swing over the city... where everyone can see you and mock you... and go stop some jewellery thieves... giving people time to prepare to catch you. Easy. Superly duperly easy. The easiest most non-scary thing he had ever done. Ever. He could go now. Anytime...

He stayed on the billboard. With his hearing now focused on the jewellery shop being robbed, he could hear the sound of shouts and shattering glass.

Peter growled, "I swear to god once this is over my nervous system is going to have a good sit down so the brain and muscles can go to couples counselling. Sensory neurons... attack!"

Peter threw his body forward as if to jump off, only for his hands and feet to remain firmly stuck. The result was him flopping down awkwardly so he crouched like a vertical cat who fell asleep with stretching.

"Okay, I swear that wasn't me that time! I was going to go I swear but my fingers and feet just stuck my Spider grip is probably malfunctioning. That's it! I would absolutely go catch the robbers if I could but my spider sense isn't working so oops that not going to happen maybe I should go home and Jaffa can do it for me," Peter rambled before stilling and hanging his head in shame, "Dammit Jaffa is an incorporeal AI. Could I make a body for her in the time it takes until the robbery is over or is that too far?"

Maybe he could get a comm and Jaffa could be here with him when he was Spider-man!

"No, god dammit Peter you are a nearly fully-grown superhero you don't need to be carting your AI around like a security blanket. Face your fears like the strong independent Superhero you are." Peter laughed self-deprecatingly.

Why couldn't he move? He loved stopping bad guys, it was kinda his thing. Yet every minute he stayed there the opportunity slipped away and the crime continued on unstopped. He wanted to stop the robbery, and he knew he could do it and how to get there, but he just couldn't make himself do it. He just had to get started. Get off this rooftop and he knows he'll be able to just pretend the people aren't there. He always lost himself in battle he would have no problem! Just MOVE PARKER.

Just as he failed to once again motivate himself into facing his fear he heard a scream. A child. In an instant, he saw a burning building, a terrified child and a mother sobbing in relief in his arms. What was her name again... Luc? Yeah...

No, no what have you done Spider-man. God he... Peter, Peter was scared, terrified really. He knew that if he went out there as Spider-man there was a chance that he wouldn't come back the same, if at all, and that scared him. People were out to hurt him and he didn't know if he was strong enough. But there was a child out there who was just as scared as he was, who was probably braver than him, had a brighter future too. A child who was too precious for the world they might one day save.

It didn't matter if he was scared. He was allowed to be in pain, but he wasn't allowed to let his people hurt if he could take their pain away. Even if taking that pain for himself instead.

As Spider-man leapt of that building, he was terrified. More terrified than he ever was staring down the barrel of a gun or laughing in the face of Ironman. His limbs felt still with petrified fear as he swung past buildings and darted through parks and stunned dinners. His fear dripped like unexpected rain onto the passersby below. Most were unable to avoid the fear, they didn't expect rain nor Spider-man that night. The thing about the rain though, is that there is always someone with an umbrella, who will smile while everyone screams.

When arrived at the robbery of Eye of Joan Jewelry, he arrived too late. Ashen white faces were already stumbling out the building doors and he could see the terrified form of a young boy as he sobbed into his Grandmothers' shoulder. He wanted to go down to them, to apologies that he was weak, to say he wished he had been there to be a hero for them but he was no longer needed. They were more bitter and jaded when they went into work that day.

All he could do was chase down the car he could hear taring its way down the next street over. Spider-man burst off the rooftops and into the view of the main street as he continued his web swing straight past the shop, offering only a small apologetic wave in the direction of the shop workers. He doesn't wait to see their responses.

Within a minute he managed to catch up to a dated black Honda as speed past the other cars on the road and narrowly missing clipping the pedestrians that strayed too close to the road as they bypassed the chairs and tables of restaurants.

When he was above the car, Spider-man let go of the web as he handed heavily on the roof of the car. Around him, he could hear the shocked gasp of the passersby at his seemingly sudden appearance (seriously look up people he's not that hard to miss) and the sudden curses from inside the vehicle.

"What's going on Ryan! Something just landed on the roof, this isn't a part of the plan," the driver, a man with a bald head and truly atrocious blonde moustache, yelled.

In the passenger seat, a man in a black suit and baklava (same outfit as his companions. Twinsies!!) fumbled around to put an earpiece back in.

"You two up back, poke your head out and see what's going on, I'll see if I can get Mr. Otter on the comms..."

"It's Spider-man! Someone call the...," a young woman helpfully screamed in fear as the car sped fast. Well, there goes the surprise.

The passenger frantically scrambled for his gun, "I'm sorry who did she just say?" he screamed in frustration.

One of the other thugs gave off a relieved laugh, "It's cool dude, Spidey is a good friend of mine! Once time he pranked me by pretending to get me arrested but then Mr. Otter's people freed me and..."

The robber next to him buried his face in his hands with a groan, "Damo! How many times have we told you this, Spider-man DID try to get you arrested..."

Spider-man sat on top of the car in slight confusion, had they forgotten he was there or... He swung and ducked over the windscreen to avoid a spray of bullets my front passenger (Ryan... Roberta...Rachel? One of those.) He gave a jaunty gave at the guns facing him and its owner inside the car and knocked on the screen.

"Hello," Spiderman sang as on the second knock he punched through the screen and grabbed the gun straight off him before webbing him to the seat, "My name is Elder Spider-man..."

He flung himself onto the roof to avoid the rain of bullets the backseat drivers shot at him, successfully breaking the rest of glass. Well made his job easier.

One of the thugs from the back seat stuck his head out and gave a wave, "Hey man! How you've been? Don't worry I've forgiven you for the 'webbing me to the wall thing"

"I've come to share with you this most amazing book!" he sang as he crouched and studied the oncoming traffic to predict the movement of the car.

The baddies were starting to get what was going on as the driver began swerving dramatically over the road, barely missing the oncoming cars while the others leant down to collect an extra gun. A rookie mistakes. Swerving does little to throw off a smart spider like him, actually makes his job easier as it slows down the car and takes away the drivers focus. Spider-man shot onto the car before jumping up and swinging forward, the force of the moving car sending him flying through the window and sitting in the spare seat between the two stunned robbers.

"It's called a driving manual," he dead panned as the driver braked desperately, perfect. Before they had time to react he was elbowing them in the stomach and snatching up the guns out of their hands as they doubled over, dodging a punch to his head as he quickly webbed their hands to the back of the seat.

The slightly burlier one to his right gave a delighted laugh as he wiggled to test to bonds, "Spidey you are such a laugh! I knew our bonding had..."

He gets his mouth webbed shut.

With the driver having so kindly brought the car to a screeching halt for him, Spider-man poked his head through the two front seats, "I don't want to be a backstreet driver but stopping in the middle of the road is called causing a hazardous situation. Instant fail in your driving test," he grinned as the driver scrambled to pull his gun up only for it to be plucked out of his hands while he was quickly webbed and detained like his friends.

"Two hands on the wheel at all times! Have I taught you NOTHING!" he reprimanded.

Spider-man settled back into his seat with a sigh, taking a minute to relax as around him the sound of tires squealing and angry honks greeted him from behind the small blockade of crashed cars stretched across the road.

"Do you think you mind moving your legs so I can get out?" he queried only to be given a death glare by the two passengers.

"We will not give in to your demands," the guy on his left declared while Damo just gave an excited wiggle.

"...okay whatever man you do you just don't mind me then, sorry, sorry, excuse me," Spider-man muttered as he awkwardly shuffled over the criminal's leg, nearly sitting in his lap in the process before finally managing to kick the door and tumble out onto the street. As a last final touched, Spider-man opened each door and webbed any free limbs as well as the other guy's mouth for good measure, making sure that all hands and feet were now securely going to be kept inside the vehicle at all times. He dusted his hands before taking a step back to admire his handiwork; a true masterpiece.

"Spider-man," a panicked voice yelled behind him causing him to whirl around looking for threats. What was wrong was someone injured in the chase? Was there a villain what was going on? Oh... Before him a small crowd of terrified people were hovering, pale faces backing away while others leapt out of their cars to run away further down the street.

Peter could feel that bone deep panic take over. Not again, please, please not again. He could feel himself backing up, pressing himself against the car and squeezing his eyes closed against the assault.

"He's evil haven't you heard?" someone hissed.

"Look what that monster did to that poor family!"

"He should have run while he had the chance..."

 

"Wow I didn't realize there were so many idiots in the world if you actually believe all that crap. Like Spider-man the actual puppy could be evil," the frustrated voice of a young girl called out. Spider-man snapped his eyes open in shock to see that a tiny barely 5-foot tall teen only a year or two younger than him had pushed her way to the front of the crowd. She had dyed black and green streaked hair, the sharpest pair of wings he had ever seen in glitter gold, a pair of galaxy leggings and a shirt with 'I like your shoelaces' in swirling cursive.

"Well, I'll be damned..." Spider-man muttered to himself as a nearby business man turned angrily.

"Why don't got back home to play dolls little girl, you don't understand what's going on here," the business man sneered.

Small with shoelaces girl spun and jabbed him hard in the chest, "I'll have you know that I run one of the most popular Spider-man watch blogs and I am HIGHLY knowledgeable on the subject. I am WORSHIPED by cannon writers."

"Oh! So you run criminal information network!" the Business man spat sending the crowd into an angry mutter. Spider-man quickly called out to bring the attention back to him.

"I'm not a bad guy okay, the Avengers got it wrong," Spider-man tried to sooth as he straightened and took a few steps forwards with his hands waving frantically in front of him. The effect was instant, people instantly began screaming and running down the street or rushing to hide inside nearby shops with locked doors.

"SPIDER-MAN IS ATTACKING EVERYONE GET OUT OF HERE" a shop owner yelled sending customers scattering.

"Stay away from us!" one of them yelled, throwing a glass that bounced harmlessly off his chest.

A woman in 6-inch heels sobbed as she tittered down the street calling "I can't die today!! SOMEONE CALL THE AVENGERS!"

"No need sweetheart, we're already here," a familiar tin-y voice ran out as Ironman landed heavily in the street between the crowds and where Spider-man stood with his back pressed against the car.

oh.

Oh

OH OH GOD

THIS WAS BAD

He was emotionally drained as it was but having to deal with an Avenger on top of it...

"You're okay. You've defeated him before. You can do it again," he murmured to himself. Smile and wave boy, that's all you gotta do. Maybe a couple of verbal stabs. And then some physical ones. Lots of webbing as well... but mostly smiling and waving.

"Ironman!" Spider-man greeted warmly, "I thought I said no surprise work visits until the third date."

The blue eyes of the mask stared blankly into the white eyes of Spider-man before Ironman gave a chuckle, "Well my friends were dying to meet you and who was I to refuse them. Why don't you say hello to them?" He lifted metal hand the gesture over Spider-man's shoulder causing him to turn around.

...shit.

Standing just over the other side of the road and steadily advancing was The Avengers. Not AN Avengers, or SOME Avengers. THE Avengers. Jaffa was going to kill him. Painfully. In his sleep... but painful sleep, not can't feel anything happy dream sleep.

Leading them was Captain America with his shield casually by his side OMG THE ACTUAL VIBRANIUM SHIELD SO BEAUTIFUL

(don't fanboy Peter they are probably here to kill you it's embarrassing)

DO YOU THINK THE CAPTAIN WOULD LET HIM TOUCH IT.

"(Maybe if it involves throwing it in your face)," A snarky voice whispered in his head.

...I SHOULD ASK HIM

"(...are you stupid. This is your bad idea brain telling you DON'T DO THAT. I have too much self-preservation to let you do that.)"

BUT, BUT, BUT THE SHIELD IS SO PRETTTTYYYYYYY

"(Shut it fanboy brain.)"

Moving on. Just to his right was the formidable Black Widow, glaring angrily at him as she sent sparks through those electric devices of her wrist and pulling a knife out of a back pocket. So badass...

To Captain America's left was Thor who was swinging his giant, magic, alien hammer (he was so stealing that) like he just doesn't care in one hand, with the other fiddled with... was his hair in a braid? Huh, not bad, though the slant looks a little off and the second third could have done with some tightening...

 

Just behind them Hawkeye stood blowing bright purple bubbles and fiddling with his bow. A fair way off he could just make out a van with the SHIELD logo (super subtle super secret agency everyone) and leaning against it was... no. It couldn't be. There was no way the best day of his life could come on a day he was probably about to be beaten to death.

"OMG OMG BRUCE BANNER YOUR PAPER ON BIOCHEMICAL ENGINEERING IN COMBINATION RADIOISOTOPES WHEN TRACKING MINUTE RADIATION GAVE ME LIFE AND CONTINUES TO GIVE ME LIFE PLEASE GIVE MORE LIFE AND HAVE MY BABIES" Peter screamed internally trying to swallow the squeal that was so very close to escaping.

"...why we must bring you in to face the full justice of Shield," Captain America declared after what was no doubt was a rousing speech filled with liberty and freedom and eagles and other fun things. That wasn't meant for him, was it? Please don't tell him that Captain America was talking to him the whole time he was ogling the Avengers (and Bruce Banner OH MA LORD). AHHhhh... that's a little awkward he hoped it wasn't important.

"Sorry I tuned out for a second what's going on?" Spider-man apologized as he scratched his head guilty, "Can I have the spark notes version?"

There's a moment of stunned silence where Captain America opened and closed his mouth as he foundered for words before Hawkeye let out a snigger.

"I LIKE this villain! Oh man he gets even better in person."

Ironman spoke up from behind, causing Spider-man to whirl around, "Facts are this: you're evil and we're good so don't resist arrest. Full stop, end of story, blab la don't bother protesting."

Peter found himself filled with an unexpected fire. He was angry. Why. Why did these Avengers have to come and screw up his life? He was struggling as it but he was getting better, he was feeling happier and stronger each day and life was finally looking up for him. Then they just had to come in with their half-formed theories and ruin everything. They took away his people, his safety, his reputation and now they had come for him. How DARE THEY.

Spider-man clenched his fists to his side and leant off the car so he was standing side on, flicking his head between the crowd of watchers with Ironman and the rest of the Avengers.

"I'm not some bad guy OKAY! I don't know where you guys got that impression but all I do is help people. That's all I want to do! I have gone through horrors no person should go through. Had hardship I know would never have happened if the world wasn't so cruel. Then I got powers that could make a difference in this stupid world and life got worse. But I had a responsibility, I wanted to do good, not add to the evil that hurt me so often. So, for the last time. I AM NOT A VILLIAN and I certainly don't work for any!"

He finished breathing heavily, squeezing his eyes shut as angry tears leaked down the sides of his eyes, thankfully hidden by his mask.

"That so. Where you get those powers then Spider-man?" Black Widow spat as she spun a knife between her fingers.

They... they were never going to believe him. So high in their pretty tower, they are on top of the world they simply don't know how to be wrong. They were god given Avengers. The saviours of Earth. They were the freakin incarnation of good and justice, weren't they? If they are fighting someone they just HAVE to be super evil, there's no other way. Any everyone else? Well, they just believed them! Why is it easier to believe in a God you're simply told is good but never see, than the good you see evidence of every day.

Well, screw them. Screw them all.

He shot a quick glance at the crowd of people who were siding with these foolish idiots, then at the small teen with the shoelace shirt who gave him a worried frown before he turned back to the Avengers with a smirk he knew they couldn't see. He was done trying to explain himself.

"Where I got these powers huh? I stole them from the president,"

As soon as the words left his mouth he shot a rapid fire of webs at the Avenger cluster as he bounded on to the roof of the car before attaching a web to a nearby streetlamp and swinging himself high above the shopping street and into the air and leaving the Avengers to dive out of his way. Guessing they weren't expecting him to attack first huh?

He ran, or swung really, as fast as his webs would take. He flipped into a tight alley, bounding between the two walls of the alley as it gradually narrowed before he swung sharply and ducked between the alleyway between two brick red apartment blocks and sprinting down them. As he reached the end, he launched himself onto the exposed brick of the next building over as he readily scaled it, making sure to stay out of sight of any air patrols. He continued, flipping through any small crevice he could find, taking every twisted backstreet and random directions. Anything to throw them off his track all while avoiding the sight of people. Yet he couldn't hear any sign of pursuit. Had the Avengers really given up already?

That was anti-climactic.

Spider-man slowed his frantic pace up a rusted fire escape a little, as he casually shot a web onto the building's ledge and used it to pull himself onto his roof where he gave a cautionary glance around him at the rubbish filled streets and docking yard just beyond, yet all was quiet. Huh. So, he had lost them.

'Better to put some distance between them though' he thought as he began using his webs to help his web swing past the apartments and towards warehouses, hopefully giving him a place to hide while until he could safely move towards the more heavily populated areas on his way home.

He couldn't believe it! A close shave with the Avengers and he was going to get away as easy as that? Really it almost seemed...

Suddenly heavy suddenly rammed into Spider-man's side causing him to be ripped from his web mid swing, throwing him harshly to the ground. He skids for a meter before ramming suddenly into the side of a shipping container. Spider-man groaned in pain, clutching his sides in agony as he stumbled to his feet with a blurry vision. Was that... a hammer? Well this was great...

"Ah ah! Did I tell you that the mighty Thor travels with lightening's own speed, I believe this is a win for me," a throaty laugh rippled around him as a large blur stops and picks up the hammer, swinging it casually around. Or maybe that was the world moving... Either way, he was out of here.

Spider-man groggily leapt up the shipping container's side before a repulsor last just above his head sends him bashing against the pavement with a scream before stilling. He ached all over...

"You did not beat me to him! Your hammer did, not what we agreed to Thor," Ironman grumpily replied as he landed beside Thor with crossed arms. Spider-man remained still as his vision slowly sharpened again and watched the shape of the Thor and Ironman formed out of the sea mist coming from the harbour just past the shipping dock. They were standing just in front of him, paying him little attention. They must think he was unconscious. Rookies.

"I believe our barter means that you must relinquish your place of residence to me should you wish to hold you honour."

Iron man through his hands up in an exasperated gesture, "Yes sure. Give a HAMMER an apartment, because you certainly didn't do anything,"

"Did I not throw the hammer? As I, not the only one worthy of using such a weapon?" Thor questioned smugly as he gestured with his hammer in Ironman's direction.

Before he could reply the sound of a motorbike interrupts him, causing them to turn as the Black Widow weaves her way between the containers and trucks to come to a screeching halt before them.

"Who won the penthouse then?" she asked casually as she dismounted as Tony and Thor began chattering again. Won a penthouse...? What was going on here?

"T'was I fair Widow..."

"It was not him, it was his hammer..."

She cut them off with a withering glare, "I don't actually care. Go secure the bug before it wakes up... you did double check he was unconscious right?"

There was an awkward pause while Ironman and Thor looked between themselves before Tony spoke up defensively, "We slammed him into the ground twice, trust me he's unconscious. Plus, he would have moved anyway! He's just kinda... flopping there" he finished with a vague wave of his hand.

'I'm not flopping!' Spiderman thought, rather offended as he resisted the urge to shuffle his position lying against the container, "I'm just... tactfully resting to assess the situation."

"You two are idiots. Move. I'll tie him up so he's secure until the others arrive. Cap can do what he likes with him then," she grumbled as she pulled a long black cord and handcuffs from... somewhere.

Don't say it don't say it don't say it...

"Ooo kinky,"

Every time. You think he would have learnt by now.

Spider-man seriously regretted his lack of brain to mouth filter as Black widow instantly reached to flick her knives into her hands. Lost all advantage because he couldn't hold back the quip. Nice one Parker.

Spider-man lunged straight from his crouch to land a flying kick straight to Black Widows stomach to send her sprawling to the ground before leaping up into a cat-like crouch. He darted to the left, avoiding a blast from Ironman while he shot a web at Thor. He managed to hit an unnaturally toned bicep before he was forced to duck and roll to avoid an attack by Black Widows non-battle practical heels. Seriously he thought he had mentioned this last time.

Spider-man quickly assessed the area while dodging a swooping Ironman. There was nothing much around, lines of massive shipping containers were all he could see as well as a massive crane peeking out behind them a few rows over. Behind him, he could vaguely hear the beating of the waves and he knew somewhere in front of him he would find a small string of far off water view shops and offices. Nothing with height and nowhere to escape. Well, they don't call he that idiotic smart-aleck with too many brain cells for nothing!

Spiderman sent a series of webs towards Ironman's foot which were all unfortunately avoided. Instead, he skidded close to the ground to run a few paces before a repulsor blast sent him spinning to face Black Widow who stood assessing him. He prepared an obvious fight pose (wax on wax off) causing her to roll her eyes before sprinting forward. Spider-man instantly abandoned him fight pose to jump as high as he could to place his feet on her shoulders.

"Leapfrog!" He called as he leapt clean over her head...

...and right into Thor's arms as he flew past with Mjolnir. Not who he expected (He didn't even realize Thor could fly that suddenly) but it would do. Instantly Spider-man webbed the ground below and pull with great strength causing Thor to nearly drop him. He switched flight paths to go straight upwards instead, counteracting the web attached to the ground.

Perfect.

"Ohhh Woooaaw did you oil your arms because the muscle definition is poppin. It's like those super buff cows they genetically engineered in... Sweden was it? It was probably Sweden they do crazy stuff like buff up cows. Anyway, so these cows right, they're called Belgium Blues and... Ooooh Belgium totally made them, didn't they? Damn I missed an obvious clue there." Spider-man chattered conversationally as he struggled half-heartedly as Thor took him higher and higher into the air.

"It would be best you didn't struggle little spider, unless you want to be dropped that is?" Thor sighed in annoyance, the grumble of his voice vibrating against his back.

Spider-man stopped struggling instantly to give an offended huff, "I'm not short! You do realize I'm ten times the size of the biggest spiders, right? I should be Giganitum Spider."

Little higher littler higher... now. With a surge of strength, Spider-man flung his head back to hit Thor, dazing him, as he ripped his arms free sending him plummeting to the ground. He twisted so he could throw a web onto the enormous shipping crane nearby sending him launching high and fast away from the other Avengers.

Spider-man turned around midair to give a jaunty wave, "Hasta la vista bab..."

For the second time that night Spider-man found himself thrown out of the sky by the unexpected impact of an Avengers weapon in his side. Could his Spider sense PLEASE stop sulking about the last time he ignored it and start helping him out here?

He landed (mostly) on his feet as he stared, mesmerized, at the shiny red and blue star shield a few meters from him. OMG Captain America's Shield had just touched him! Or hit him very painfully in the side but still! He was never washing that blood off him again... It was so beautiful... so perfectly timeless technology, so genius designed. Those curves were so sophistically flawless and balanced, what he would give to see a Fibonacci construction of it... He really wanted to pick it up and take it home and perform experiments on it and maybe sleep on it but that would be stealing and stealing is bad.

Wait. They think he's a villain, stealing a weapon they are attacking him with his sort of reasonable... No one else needs to know...

Spider-man barely had time to avoid the arrows shot at him. Fighting, right.

"Sorry I'm late, Barton had to stop to puke," Captain America announced as he waltzed up to pick up his Shield to joining the semi-circle of Avengers in front of Spider-man. Beside him, a green looking Hawkeye shuddered as he knocked another arrow.

"I am never accepting a ride from Cap again in my LIFE. He's a maniac! A danger to society! I am living every day from now on knowing it's a gift of pure luck I was not killed on that bike"

"You're exaggerating. I maybe ran a red light on the way here that's all" Captain America snorted as he gave a small signal with his hands and instantly the Avengers all rushed forward.

Ironman hovered above, shooting blasts whenever Spider-man attempted to run to off, bringing him back to where the rest of the Avengers were throwing casual attacks at the panicking Spider. He was so screwed, so very VERY screwed.

Hawkeye was clearly not done yet as he began to blindly shoot arrows while facing where Cap was trying desperately to get close enough to hit Spider-man.

"Yeah you maybe ran a red light and then in order to avoid being hit by a truck, decided to not, I don't know BRAKE, but instead throw to bike to the ground and GO UNDERNEATH A MOVING TRUCK INSTEAD! Who does that!"

Spider-man was, for the moment, able to dodge the attacks while they still underestimating how strong their attacks would be in order to bring him in. Once they started focusing...

"Less complaining more arrows." Black Widow snapped as she ducked under a web, causing it to hit the arrow Clint had just knocked, and tripping Spider-man's feet while he was distracted by Captain America's Shield. Because it was currently being swung at him in an attempt to bring him down. No other reason at all.

"But Tasha I'm TRAUMATISED!" Hawkeye gasped as he discarded the webbed arrow to the side and reached back for another one. Spider-man rolled to his feet, kicking one of Black Widow's taser wrists as he did, causing it to spark wonderfully. He ducked under Thor's arm just as it went to close around his neck before finally managing to get a web to latch onto Ironman's, which he yanked, sending him crashing to the ground.

"Now that's a lotta damage," Spider-man crooned before the sound of a bullet caused a painful stab in his side. He hissed, pressing his hand to reveal a small patch of red where it had nicked his side. Painful but manageable. Sliding under Captain America's legs he leapt up and kicked the gun out of Black Widows hand and sending it flying into Thor.

"Does this betrayer of City Spider always make so many unnecessary comments in battle?" Thor grumbled throwing him hammer and causing Spider-man to do a matrix style limbo that transferred into a handspring. He flipped to land behind Captain America who was forced to bring his Shield up to deflect the hammer. He then swung the shield around to hit Spider-man, who had already disappeared and was now dancing around Thor.

"Oooo I forgot there are a couple new faces here today! Why don't we all introduce ourselves," Spider-man chirped as Black Widow managed to flip him to the ground. As he fell he managed to grab her wrists and flip her over him) successfully crushing the other electric tazer bracelet while rolling to avoid arrows and Ironman's attacks.

"No? Tough crowd. That's okay I'll start!" He chirped as he dodged a hammer wildly swinging at his head before catching its attack and pushing the arm attached back into Thor's face. And now he's totally killed that wrist. Worth it for the cool action shot.

"So heyyyy, My name Spider-man. I'm an Aquarius, I enjoy sunsets, long walks on the beach and risky hotdogs. And I did not kill anyone. Or any other criminal act you probably think I did. Just FYI"

Captain America's Shield hit him directly in the ribs with a loud crack sending him sprawling at Hawkeyes feet. He offered him a smirk as he trained an arrow on him and placed a triumphant foot on his injured side which was still bleeding sluggishly from where it had been just scraped by the bullet.

"Technically I am currently restraining him so does this mean as the best Avenger I get the penthouse? I'm thinking neon orange walls..." Hawkeye pondered while tapping an arrow against his chin. 

 

Spider-man coughed as some liquid he hoped wasn't blood bubbled up his throat, "I'm not d'ne yat. Jst restin' I'll beat you ina sec. Prepare y'urself..." he slurred causing Hawkeye to press his boot down slightly harder. Shake it off Peter. What would Jaffa do if you let yourself get captured because of a few broken ribs? Spider-man never gives up...

Captain America shook his head with a sigh as he walked over, "Let me offer you some free advice,"

"Can this be done over a drink instead?" Spider-man groaned in pain as he rolled awkwardly to his. Wait. He's underage, why did he say. All this adultness must be rubbing off on him.

"Talk less." He stated as he reached to haul Spider-man to his feet to restrain him causing Hawkeye to back off.

"What?" Spider-man shouted back at him as he launched upwards and grabbed Hawkeye's bow and slammed it over Captain America's head before promptly tripping and woozily swaying to regain his balance.

"As in shut the fuck uuuup! Please just let me fight you in peace!" pleased Ironman as he

charged up a powerful blast of energy from the repulsor which he sent straight at Spider-man who was barely able to stumble out of its path.

The blast instead hit the beat up shipping container, exploding the metal and releasing a flood of ice and salmon outside and onto the floor. The sudden salmon assault (wow that really rolled off the tongue) caused Spider-man to slip, his arms flailing wildly giving Black widow opportunity to launched herself to wrap her legs around his throat and send him crashing to the bed of ice and fish as she chocked him with her thighs.

"I had a dream about this once. Much less sexy in person." Spider-man gasped as he clawed desperately at her to free up him air supple, fully aware of the mushy mixture of salmon and ice he was now lying in. Hang on...

"Do you ever shut. UP!" she hissed as she braced her hands against his mouth. Spider-man could feel his strength leaving him, his wounds and now diminishing oxygen had simply made him too weak to throw her off. His hand fumbled next to him, desperate for anything to throw her off. He wasn't about to get captured (or get killed he wasn't sure what was going on here still) while lying in salmon.

Weak fingers managed to grasp the slippery end of a tail, its fins digging into his palm. Well you can't say he let his pride be stronger than his survival skills, can he?

Spider-man threw his arm with all the remaining strength he had at Black Widow causing the salmon to slap straight across her face.

"YOU JUST GOT CORNOBBLED" Spider-man shouted as he managed to slid beneath her and leap to his feet, her shock having been enough to loosen her grip.

The rest of the Avengers groaned. How hard could it be to catch one guy!

"Someone please just catch him," Ironman pleaded desperately trying to hit him, "He's so weird I can't handle it, cornobble what even is that."

"Cornobble: means to smack someone with a fish." Spider-man laughed gleefully as he began slapping arrows out of the air while running (quickly limping really) away from Captain America.

Ironman flew down close and set off a string of furious random blasts towards where Spider-man was sparring with Captain America and Thor using the fish to fend them off as they grabbled for him like a bar of soap. Cause he's a slippery bastard and proud. Most of the blasts were way off before Ironman finally decided to aim and sent a blast he couldn't avoid unless he wanted the other Avengers to catch him. Thinking quickly a muttered a quick prayer and threw the fish up in the air to intercept the blast, causing a rain of burnt fish, a large chunk of which began sizzling in the Black Widow's hair.

 

Spider-man watched with awe as he webbed Thor's feet together causing him to hop aggressively towards him. "Wow. That thing was awesome. How high do I have to roll until I can be proficient in using a fish as a weapon?"

"I'm going to kill him," Black Widow stated bluntly as she sprinted towards Spider-man who began frantically running towards the container to grab more fish, "Thor stop being useless and let down your hair," she growled, while Ironman nearly instantly received a call.

The other Avengers watched in awe as she leapt and placed a knee into Thor's back, grabbing a ninja star out of Thor's plaited hair as she did and throwing it in Spider-man's back. She then leapt towards Cap who lifted his Shield in awe as she bounced off it and leapt in Spider-man direction.

Spider-man himself dove to the ground and causing his ribs to groan in protect, barely managing to avoid the star. He then flipped onto his back and seeing Black Widow hurtling towards him he did the first thing he thought of. Brace his legs and kicked her straight past him into the blown opening of the fish container.

Spider-man did the first thing he thought to do. Run after her and hid from the other Avengers. He leapt into the hole before rapidly webbing the entrance do the other Avengers couldn't enter after him. He knew his limits, and if he didn't get somewhere safe soon adrenaline wouldn't be enough to keep him going. Between the bloodless and the trouble, he was starting to have breathing... plus fish are now officially Spider allies. 

 

As soon as he webbed Widow up inside the container he sank down to his knees, his face in his hands to try and alleviate the dizziness. God that wasn't to hold them off long he was stuck in here. God, he wished there was some other exit than a stupid blown up side of the container. Who made stupid enclosed containers anyway. Wait. He was being an idiot, wasn't he? Outside he could hear the Avengers yelling and ripping apart the webs so he scrambled to plough through the fish and ice. Freedom. Come on you're Spider-man don't you dare pass out now.

"Get that thing open!" Cap growled as he began trying to slash at webs with his Shield, "Widow may be in trouble who knows what kind of things that despicable villain may be doing to her."

Hawkeye ran up and began peeling off the paint where the web was stuck while Thor tried to hobble over, his own two feet still stuck as they were.

Ironman spoke up as he landed heavily on the ground and began cutting through the webs with a laser.

"Bruce is calling, he is asking whether you guys need the hulk of if he should just drive the van around for pick up. Also, something about tangled hair and flowers... gleaming and glowing? I don't know I think the connection might be cutting out or something he's not making much sense."

They finally burst through to find Widow webbed but unarmed against the ice, Spider-man nowhere to be seen. All they could see was a path of clear ice and fish showing the end of the shipping container, where its door had been propped open.

Steve slammed his fist against the side of the shipping container before storming out while Clint gently freed the Natasha.

"Avengers!" he snarled as he strapped his Shield to his back, "We let this villain seeming innocence and weakness fool us into a false sense of security and now one of most crafty villains New York has seen has gotten away."

"He can't have gotten far, he was really injured I'm surprised he was still fighting as well as he was. There's no way he'll make it more than a kilometre before he'll be forced to rest." Tony promised, clasping a hand to the Captains shoulder before launching back into the air and scanning the area.

As Natasha and Clint walked out Steve called out, "Alright everyone spread out. We'll coordinate a web of a search area using Ironman's scanning systems. There's no way he'll be able to escape. Move out!"

They instantly collected all their weapons and moved off, Cap moving to his bike, Ironman streaming off, and Clint collecting up stray arrows as he puttered after Natasha.

"You get him, fellow warriors! I will be just behind you!" Thor bellowed after them as he desperately tried to hop after them, unable to untick his legs.

Peter wasn't going to make it. He limped down a street, with an arm pressed to his side and his vision growing black and fuzzy. His breath was coming in uneven pants and each step sent him buckling.

He could faintly hear the whirl of Ironman, the rev of a motor bike and somewhere Hawkeye was cackling in laughter. They would find him soon.

Peter let out a spluttering cough as a panic overcame him. He couldn't let himself get captured. Something was wrong within Shield and he knew he wouldn't make it unless they had taken either his life or his free will. They would rip his world apart, his Aunt May, good 'ol Midtown high and Jaffa, oh god what would they do to his Jaffa! She was still too innocent she wouldn't understand what was going on. She didn't know the world outside of his and his home. He couldn't do that to her.

He just had to keep... going... the next step sent him crumbling to the ground with a wheezy breath. Maybe he could just rest a little bit...

"...not what Fury told me!" Hawkeye whined while someone else murmured something.

"Yeah yeah, whatever I'll check these last couple of alleys and then i'll come meet up with you."

No. Peter let out as quiet a sob as he could before be dragging his aching limbs up. He had to keep going...

"Get in here," a voice hissed as Spider-man suddenly dragged by his collar and into an open doorway. He struggled as much as he could as he was dragged past some sort of dim and creepy storage room but the grip was relenting. His breath quickened, first the Avengers and now some crazy citizen! God, what if they attacked him.

He was eventually pulled through another darkened door before he was abruptly let go. Instantly, he scurried as fast as he could, pushing past some sort of table and chairs, to clamber up the wall and press himself into a corner.

The first thing he noticed was the man hovering awkwardly in the doorway. He was... enormous. Bulging tree trunk arms wrapped in tattoos and the wide frame to match, hard lined face with a square jawline, eyes that glinted even in the low light and a bald head offset with the curls of an orange beard. Most prominently was the half-formed lotus flower that was half-bloomed across his cheek.

"...ah. I didn't really think this through. Um, hi I'm Espen?" the man mumbled as he nervously twisted his hands in an... was he wearing a floral apron?

He must have been staring as the man seemed to blush and rush to take it off, throwing it across the counter behind him.

"Well this is embarrassing... I swear I don't usually wear floral! But it was a present from my... ah sister yeah. She's super girly and likes flowers and other girly things... I wasn't expecting company okay?"

Peter spared the man a brief glance before surveying the room in the low light available. It seemed to be some sort of café, or maybe a bakery? There were bookshelves and tables scattered about, some blobs he assumed were beanbags and the faint smell of pastries coming from the counter the burly man was standing in front of. Peter could feel his arms trembling and his grip slipping, he didn't know how much longer he could hold this.

"I always imagined you would be a lot more talkative," the man... Epsen was it, murmured to himself before rushing to correct himself, "Not that I'm saying that's a bad thing! At all. You're still great. Just... quiet. Yeah. This is awkward..."

Peter finally gave in to his aching limbs and slif off the wall to lean heavily against a chair. Please be kind... he could not last a second longer in a fight or a need to escape.

"Ummm I'm really not equipped for this I just... sorry about the lighting, by the way, Spider-man, can I call you Spider-man? Oh course I can you aren't going to tell me your actual name don't be stupid Espen..." he hissed to himself and rubbing his forehead as he glanced out a window.

"Right. Lights. I tried to make it dark so the Avengers..." Peter tensed causing Espen to stutter, "Ah them, they didn't try to see you in here."

Espen seemed to shrink in on himself, looking truly miserable and Peter felt bad for the guy, really. But the world was currently spinning and he still wasn't confident this wasn't a trap. He seemed to get over himself either way and after briefly touching the flower on his cheek straightened up, "Tea or coffee!?" he proclaimed loudly before slapping a hand over his mouth.

Peter didn't answer. He just didn't get it...

Espen seemed to shrink in on himself before pulling his apren back on and declaring, "Well, You seem kinda jittery so I am just going to make a teapot for us both how bout that?"

He gave a decisive nod before strolling behind the counter towards where Peter assumed the kitchen was.

"Why are you doing this?" Peter called after him causing Espen to trip over a something, causing a loud crash, before whirling bake in shock.

"You... You spoke to me! I'm... wait sorry explain the question?" he muttered sheepishly. Peter shook his head in bewilderment before repeating the question.

"Why are you do doing this? Saving me from the Avengers, making tea, being nice. I'm currently supposed to be evil incarnate or did you not watch the news?"

He whirled and slammed his hands on the bench, "The Avengers are wrong! You're New York's hero, you're here for the little guys as much as the big ones, you help people when it does nothing but cause pain and suffering for you. Those Avengers don't know anything about being a hero and they don't know anything about you! I am not going to just stand aside as they drag you through the dirt. Not when I have the power to help! If I can do even do the smallest thing, even if you barely remember it, to help a hero as pure as yourself, then I've lived a life worth living."

I don't need to explain anything to you. You're Spider-man and you damn well deserve every kindness that comes your way!" Espen finished with a shout, his eyes feverish and his breath panting. He seemed to be as shocked as Peter seemed to be ad he stared at his own shaking hands.

"....I'm sorry. I don't usually have outbursts like that. Really, I'm just... you're Spider-man and... I'm pretty much Espen so... I'll just grab that tea." He seemed to hiccup on that last one, almost in tears for some reason.

"There's a first aid kit in a basket next to the door if you want it. Need it. You'll probably need it the Ave- those guys. Bit strong, aren't they? Sorry... tea. I can tea. Just ignore everything I've said for the last 10 minutes, please. Except for the first aid kit. You can still remember that part... I'll just go if that's okay," he whispered before shuffling away, but before he could go, Peter, called out after him,

"Espen!"

The man himself turned around so quickly his shoulders bashed against the walls.

"You... you have done more for me than I deserve. I... Thank you. You're more pure a person than I could ever be. And some tea would lovely. Really." Peter shot him a smile he knew he couldn't see before shuffling to get the first aid kit. Espen seemed to be in shock, as he stared for a few moments longer before wispily floating into the kitchen while Peter let out a low chuckle. Interesting guy.

He spends the rest of the night listening to the Avengers pass, growing more and more furious each time, in the company of Espen. They exchange few words else, simply sit and sip tea while Espen checks his wounds (once Peter had trusted him enough to get close enough to see the injuired he found out Espen was quite a skilled medic)

They pass the night in peaceful company. As Peter sits there are drinks his tea he wonders whether this lump he holds back in his throat is a laugh or a sob. Was it this fear and trapped feeling due to the Avengers or the hope and comfort Espen had provided by showing that people out there did support him. Whatever it was, he knew deep down inside he was to be feeling a lot more of it in his future. He wishes desperately for a moment to rip off his mask, to stare Espen in the face to see how he reacts. Would he smile at the laughter threatening to burst forward or shift uncomfortably at red eyes and choked back tears? He wishes his face would tell him what this feeling scrambling to break free was. Perhaps it was panic. Perhaps it was hope. Fear. Courage. Victory. Defeat.

He did not know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always comment, I read everyyyy oneeeeee even if I only sometimes respond. If you do want me to answer just @ me or write OI SUNSHINETEARS YOU THERE MATE (or something along those lines) and I'll go 'Oh hey that person probably wants me to answer. That's cool I can do that.'


	11. Rumblings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter and Jaffa have a spat and the author compares Peter to a cat. 
> 
> Also: Someone should start singing 'Why can't we be friends' because poor Peter is so confused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> {*Author Note:  
> Me: Chapter 11 needs to be short as it has a lot of dialogue plus then I can release chapter 12 quickly as that’s more important.  
> * 10 000 words, several deleted paragraphs and too much time later*  
> Me: AH shit.
> 
> Hello yes, I am not dead thanks for asking, having a life is stupid and time-consuming but I did get a puppy. He’s a nightmare.  
> You all really liked Espen (isn’t he a sweetheart) and while I haven’t got any real plans for him I can defiantly add him in again a couple more times if that’s what you all want? Just say comment Yah or Nah I don’t mind. 
> 
> Ahhh your hatred of the Avengers amuses me greatly. So innocent. So naive. Like they are the only thing I have planned…
> 
> Anyway, this chapters a little slow but character development and setting up for plot so… deal with it. Next chapter will quell your action and plot needs and should come much faster*}

**The Avengers vs Spider-man: Wherein lies the truth?**

**By Vanessa Garth**

_Opinion columnist_

 

_Published 2 days ago (NYT)_

I can still remember that when I found out Michael Jackson died; I was in line at Starbucks and wearing uncomfortable new shoes that had given by a blister on my right foot. The man in front of me smelt like beeswax and wood.

For me, the press conference where Avengers announced Spider-man as a villain they were attempting was one of those moments. I know I will never forget that moment where I was idly standing by the printer at the office, pretending to watch the TV and not the panic of a co-worker as he noticed a typo in the soon to be published paper for the morning. I can still taste cinnamon muffin that had been lingering in my mouth from the breakfast I had eaten that fateful morning.

I was... horrified to put it lightly. Heartbroken? Almost childishly confused? A little bit of everything I suppose. I didn't know what to feel and feel into the trap of what seemed easiest. Anger. I admit that I too saw the Avenger's press conference and was filled with such rage and hatred because I felt so betrayed by this hero our city had loved so dearly.

But I am a journalist, and in a career like mine, you learn that there is no such thing as truth. You must take the thousands of stories and using the few facts you have, reach for as close a truth as you can. In the case of Superheroes; the truth is much more obscure.

The Avengers are great heroes, they are the protector of our world and the leaders in all things hero. They have a vast network of information and organisational backing and have a history if subduing threats and villains before many of us even knew they were. They are powerful, intelligent, and unlikely to be wrong.

Spider-man is the much-loved vigilante of New York, a hero who's love for the little people has him stopping all crimes from minor to major. Tales of his heroics are as easy to come by as simply asking a couple strangers as they walk by on the streets. In New York, everyone knows someone, if not themselves, who has encountered Spider-man.

So, the real question was this... Who is to be believed? The Avengers or Spider-man?

So, I bring myself to a journalist's idol and to the wise words of Sherlock, "How often have I said that when you have excluded the impossible whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."

Here lies the conundrum; It is impossible the Avengers are wrong, yet it is impossible that Spider-man is what they say he is.

The only thing that remains, as irrelevant as it may seem, is the single thing I know to be absolute fact. It was this; that Spider-man once hit my office window like an overgrown pigeon because, and I quote, 'there was a puppy across the road and (he) was distracted by trying to figure out how to overcome his crippling social anxiety so he could ask the owner to pat it.'

_(revised: After articles release an onlooker who spotted the event contacted the paper and reported that Spider-man did, in fact, get to pat the dog in question; though he is reported to have said 'Hi I'm Spider-puppy can I please pat your man?')_

A strange interaction perhaps, but I remember at the time being overwhelmed by the sheer genuineness that was Spider-man. True, he was just as intimidating and alien as one can expect from a masked superhuman, but he seemed so very innocent for a man who dealt with the darkest parts of our city, the parts few other even acknowledge. For all that he was inexplicitly different, too graceful too powerful to be normal, he seemed to be the most human person I have ever had the pleasure of smacking into my window. I kind of wanted to give him a hug. Is that a weird thing to do? Perhaps, but I've felt anything other than fear around other heroes.

I don't know why the Avengers and whoever it is that backs them, is trying to capture Spider-man. I don't know why they think he's a villain. I don't know anything really.

What I do know is that know is that my little sister has anxiety. She uses to spend days inside, unable to handle to the world. She is leaving the house more and more these days, and maybe it's because of the picture of Spider-man she keeps in her pocket everywhere she leaves. Bravery: it's infectious.

I do know that the all over the world, not simply New York, children and adults alike look up to Spider-man as a role model, because he is one of the few genuinely good people there is.

I know that there are people out there, whose numbers are growing even as I write this, people who are protesting the Avengers words in the defence of their hero. Everyone's hero. The people's hero.

Perhaps I am delusional, but I have looked at the stories and the webs they weave, and I know that the Avengers cannot be right about Spider-man.

Spider-man is under attack from the Avengers, from the blindly trusting New Yorkers who believe them. I've seen the footage from the day of the press conference release, I refuse to believe it was anything but fear, and certainly not an admission of guilt, that sent Spider-man fleeing as he did as from the very people he protects. We must protect him, not attack him!

By the time this is published people will have no doubt heard that the full Avengers team confronted Spider-man last night, the first time he has been seen since the incident. No one knows what happened during that fight, only that Spider-man was seen leaving a docking yard severely injured while being perused by the Avengers, and then not seen since. Though the Avengers were seen patrolling for hours last night, it is entirely possible Spider-man was indeed captured.

Perhaps this article is too late, but I know it is my duty, as a believer in truth to write it anyway.

So, I write this for all those out there who are struggling to match the words of the Avengers to the hero they love. I write for the groups out there who have never doubted Spider-man, I write for those for the doubts have always been there. I write for who he has saved. I write because I want to be part of voice which cry for Spider-man to remain free.

I believe in Spider-man.

Perhaps if we work together, the Avengers will one day believe in him too.

 

**Top Comments:**

@MryaBee

Finally, some actual pro-Spider-man news coverage. Thought the media had all gone crazy. #fakenews

 

@ACarpNamedCarl1

Preachhhhh #IbelieveinSpider-man

 

@ CallmeGuest699181

I dunno man seems kinda fishy to me. I mean the spider guy seems cool and all but i am going to trust the guys I saw beat up aliens a little more. all I see of this guy is off youtube.

 

@Espen'sLonelyHeartsCafe

Ah I don't really know how to do this comment thing, but Spider-man is a hero. I like this article. Also, I Spider-man really seems to like wheat cakes so if you see him on a long night and he looks like he needs a break, try offering some. Um yeah. That's all. Well done Ms. Garth.

 

@GenLepZeddlin

Petition for someone to start a meme war with the Avengers, the biggest memes of them all. Seriously how has no one said 'hey guys maybe this isn't such a great idea' how stupid could they be.

 

@Richard'sFrisbeee

YEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT @GenLepZeddlin that's genius! Gen Z striking back! Also spidey is smol bae.

 

@LadySpiderGal

This is LadySpiderGal approved! This article is a war cry for all those Spidey fans out there. Also: check out my tumblr blog for my encounter with Spider-man the day of the Avengers Attack as well as daily Spider-man updates.

 

@RobertMajorie

What a load of shit. Do some actual journalism instead of this liberal propaganda you fucking slut.

_! this comment has been flagged as offensive and is under review_ _!_

 

@Monste3r&Mother

Omg @LadySpiderGal! I'm a huge fan of your blog it's great. Also spider-man is hot af people need to stop hurting my future husband.

 

@Bug-SprayOfficial

What rubbish, this is nothing but brainwashing for the weak minded. See the truth and join us today to follow the same great destiny as the Avengers. Unrestrained mutants like Spider-man will fall and we will rise strong again. #Jointhecause #IbelieveinAvengers #SquashtheBug #Bug-SprayNetwork

 

@Melisssssaaaaaa.B

Cause that doesn't sound ominous at all @Bug-SprayOfficial. Anyone else just get the urge to run under their covers and not leave the house for the next week or that just me? Just me? Yeah thought so...

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Peter sat huddled at his desk over, his tongue trying to stick out in concentration but struggling behind the wires clenched between his teeth. An assortment of gears, mental plates and wiring was rested across his still forearm, while his hands meticulously fiddled with the inside of a polished silver globe covered in a web of glassy purple veins. Every few seconds the purple veins would glow, and a flickering image appeared above it. A misshaped cat, a bouncing ball, a math's equation, sometimes just a string of nonsense. More often than not, however, it was various scowling faces, at one point even a remarkably disappointed but pixelated version of the Han Solo. The images now had some colour; the cat was nearly tabby, the ball was red maybe mauve, but everything seemed to be overcast by a heavy filter of purple.

The polished ball from which the images were being projected was almost unrecognizable when compared to what it had been only a couple weeks ago when Jaffa had appeared on that rooftop after the whole 'New York trying to capture him incident'. Gone where the tangled wires and bugged buttons. Instead, the holoball was looking less 'made by a bored teenager in class', and more 'super modern sleek alien tech'.

Every few seconds Peter would look up to his open computer, where a steady stream of code seemed to be, occasionally typing in a few words with a free hand before returning to the wiring of the ball.

"You nearly ready for school hun? We're leaving in 5," his Aunt's voice drifted down the hallway into his room.

 

Peter made a muffled sound before he spat the wires out of his mouth to call back, "Ready whenever you are!"

When he had returned late in the night, having stayed at Espen's Café until deemed long enough that the Avengers had given up, he had quite forgotten about the whole 'nearly burning down the kitchen with Potassium' incident.

As such, he had not been prepared for his furious Aunt to have been waiting up for him. His Aunt, who had been impatiently waiting up for him to sneak back home so she could burst into his room to turn her full wrath upon him. Really, it was pure luck that he had decided to walk most of the way home in his civilian clothes, not wanting to chance the Avengers seeing him, otherwise, his Aunt would have been in for quite the shock.

She never quite got to the whole 'you are officially grounded for life how dare you try to cook and then disappear all night' talk. Apparently walking in to find your nephew covered in bruises, clutching at his ribs and with dried blood dribbling out his mouth is a bit more of an issue. Jaffa had told her that he was visiting some friends from school when asked, so his Aunt now thought he was being seriously bullied. Well, she wasn't exactly wrong, but the lie still sat uneasily with him. She had moved all her shifts so that she could take him to and from school for the next couple of days while he recovered. He didn't deserve her.

And Jaffa? Jaffa had been unusually quiet about the whole thing. No threatening to make him behave, no begging to attack the Avengers, not even so much as a snarky comment at his inability to be subtle. This morning she had barely even acknowledged the upgrade she had been nagging him for weeks for. It was unnerving. She'd never done anything like this before. Calm before the storm perhaps?

With the last twist of a wire, Peter began placing the pieces back into the silver orb before he closed the two halves with a click. In an instant, the purple veins pulsed, before settling to a dim glow. With a satisfied nod, he placed the orb onto a shelf before returning to study the coding on the computer.

 

"Jaffa would you please stop trying to speed up your upgrade. You'll give yourself a bug if you keep doing that," Peter muttered as he watched the distinctive code that could only be from Jaffa subtly try to integrate itself into the upgrade.

 

"I'm not doing anything of the sorts," Jaffa said stiffly causing Peter to give a laugh, before wincing and placing a hand to his ribs.

 

"I can visually see your code running across my laptop screen Jaffa. You're not exactly subtle," he teased hoping to get more of a rise out of her. Jaffa didn't take the bait. Not even so much as an offended sniff.

Peter groaned to himself as he ran a hand through his hair. Was this how Jaffa always felt when he did this? Couldn't she just... be normal. Well normal for her. What would Jaffa do in this situation? Probably yell at him until he gave in to her demands, go all adult AI on him, or play makeshift counsellor. Do AI's have counsellors? Probably not. What a gross infringement on human, er AI, rights. That's it he is starting up a campaign in defence of AI's needing counsellors too! No AI left beyond, freedom for all self-aware AI! So basically, just Jaffa. Oh god and Jarvis! He was actually about to campaign for the rights of the enemy. Dammit Stark, always ruining his plans.

Peter groaned, stretching his hands high above his head and wiggling his fingers until they gave happy little pops. He leant back in his chair to study to run of code as the upgrade integrated itself. Hours and hours of work with Jaffa... and she wasn't even excitedly fretting over it.

 

Peter gave a soft sigh as he mentally prepared himself, "Alright Jaffa, what's wrong."

 

"Nothing's wrong. The upgrade is going as planned."

 

Peter gave an impatient look to the general room before he clasped his hands together and stared directly at a camera. "That's not what I mean Jaffa and you know it."

Peter tapped his foot impatiently as several long seconds passed without talking.

 

"Jaffa. Speak."

 

"Fine." She snapped in a clipped tone, "I told you to go out as Spider-man because I thought you may be showing signs of depression and I was getting worried, but then the Avengers found you. I had to spend the rest of that night not knowing whether you were coming home or not, or even if you were alive, and there was nothing I could do. There you happy."

Peter rubbed his eyes tiredly, wincing as it pressed painfully against a bruise. Didn't that make him feel guilty?

 

"Jaffa. I'm not the same ruined boy who made you. A lot has changed, and yes maybe I suddenly am in a lot more danger, but it's just part of the process. Spider-man... Spider-man is everything I am Jaffa. These powers demand that they are used for a greater purpose than myself. Maybe that's why I spiralled so far after Gwen's death. The Avengers may be trying to bring me down, but a new chapter of my life is just beginning Jaffa. It's going to be scary at times, but I'm stronger than this. We... We are stronger than this. I will always come home and I'm never going to leave you." Peter finished with a warm and triumphant grin, half risen out of his seat and ready to take on the world. Damn did this pose feel mighty or what.

 

"Great."

Peter slumped and rocked back on his chair, hands braced against the table. Oh, come one he thought the speech was great surely it deserved a little more than just a 'great'? He just didn't get it! Why was she so _moody_ all of a sudden? He definitely felt like he was missing something here. Either way, it was something he could deal with later when-

 

"I'm going to hack Stark Industries," she declared.

There was a beat. Then the crash as Peter as he lost balance of his chair and was sent sprawling to the ground.

 

"WHAT THE SHIT JAFFA! Are you insane!"

 

"Language. I can't handle it Peter, every time you go out as Spider-man you are leaving me and going to a place where I can't follow you, where I can't protect you."

Peter scrambled to his feet, nearly tripping as his foot got tangled in a discarded shirt on his way up, "I get that okay, but how the flaming hell does that mean that it's a good idea to hack Stark Industries"

 

"I refuse to powerless, I won't let the Avengers take you from me. Stark Industries manages all Avengers security and equipment. Therefore, if I control Stark Industries, I control the Avengers and they don't stand a chance at hurting you," Jaffa stated with the air of complete confidence. Peter blinked with an oddly blank look before grabbing the holo-ball and switching it on. Hundreds of tiny purple veins rippled across it before the chaotic ball of code Peter had come to assassinate with Jaffa sparked to life and hovered uncertainly in the air.

 

Peter stared at the hologram which seemed to shift uneasy but defiant under his gaze. "Look at me Jaffa. This isn't a joke. You are not. Attacking. Stark. Industries."

 

The hologram seemed to flare out a little as Jaffa gave a huff, "It's a smart move and you know it. Besides, it's not so much attacking as... heavy-handed infiltration."

 

"Well that's just dandy then! Jarvis will just let us waltz straight into the Avengers security since it's only a 'heavy-handed infiltration' nothing to worry about!"

 

"Jarvis!" she sneered in a vile tone, "All this and you're worried about _Jarvis._ HA! I laugh in the face of his British accent!"

 

Peter seemed to be getting more and more agitated, his finger drumming where the lay pressed into the side of the desk.

"How many times have we had this conversation Jaffa. As long as I am around Jarvis will never even get the slightest chance of knowing you exist, let alone encounter you."

 

"I don't see what the big deal is he seems far inferior to myself.

 

"You have never even seen anything close to Jarvis at all! You know nothing of his capabilities."

 

"I don't need to. I am an AI, I can just tell." Jaffa sniffed dismissively as the hologram lazily let curves of code float around its exterior, brushing against the laptop where the upgrade was running.

 

"No, you can't Jaffa! I've never let you close enough to Jarvis before to let you make that judgment and I don't intend to!" Peter slapped angrily at the hologram, to little success, before pushing the laptop out of its reach.

 

"I can take him on!" Jaffa growled, "He may be the only other Artificial Intelligence like myself out there but... but if he has chosen to side with the Avengers than he cannot be as mighty as you think. I would never allow you to do the things the Avengers have done to you. I would never have let you be filled with such false lies as this Jarvis has allowed the Avengers to believe."

 

"You need to stop being stupid. I'm don't want to be captured Jaffa, but I most definitely will be if you decide to do something so monumentally stupid. You are not infiltrating Stark industries and that's final. I won't allow it," Peter snapped with a finality, considering the conversation over, and began collecting books and papers to place in his bag for school.

 

That was until Jaffa spoke, her voice cold and unwieldy, like it never was to Peter,

"You can't stop me."

 

Peter slammed his hands onto the desk causing an unstable stack of paper to go tumbling to the ground as he glared darkly at the hologram, "You know very well I could. I made you Jaffa, I can damn well stop you too,"

A pause. Chaos stood still.

The mass of purple code stilled for a second before rapidly curling in on itself until it was only a small nearly solid ball with small tendrils of purple lashing out angrily.

"You wouldn't dare. Not again," Jaffa hissed, hurt and anger in her voice, "I'd never forgive you."

 

"Peter are you..." May's voice trailed off as she entered the room. Everyone froze as May glanced around, from the knocked over desk chair, the open computer still running with code, the angry expression on Peter's face and to the noticing rather destructive looking hologram projections before she slowly backed out of the room.

 

"I'll give you another five minutes, but we have to leave then okay?"

Peter nodded before slumping onto the edge of his bed, his face in his hands to hide his guilty expression.

 

"Jaffa I'm sorry I didn't..."

 

"Don't."

 

Peter winced and looked up between his fingers to see that Jaffa had disengaged the hologram, leaving only a faint glow surrounding the silver ball on his desk.

"I didn't realize what I was saying, you know I don't mean..."

 

"I said I don't want to hear it. Get ready for school."

 

He rocked awkwardly to his feet, shuffling around his room until he shrugged on the first jeans and shirt he could find (something about Star Wars? He just hoped it was clean.) He kept his head down as he silently shuffled pens and loose-leaf paper into his backpack, his brow furrowed. God, he had done it now, hadn't he?

After a few awkward minutes of Peter shuffling through his bag and pretending he wasn't already done he spoke up, "Jaffa I... did I ever tell you about the day I created you? How you got your name?"

 

For a long moment, Jaffa remained silent, before she eventually replied, her voice far more me mechanic than it had sounded in a long time.

"J.A.F.F.A stands for Jarvis's advanced Female Foe AI," she snapped in a clipped tone, "you said creating me involved floating tables, dramatic thunderstorms and far too many cries of 'it's alive'. You said something about forgetting to name me though and leaving people rather stressed about the fact and getting it all wrong as a result. I assume it was some strange metaphor of yours, I was rather new at the time."

 

Peter let out a startled laugh before not very subtly attempting to cover it with a cough, "I did say that didn't I? Well, perhaps that's a story for another time when I don't have to go to school." He shook his head.

 

"Look when I made you, I was at my lowest, scrabbling for anything and anyone," Peter murmured as he awkwardly scratched at his forearm before pressing his palm against the bruise on his cheek. With his other hand picked up the silver orb, fingers gently tracing the webbed flickers of purple.

"You, Aunt May and Spider-man. You're all I have left. I'm afraid of losing you... and what losing you will do to me. I can't go through grief like that again Jaffa. I don't want to go back to that dark place. So I'm begging you. Don't risk yourself, risk me, on the whims on the Avengers"

 

The lights in the room seemed to dim slightly as Jaffa give a subdued huff of acceptance.

"Very well Peter. Just know that there will come a time when the Avengers will go too far, take something you were not prepared to lose, and I will be there, waiting. When that day comes nothing, not the Avengers, not Jarvis and not even you, will hold me back. I won't rest until Stark industries is nothing but a fallen card tower, and Jarvis a magic trick that has long since been revealed."

 

Peter gave an exasperated laugh as he slung his bag over his shoulder, "From you, I wouldn't expect any less Jaffa."

He gave a half-hearted attempt to clean his desk of the various discarded wires, hard drives and scraps of planning paper before shrugging. It could wait until after school. He powered down the orb, placing it carefully hiding it in a draw (which may have once been a sock drawer, but now mainly held various clothes he had dumped in there during attempted room cleanings.) Mentally ticking off everything he needed he made his way to his laptop, giving it a customary glance to ensure it was going as planned before strolling out the door.

Before promptly walking backwards, back through it. His brow furrowed as he quickly scanned over the upgrade, bringing up a page where the next processes in the queue.

 

"Peter...? Is something wrong?" Jaffa tittered, her voice rather nervous as she began scanning what Peter was flicking through.

 

"Peter you ready? We need to leave if I am to drop you at school and still make it to work on time!" his Aunt bellowed.

 

"I'll be down in a second!" he called distractedly over his shoulder as he grabbed a random piece of paper, absently noting the schools crest the rather official look of it (hope that wasn't important), before turning it over and jotting down different figures with a chewed stub of a pencil.

He frowned, eyed darting up to the screen and flicking through various codes. His eyes darted between the calculations and the upgrade, comparing them with various other pieces of paper all titled with JAFFA'S HIT NEW UPGRADE: OH GOD I HOPE I HAVEN'T MADE SKYNET. All of a sudden, a panicked look entered his eyes and he instantly shut down the server and halted the upgrade, disconnecting Jaffa from further integrating the upgrades to herself.

Jaffa was instantly frantic as she felt herself cut off from the main network, all her vision from the server cut and not allowing her to see what Peter was doing.

 

"What are you looking at? Is there a problem with my coding? Do I have a bug? It's a bug isn't it omg I am sick. I didn't think AI of my level could get sick! Oh to be young and filled with folly I thought I was invincible! Is it terminal? How long do I have to live? days? Minutes? Seconds?"

 

Peter was too busy scanning code to pay her much attention and simply let out a distracted sigh, "You're not going to die Jaffa."

 

"Oh, something worse than even death?! My backups destroyed? My backup backups destroyed? What if there's no version of me to look after you Peter! Wait, Are YOU SICK! No, I would have noticed on my health scans..." Jaffa trained off before a horrified hush took over her.

"No. It can't be. Please. I... A fate worse than death, worse than anything. I'm not..."

She took a shuddering breath, " _British,_ am I?"

 

"...how is that the worst thing that could happen."

 

"I might be mistaken for that dumb lapdog JARVIS"

 

"A sentence worth than death," Peter agreed gravely, "Nothing quite so dramatic I am afraid," he spun around on his chair, tapping a pencil against his chin as he rambled.

"I was just checking the data transfers and storage of the upgrade. You're an AI so there's a lot of extremely advanced computer mechanics even I still only half understand. It does, however, that means you are separate from everything else. You have your own bubble network of sorts that's purely you, but in order to upgrade the data has to be translated from the common day to day service network to the specialised and unique one that you have. It's really difficult to do as you are an ever-evolving and self-dependant system and I don't want to do an upgrade that will change, well, you. The amount of data required to transfer as it is off the scales, but I hadn't realized just how advanced you have been getting and the enormous scale that the upgrade is trying to pump and transfer data to. If we did the whole transfer on the home network it would have been overwhelmed, crashed and possibly corrupted the upgraded segment."

Peter took a deep breathe, feeling slightly light headed. Oxygen is needed for the production of ATP, he's always forgetting his cells actually need him to breathe and stop talking sometimes.

"Well, in summary, you have simply grown to be far too complex and large a data sphere for the networks I have been running your upgrades off. Hence, I need to find another network that will fit you."

 

"...are you calling me fat?"

 

"I... no!" Peter rushed rather horrified, his arms widely gesturing. You are perfectly fine! I mean... I wasn't... you are a perfect body size and shape and... and you are just teasing me."

 

Jaffa gave a breezy laugh, "Ah your reaction was worth it."

 

Peter buried his head in his hands, "Just let me find somewhere to host the upgrade. I could try the school maybe, or I could possibly go to-"

 

"PETER PARKER I WILL LEAVE WITHOUT YOU!" May screamed causing Peter to frantically slam the laptop shut and shove it into his backpack.

 

"I'M COMING! HALFWAY DOWN ALREADY" Peter yelled back. Well, school it was.

He sprinted out of his room, ignoring the stairs entirely as he leapt over the bannister to push against the nearby wall and lading in a classic Spider-man crouch. Sparing only a glance to make sure May hadn't witnessed his rather inhuman leap he dashed down the corridor, scooping his shoes up as he went. He dashed into the kitchen, whirling around where May stood in her nurse's uniform and tapping her foot, to grab his lunch. Before May could even react to the spin Peter was already hopping out towards the door as he tugged his sneakers on.

He ran a hand through his bedhead, and deeming it a lost cause, unlocked the front door and strolled through carelessly throwing over his shoulder, "Come on Aunt May, no time to dawdle."

His Aunt simply shook her head and followed him out to see Peter leaning casually against the car as he tapped his foot. She unlocked the door with a shake of her head.

 

"Alright get in you heathen."

They had only just turned out the driveway before Aunt May turned to him with a soft look, "I know very little about technology, I admit that, but I know Jaffa Pete. You decided to make her far more human and free-willed than I know anyone else has done before. That is both her strength and weakness."

 

Peter shifted uncomfortably and stared determinedly out the side window.

"Did you ah... hear much?"

 

"Of your little spat with Jaffa? Not as much as you fear," she reassured as she used the turning of the corner to stare for a few seconds at Peter's face.

"Doesn't mean I didn't understand what it was about, Jaffa is far from subtle when she wants something. Would you believe that she once told me a 'near power trip' meant that I wasn't allowed to change the channel off master chief until 9:30 because the wiring 'needed time to cool'?"

 

Peter gave a fond laugh, "I would. She always thinks her plans are flawless. There's nothing to worry about Jaffa was just a bit restless and wanting to do stupid things."

 

"You can't keep her locked up at home forever Pete," she scolded mildly causing Peter to grimace. Why was his Aunt so damn perceptive?

 

"She's hardly locked up May she's an AI, she has access to the whole internet."

 

"But she can't do anything in it can she? You've very much limited her to the walls inside this home. She can only influence what is going on in here and all she knows is that you leave, you get hurt, she cannot help because She's stuck here. She's not a human Peter but you created a person and she has her own needs."

 

Peter tugged nervously at his seat belt, running his sensitive fingers over the threads.

"The world will hurt her Aunt May," he whispered.

 

"If you keep her stuck here so will you," she responded, kind but firm.

"Take her with you on your little late-night adventures you think I don't notice, let her take over the school's networks or ruin some companies financial reputation," his Aunt suggested airily before being seemingly taken aback by her own words, "I can't believe I'm encouraging Skynet like behaviour."

 

"Too late for that I think," Peter scoffed before sighing, "She thinks she can take on the sun Aunt May but I can't save her if it burns her wings."

 

"Then you'll simply have you use that magical science brain of yours and make something that doesn't burn so easy. Wax has so many limitations,"

 

"Not even if I, with all my 'magical science', can take on the sun Aunt May."

 

"You are thinking too linear Pete, there is always another way."

 

"Really?" he sighed esasperated, "Because the sun has been there for thousands of years Aunt May nothing I can do would put even a dent in it."

 

"Perhaps you simply need to wait till night then."

 

"I... yeah okay can we stop with the extended metaphor I'm getting confused here my poor English brain can't cope," Peter groaned burying his head in his hands, but not before noting with some relief (and wasn't that a first) the familiar sight of Midtown High.

 

"Good thing you have school to train you up then? But... just think about it okay?" his Aunt murmured as she turned into the school.

 

"Alright. I'll think about it, but no promises. Jaffa's not ready for the world, and the world's not ready for her either," he grumbled in consent as he slung his bag on his shoulder and clipped off his seatbelt.

His Aunt gripped the steering wheel tightly as she pulled up out the front of the school gates, her gaze fixed on Peter through the mirror.

"Ah May, do you mind unlocking the car, so I can get out?"

 

"Sure sure I can do that," she whispered, not following through with the action. Instead, she spun around in her seat to gaze at Peter, a hand reaching over to lightly touch the purpling bruise on his face.

"Just... be okay. Please, Peter. Why does the world want to hurt you, it doesn't deserve you." she whispered the last sentence, perhaps not intending it for him to hear it. Peter cleared his throat uncomfortably and wriggled towards the door.

 

"I'm fine May, I won't let the... ah kids, who did this get me again. I promise no antagonizing. I better go though, I've made you late to work as it is."

 

She leant across the seat to give him a brief hug before her face away to preserve her dignity.

"Stay safe," she wobbled as she gingerly unlocked the door leaving Peter to scramble out after a brief kiss to her turned cheek, ignoring the salty taste of tears that crept there.

 

"I'll be fine. Love you, have fun at work," he called over his shoulder as he hurried through the gates. He faltered slightly, resisting the urge to look back over his shoulder at her, but knowing that his Aunt would take that as a sign he was not yet ready to face the school and the people who supposedly beat him up. No, school was perhaps the one place he was safest from the Avengers. Spider-man wasn't a teenager after all.

 

Peter snuck through the buildings front door, creeping down the hallways and ignoring the stares of the morning tatters of the school population who for one reason or another where dumped at school early. He could practically feel the stares digging into his aching body, to the bruises and cuts and bleeding pride. It was always like this though, somedays he was sure they knew about Spider-man, that they were judging the tattered mess of a boy who hid behind the mask.

He wished more than anything he had remembered his hoodie this morning. The morning itself had that chill that always followed set in rain, no doubt there would be more of it today despite the morning's brief reprieve. More than the cold though, he wished he could pull the hoodie over his head until it cast a shadow over his face and blended into obscurity. He had grown so used to life with masks, that these days it was difficult to go without one.

It was with great relief that he finally reached the deserted corridors of the IT section of the school. Robotics club was on Friday nights and as such, he knew that computer lab 2 would have been accidentally left unlocked over the weekend. Perfect for him to set up his laptop to connect with the school's computers, easily accessing the network's platform.

Leaning casually against a grainy group photo of the opening of the computer labs back in the ancient times, Peter gently pressed his arm against the door handle, grinning when it opened just as he expected.

He crept in, closing the door as quietly behind him before he confidently strolled down the rows of computers and books.

Then froze in horror.

 

There was a people. A people in a place where he did not think there could be a people. Well a people other than himself.

Fighting back the instinctive urge to hide on the ceiling, Peter quickly assessed the figure he could see tapping at a computer near the front of the room. It was a student, luckily, with neat black hair who he guessed was most likely a senior like himself. He was crouched behind one of the computers he knew to have had serious complications over the past few months, so had been recently stripped and replaced. It was, in fact, the computer he tended to use when using the school computers, as it was far more up to date than the rest of them.

The boy's wide frame blocked Peter's view of whatever had him so absorbed in his screen in an empty classroom 40 minutes before class started. No doubt some last-minute homework so a particularly grumpy teacher. It was a little difficult to tell from behind but he thought he vaguely recognized him in that way one recognizes the same back they stare at several times a week. He thinks he recognizes this particular frame from his IT class maybe? Damn. Hopefully, it wasn't homework for that class then.

Peter shrugged and instead quietly set up the laptop in the corner a few rows back. The student had yet to notice him, far too confident in a teenager's desire to spend as little time in classrooms as required, unless of course, it was a couple. In which case it would hardly be a quiet affair to be easily missed. Peter gently lifted his laptop out of his bag and next to monitor. Attacking a connective cable between the two, Peter made quick work of bypassing into the school's network and re-commencing Jaffa's upgrade.

Hmmm the network should be large enough support, though it is a public school so the quality was definitely sub-par. Well if needed he could always just do some remote hacking, support it through there.

 

"Peter what-" Jaffa grumbled fuzzily out of the laptop's speaker before Peter slammed the lid shut. Too late though, as the other student gave a yelp of fright, hurriedly minimizing whatever they were doing before turning around and staring.

Just ignore them Peter, then hopefully they will just ignore you like they always do. You promised May not to start conflicts.

Peter awkwardly avoided eye contact and opened his laptop back up, frantically typing a message to Jaffa in a random document, knowing she would see it.

 

_P: There's another student in the room so don't go hijacking any speakers. And for the love of god stay only on my computer. You are only accessing the school's network because of the upgrade okay?"_

_J: It would be good practice for when we take over Stark Industries. I could be the principal! No more detentions for your unexplained absences._

 

"Woah. You. You are Peter Parker," The student stuttered will no small amount of fear and awe as he stared open-mouthed at Peter who was half looking back, half watching Jaffa type a reply.

 

_J: Was that voice him? Are you okay? Peter. PETER. How do they know your name? Is it that Flash boy? You run; I'll take over the school, close an automatic door in his face, set off the fire alarm so you can escape in the chaos and then bankrupt his family so he can't afford to pay the school fees._

_P: Not flsh. 1 min ttyl gotta do the social._

 

Peter took a minute to stare at the other boy in bewilderment. Was he talking to him...? Well obviously, since his name was Peter Parker. Although maybe there was some other Peter Parker? He gave a subtle glance over his shoulder (there was no one there). Damn. Maybe he could just ignore him. Pretend he didn't hear or something.

His indecisive prolonged staring seemed to be freaking the other boy out as he was now shaking slightly, his eyes growing wider each second of remarkably awkward eye-contact as neither quite knew what to say.

"Please don't kill me I still haven't finished mystery science theatre yet! My taste in movies is still too good to die," he rushed out squeezing his eyes shut.

 

Huh? Peter darted his eyes around the room for a second before patting a hand to his check that yes, he was just plain old Peter Parker and not currently Spider-man. What in the world...?

"I'm... what?" He stumbled out, "I'm not going to kill you I don't think?"

 

The other student seemed to sag in relief, his frame expanding out to flop over the chair causing it to spin slightly.

"Oh phew that's awesome. I haven't heard the rumour of the week yet, but last time I heard you were an experimental brainwashed solider for Hydra so I thought it would be better safe than sorry."

 

"WHAT! Why would people even think that!" Peter shouted his eyes darting down to his computer to where Jaffa was providing a helpful commentary to confirm that yes, he was, in fact, hearing this.

 

"You're _Peter Parker"_ he stressed staring at him expectedly.

 

"Or so I've heard," Peter said as he nodded slowly, as one hand tapped out an unsteady rhythm on the desk.

 

The other boy was bouncing out of his as he rambled, "You are practically famous, well more like infamous as you're not exactly popular, but people know your name! Think less Luke Skywalker more Darth Vader, still just as popular but, you know, he is evil."

 

"Why? I'm pretty boring. And not evil, I feel like that should be said."

 

The kid leant back in his chair and shot him an impatient look, "You serious? The mysterious genius with the dead girlfriend, hardly at school but when he is he's bashed up or looking like he either wants to die, cry or stab a bitch. One time you bumped into me and you had either had tomato sauce or blood smeared on your cheek and I might have pissed myself."

 

Peter gave a grimace. "It's wasn't blood" (it was. Peter preferred BBQ)

The other boy gave a slow nod with a 'duh' expression on his face that had Peter uncomfortably ducking his head to return studying the progress. The whole conversation had left him unsettled. Rule 86 of being Peter Parker; when confused, ask Jaffa.

 

_P: Jaffa I'm not... scary right?_

_J: Don't be stupid you are simply a helpless fleshy human that must be protected at all costs._

_P: That's... nice._

_P: But seriously. At this school, they only know we as the weak loser Peter Parker. What's terrifying about that?_

_J: You're not a weak loser._

_P: Maybe not to you. I just don't get it. Why was he so afraid of me? Are a couple of dumb rumours really that terrifying?_

_J: Sweetie, you are an extremely powerful superhuman, you blew things up on a semi-regular basis and are currently a vigilante who has gone toe to toe with the Avengers and won. Plus, you created the most advanced AI current today. It's okay to be slightly terrifying._

_P: *one of the most advanced_

_J: Did I stutter? I didn't realize that was possible in THE MOST advanced AI._

 

"Soooo...."

Peter shot his head up to see the other kid turning back towards his own computer but with his head twisted round to face him. Why was he still talking to him? Was there something he wanted?

"The weather am I right? Been nice these last couple of days." The boy asked that quivering calmness when one was trying to seem casual. It was, Peter reflected, the same manner one would use when talking to stray cats. An excessive calm in the face of a ball of hissing danger. A calm to conceal not only your own restless energy, but to use as a balm to spread over the wild anger. Calm because, despite the danger, everyone wants to pat cats.

 

He should probably give some form of reply... What was he talking about again? Right. The weather. Was that some kind of code? Was he setting up for some sort of joke he was undoubtedly missing? Damn teenagers.

"It's been raining. Below average seasonal temperatures." Peter muttered carefully, trying to judge the point of the conversation. Because there was always a point. Nothing was ever so simple when  it came to other kids in this school.

 

The other boy, however, seemed only to blush slightly blush and shoot him a sheepish "Yeah I didn't go outside at all this weekend, so I really don't know why that's what I went with."

 Peter gave a strangled sound he hoped could be deemed a reply before turning back to his own computer and tried to look busy. He could feel the gaze of the boy's almond eyes peering curiously at him as his own hands typed sightlessly on the computer.

 

"Wow that's ugly," the boy deadpanned as he stared intently at Peter's face.

Well then. Rude and completely false of course, he was a goddess, but he should have seen it coming.  
He sighed, glancing down to see the upgrade still transferring, and therefore no chance at running. So, it starts then.

He glared defiantly across the computer row to see the other boy gasp, leaping to his feet and shaking his hands furiously has he apologized.

 

"Not you! I meant... It's just the injuries are way worse looking than I thought. That one bruise on your face looks like Dumbledore's hand in Order of the Phoenix."

  

"Oh."

 

"Sucks that you got so injured," he rushed, "I mean you were obviously at a disadvantage and what did you ever do to get singled out as a target like that?" 

Peter tensed and crossed his arms.

 

"I have no idea what you are talking about," he snapped defensively. He couldn't know where his injuries were from unless he knew it was Peter under the Spider-man mask during the fight a couple days ago. Surely not, he was so careful... was his identity released? Were the Avengers already on the way here?

 

"Flash," the boy spat waving a hand, "He went a bit psycho, didn't he? Well more than usual, even got suspended. That was awesome." 

Peter felt himself relaxing. Ooohh he thoughts the injuries were from his little tussle with Flash the other day that's... hang on, "Flash got suspended?"

 

"Dude where have you been? ...not here duh. Were you in a hospital? Or can you like not go to hospital? I heard you're actually like part of the mafia so that's why you don't come to school a whole lot but still get crazy good grades. Are your mafia buddies going to come to beat Flash up? I mean, they won't kill him –" he rambled before Peter cut him off with a wave of his hand.

 

"I'm not in the mafia."

 

"Oh. Cool." He muttered in disappointment before trailing his eyes around the room as he searched for something to say.

 

"Soooo you're not like some brainwashed supervillain sidekick who's at this very moment typing the codes needed to release a mind control gas to make everyone at school your zombie army as you prepare to that will undoubtedly destroy the school in a terrific explosion which you may or may not survive depending on whether its popular enough for a money grabbing sequel?" by the end his voice was strained and breathless as he finished with a great breathe that left him panting.

 

"...Not at the moment."

 The boy looked disappointed. Was he pouting? Dammit, he was.

 

"Shame. I have an AP test tomorrow so if you are doing anything nefarious it would be fantastic if you could do it before 5th period tomorrow."

Peter just gave a resigned nod that had the boy beaming at him.

  

"What are you doing on that laptop anyway?" he asked curiously, craning his neck as he tried to lean sideways to see the laptop screen.

  

"Nothing!" Peter yelped angling the laptop screen away.

 

"Sorry I just..." Don't want anyone seeing the coding of my highly illegal Artificial intelligence?

 

"Nah nah It's cool I get it," the kid said raising his hands in surrender and sending him a knowing smirk, "A man's kink is a private matter."

 

"I... it's not porn," Peter spluttered burying his head in his hands.

 

 The boy winked, "sure."

Completely mortified Peter shot his head back up to come up with a completely flawless, brilliant and believable on the spot excuse when he caught a glimpse of the other boy's screen. Interesting.

He had never actually considered what another student would be doing in an empty computer lab this early in the morning. Breaking into a classroom and using expensive school equipment is probably a big deal in the eyes of most students and teachers. He always forgets that most people consider school rules a big deal, it seems a little silly when you break international laws on a daily basis.

 He never even considered that this dorky student could be doing anything other than the 'I have an assignment due in 2 hours and I have only done the introduction' scramble. Though very few would go to such effort as to break into a classroom to do it, especially when Pete could see a very expensive laptop peeking out of the rim of the boy's backpack.

 So perhaps it should not have been such a surprise to see a partially interesting program running that looked remarkably similar to a Trojan horse. Not the best he had seen, but good enough that it could cause some trouble if the wrong people saw you using it. Namely the Government.

 

"So," Peter drawled as his manner suddenly took on that dangerous but cheerful grace many associated with Spider-man "What are you working on?"

 

The boy seemed to pale as he noticed his computer in full view. He tried shifting his weight to block it from Peter's view but at this point, the damage had already been done. "Nothing! I'm just a... ah... testing a game program for my IT class."

That's what he's going with?

 

"That's a pretty complex program for a class game," Peter said cheerfully despite the knowing gleam and a smirk.

 

"It's not as impressive as it looks," he hurried with slightly rehearsed speed, "All this really does is make a couple of trees for my snake to hit."

Peter raised an eyebrow. In what world was what he is writing code. Even the most basic idiot with a computer could tell he was not editing a simple game network but rather entering someone else's.

 

"It's quite the well-protected trees, then aren't they? Is that some distinctively Japanese styled code I spy, so beautifully done, but a very interesting choice for a western trained school student." 

 

"I... it's a Japanese snake game. The trees are cherry blossoms and anime... stuff," he stuttered.

Peter switched his eyebrow raise into a more do I look that stupid to you' pose before he jumped elegantly forward, leaving him suddenly crouched on the table next to the guy's computer. The kid gave a yelp, obviously not expecting his rather athletic move, but was ignored by Peter who had his head tilted sideways as he studied the screen

 

"I'm quite a fan of the Russians programs myself, but it can be a little more difficult to escape notice should your activities be a little less... legal," he commented mildly as his finger traced the screen,

 

"Is this a backdoor access? Into your own program? A little unconventional but then again... it's only a snake game, right?

For a moment the kid looked absolutely petrified and Peter felt incredibly guilty. Great, first time in months he has had a pleasant conversation with someone in this stupid school and he scares them off by accusing them of illegal hacking. Social skills. Gotta work of those.

Of course, it was then Peter noticed he was sitting in a classic Spider-man crouch on top of a desk creepily peering down at the other kids' wide eyes. Dammit Peter stop Spider-maning other students, good luck trying to say you don't work for some spy organization after this stunt.

 

"Dude, You can hack!" the boy burst out in excitement, "This is awesome. You're not like, working for the government, are you? When you were 11 did you hack Nasa to get blueprints for your bedroom wall? Or are you an underground black hat? Did you take the red pill, are the Agents after you? Maybe YOU are an agent!"

 

Peter gave a surprised laugh before relaxing out of the pose to swing his legs over the desk, "or I could just know enough about coding to know that you're lying?"

 

"How," His eyes narrowed suspiciously, "I have never heard a single sign of any self-taught coding skills. You're not some tech genius as far as I know. If you're really that good at coding you would have made something that would see you snapped up and working at Stark Industries by now."

 

Peter pressed out a slightly hysterical laugh as he glanced nervously behind him to where his laptop innocently sitting. "Nope! Definitely not a tech genius I'm terrible at coding I could never make anything that would interest Tony Stark ever. At all. Can't think of a single thing. I mean I don't even like coding things."

 

"Well then how do you know so much about coding!" he snapped.

 

"I'm pretty sure I'm in the same IT class as you..."

 The boy slumped back in shock, his accusatory manner gone in an instant.

 

"Oh! You're actually enrolled in my IT class? I honestly just thought you just stumbled in the wrong classroom occasionally to recharge your batteries."

 

"I guess I do sleep in IT a fair bit," Peter glanced over to see the kid's odd expression and sighed,

 

"Why do I get the feeling you meant that literally. Don't tell me, people think I'm..."

 

"A robot! Cool right? I actually came up with that one myself, I'm quite proud about how well it caught on. I am currently testing my new theory that you're a time travelling robot, like terminator style, but it hasn't caught on quite as well yet outside of the robotics club you know."

  

"A robot," Peter sighed, "You thought I was in your classroom, not because I was a student, but because I was a robot."

 

"Oh come on it's not like you're at school all that much anyway. I mean anytime you did attend you slept the whole time anyway. I think a robot seems like a smart assumption."

 Look, he created one of the worlds most advanced artificial intelligence in his bedroom, so sue him if he would rather sleep than struggle through explanations aimed at people who didn't even know what a byte is.

 

"Any other ridiculous rumours I can attribute to you when I finally decide my supervillain master needs a zombie slave," Peter growled sarcastically.

  

"Haha! Very funny!" the boy laughed hysterically as he completely bypassed the sarcasm in the statement, "No other rumours. At all. I am your loyal defender against rumours I swear."

 The boy waited for a split second before airily saying, "Oh on a completely unrelated note of course, but if people start coming up to you with random bowls of salsa I wouldn't eat any. It'll have petrol in it. Maybe some ground up copper wire if someone was having a particularly bad internet connection. Not that I would have anything to do with that. At all. But it would be great if you would like, make a couple of beeps or something."

  

"Beeps."

 

 "...Please don't brainwash me."

 Peter just gave him a wink as he leant over and typed in a few commands that would help him on his path to hacking whatever security system he was trying to enter before hopping of the desk and returning to his own computer and laptop.

He ignored the other boy's excited gasp followed by a string of furious typing as he studied his own computer, pleased to note that the upgrade was done.

 

 

_P: All done. How's it feeling?_

_J: Perfect as always. Never mind that let's talk about your new friend._

_P: We're not friends. I don't even know his name._

  _J: Irrelevant. I can run a voice identification, or if you let me take over the cameras I can do face ID. I'll know his name plus every single detail about him in an instant. Problem solved._

_P: Did I forget to code in a moral compass or something? I defiantly think I missed something._

_J: What are morals, but a set of rules society creates to keep humans in check? You don't even like rules. Now stop diverting._

 

_P: Have you been editing philosophy wiki pages again?_

_P: I'm not diverting I'm just saying that having a pleasant conversation with a stranger does not make you friends. He thinks I'm a robot, or working for the Government, or possibly a brainwashing supervillain. Heck, he probably thinks I'm an alien why the hell not!_  

_J: It's a start. Just give him a chance._

 

As if one cue the boy decided to glance up from his frantic typing to look at Peter with searching eyes.

 "You know you're not too bad actually. I mean you are by no means normal, but you're definitely a lot better than the rumours say."

 

"Thanks?"

Peter steeled himself, just a name. All he had to get was a name. Not everyone in this school hated him. He could do this.

 

"I-" Peter started only to be cut off by the incessant ring of a bell.

'Guess it wasn't to be' he thought glumly. 

He slowly closed the program he was using to store the upgrade, the word document with Jaffa's and his conversation before shutting it down. He disconnected his laptop to the school's computer before shoving it back into his bag and slinging it over his shoulders. He moodily stalked to the door, furious at himself. He could fight the Avengers without fear (well perhaps not without fear but he still did it) but he couldn't even get a name.

  

"I'll see you around right, Peter?" a voice called behind him causing him to knock over a bin in his haste to turn around.

What does that mean? People don't usually inquire as to whether they will see him again, either they are running away from him or he's running from them. What does it mean? Is he trying to make sure Peter the maybe robot or spy doesn't kill him? Well then asking would be a little counter-productive. Peter fumbled desperately for words, wishing Jaffa was here and not back at the house where she would be no doubt sulking after being kicked off his laptop.

The kids still staring at him. What does he do? Answer. Yeah. Be cool.

 

"I... sure. I'll see you around. It was nice meeting you...ah..." Crap. Names.

 

"The name's Ned. Leeds, Ned..." he said lowly as he blew away the smoke from his finger guns and flipped on some imaginary glasses.

Then he seemed to come to a realization causing him to he groan,

 

"Dammit, I got that mixed around the wrong way, didn't I? My last name is actually Leeds, first name Ned. I was going for the whole James Bond vibe and when my chance comes I absolutely blow it. Can I try again?"

 

Peter just gave a laugh over his shoulder before pushing open the door confidently.

 

"Already computed it as Leeds, Mr. Bond. No takebacks."

 

"That's so unfair. Come on Peter one more go... Peter!"

 

But Peter was gone. Already smiling to himself halfway down the hall, more excited for school than he had been in a long, long time.

 

Ned huh.

Jaffa would be proud.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> {*Author Note: Yay so my brief take, on how Peter might have met Ned. He needs a friend so go Peter! 
> 
> Not my best chapter but it had to happen so hope you'll still stick around for the next chapter anyway.
> 
> Next chapter: A bad moon rising - also known as the chapter that sets up for the next arc of the story! Everyone get keen.*}


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